Revenge...

[dmanette]

Did you seek revenge against the person who cheated on you or the ow/om? If so, did it help you or set you back emotionally? If you didn't seek revenge, how did you deal with the anger and hostility?

 

I've been watching this Amy Fisher stuff lately and was wondering if the majority of people seek revenge or move on. If I were having an affair with someone's husband I would think the mere fact that his wife was unpredictable and perhaps uncontrollable would scare the heck out of me. But, I guess if most people don't seek revenge then the fear is minimized somewhat. I just remember what a calculated rage I flew into and wonder how many others went through the same thing.

 

Just wondering...

Danine

[laRubiaBonita]

my revenge helped me.... it was the most theraputic thing ever!

[ThumbingMyWay]

vengence is Gods

 

 

I dont have it in me to seek revenge on my wife or the OM.

[Curmudgeon]

Revenge is a dish best eaten cold. I firmly believe that the best revenge is to live well and that karma works on its own.

 

If you really want revenge on someone whos wronged you, forgive them.

[THX2000]

Did you seek revenge against the person who cheated on you or the ow/om? If so, did it help you or set you back emotionally? If you didn't seek revenge, how did you deal with the anger and hostility?

 

I've been watching this Amy Fisher stuff lately and was wondering if the majority of people seek revenge or move on. If I were having an affair with someone's husband I would think the mere fact that his wife was unpredictable and perhaps uncontrollable would scare the heck out of me. But, I guess if most people don't seek revenge then the fear is minimized somewhat. I just remember what a calculated rage I flew into and wonder how many others went through the same thing.

 

Just wondering...

Danine

 

 

I thought of all the vicious things I could do to exact revenge on her and the guy. Ultimately, exposing her to everyone she knew as a total whore and a homewrecker to boot was the best revenge I could ever have. She lost a lot of friends due to her behaviour and I don't think she expected that either. As for the guy - I tracked down his wife (something he didn't think I could do) and gave her photos/msn conversations/secret e-mails and the like that she used to just ruin the guy in his divorce. Poetic justice at its best.

[StrivingtoSucceed]

I definitely THOUGHT of all the things I wanted to do to the OW. Never to my H, but to her yes. And before anyone starts on at me, yes, my H had his hand in it too, but she was the chaser in this case and hence, my desire to make her suffer in a way that I thought she should.

 

Typical thoughts were to spray paint gang graffiti on her fence ... thinking that if she were to tell my H about it that he would thank God that he didn't move there with her (major road in the center of town with no parking ... he would have moved from three acres, three-car garage and had to park his car, his truck, his jeep, his four-wheeler, etc., etc., where???). LOL

 

Also thought of dumping nails around where she parks so that she would get flat tires. Also thought of having a guy call her to order supplies, flirt with her, get her off track, and either have her go after him, or have him just never pick up the supplies, leaving her with the bag.

 

But, thought and action are two different things. I believe in Karma ... what goes around will come back around. So, I THOUGHT, but never took any ACTION.

 

And besides, I really am too nice of a person to exact revenge. I like myself to much to change for anyone else.

[THX2000]

And besides, I really am too nice of a person to exact revenge. I like myself to much to change for anyone else.

 

My thoughts exactly. I could have doen all kinds of things to ruin her and his life but that's just not who I am. Don't let someone else's bad behaviour change who you are as a person.

[cynicalnlove]

I'm sort of in between this topic. I never had considered myself to be the type that was out for blood. But considering the fact that i am still battling to move on - i can't help but to want to inflict the same pain my ex has caused on me. I actually want to strategically make them fall in love again and hurt them the way they did (mentally). But then again, i want to just forget and just be happy. Could i really just be happy to let someone get away with all that they have done?

[StrivingtoSucceed]

I'm sort of in between this topic. I never had considered myself to be the type that was out for blood. But considering the fact that i am still battling to move on - i can't help but to want to inflict the same pain my ex has caused on me. I actually want to strategically make them fall in love again and hurt them the way they did (mentally). But then again, i want to just forget and just be happy. Could i really just be happy to let someone get away with all that they have done?

 

This in-between is totally understandable. The betrayal cuts deep and the feelings of anger sometimes can be overwhelming. However, the reason why you haven't done anything is because that isn't the type of person you are.

 

As ShineShop said, don't let someone else's bad behaviour change her you are as a person. It really isn't worth it.

 

You won't ever forget, unless there is a magic potion that will erase your memory. But, with time the memory will fade and the pain will lessen. You can be happy and the best way to go about that is to take care of yourself. Men are drawn to happy women ... not someone who is sad and withdrawn.

 

If you really want to have the last laugh do everything you can to make yourself happy, find a man that can share in that and then the two of you be happy ... believe me, your ex will be jealous and look at you with different eyes and wonder what it is that makes you so happy ... and since you mentioned that you want them to fall in love again it makes it sound as if they aren't together anymore ... another reason why your ex would realize what he lost.

 

Sometimes it is just better to let go of the past and move on with your future. Yes, easier said than done. But, you've survived this far ... now make your survival fun and start to enjoy life again.

[Mz. Pixie]

Being truly happy in your new life is the best revenge...

[milvushina]

This makes me think about something that Buddha is supposed to have said. It was something like "Being angry is like holding a handful of hot coals, with the intention of throwing them at someone else."

 

I think about that often... your negative feelings don't hurt the other person, but stress you out and hurt you. Even if acted on, I think most of us would not feel better, whereas if you can really forgive, then you get rid of those feelings that are hurting you.

 

However I've never (that I know) been cheated on, so I have never had to deal with that particular kind of anger and hurt.

[carmaenforcer]

vengence is Gods

 

 

I dont have it in me to seek revenge on my wife or the OM.

 

We all have it in us, at least I do. We are all animal after all and have that primal need for protection and self preservation. Some people are just really good about suppressing it until the right circumstances brings it out in us, and then watch out. Under pressure hate, anger and resentment can blow like a nuclear bomb and hurt not just the person you where originally angry with but some innocent bystanders as well.

 

I am gods’ servant and here to do his/her/it's bidding and so revenge is also my job. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.

The Christian's God helps those whom help themselves. We are all created in his image and like him I am a vengeful mother ufcker. I'd make it rain until all but those I chose were drowned, I'd burn their cities and turn them into salt, I'd send a poisonous fog to kill their first born, I'd make the ground open and swallow them up, hell, I'd shoot a lightning bold up someone’s ass if I could.

 

I didn't get revenge on the OM he was a tool used by my then Girl Friend.

He had nothing vested in our relationship, although he does need to be taught to stay away from another mans woman, the health of our relationship was her responsibility, not his. After all without your SO's participation and willingness to cheat on you there wouldn't be an OM/OW, right.

 

I tortured mine for about a year, hitting where it hurt just when she was comfortable enough to drop her guard and when the fact that I was being an ass came up I would somehow remind her of her indiscretions and how that has made me what I am today. Not forever though because I believe in second chances. I eventually went back to just being loving as if nothing had happened. She did however loose all her guy friend privileges and some freedoms that she used to have.

[Trimmer]

I understand the impulse, and certainly fantasize my own scenarios. Can't tell you how many times I have told off the OM in my head with a withering speech, or imagined telling her family the details of how things really ended between us. But in the end, none of those will really move me forward, and she is still mother of my children, and I need to maintain a good relationship with her as co-parents. Whenver I start to think about it, I ask myself a few questions to keep me grounded: what good will come of it? How and where do I want to spend my energy? And irrespective of the past, what kind of person do I want to be?

[StrivingtoSucceed]

Wow, Carma-

 

Interesting name and post ... wouldn't want to ever get on your bad-side.

 

Of course, I'd probably love having you as my friend, so you could do what I am too chicken to do.

 

But then, I have a friend like you ... she wanted to do so much and I wouldn't let her. I have to say that while there are times I wish she would have gone ahead and did what she wanted behind my back (and therefore, I couldn't be blamed, or hold myself accountable) I'm glad she never did.

 

I feel better that she never did - otherwise I would probably start to feel guilty and that is not something I ever want to feel towards my husband, or exOW. Gives them a power they and the situation does not deserve.

[cynicalnlove]

whats an ow?

[StrivingtoSucceed]

OW = Other Woman

[carmaenforcer]

Thanks StrivingtoSucceed I think you are the first person to make that connection, between my LS name and my personality. I like yours as well, much more positive. It's like I told a girl friend of mine, like you were saying about your girl friend, "I know you want to make them pay but you are too wrapped up in it right now." "Doing something right away makes you the primary suspect and although you will get your revenge you won't enjoy it as much locked behind bars as you might with your own life moving forward and happy." "Besides waiting has another advantage because you sometimes have the joy of watching life do them in."

I also was successful in talking my friend out of doing something that would have gotten her in trouble with the law and turns out a few weeks later we find out that this person that she wanted to do harm to contracted HPV and had so undergo some nasty painful gyno torture and in the end still has the disease. Karma is quick and exacting sometimes.

 

Yeah drastic actions sometimes have dire consequences and end up hurting the person that was just seeking justice. A lot can be done with just psychological and emotional torture.

[Guest]

Revenge....Here is some revenge for you. Been with husband for over 14 years. He has cheated on my at least 2 times I know of. Always promised he would never do it again. I pathetic wife, believed what he said. Now, 2 kids later he is still at it. Ok, didnt look for it, but now I let myself fall into an affair! I didnt say no, stop, this isnt right. Instead I said, yea, sure, ok and now I am having a full blown affair. Revenge, yea maybe, but I think it is more than that. Karma worked in this sense. He knew it would eventually bite him in the ass and it did. Serves him right for not appreciating a faithful wife of 14 years!

[Chump64]

I've done several immature things as part of "revenge." I know they were stupid but they made me feel better at the time and still make me laugh, so it's all good.

 

The OW is 11 years older than me. I threw a bottle of anti-ageing cream down in her driveway. Then another time I put a mug in front of her parking spot at work that says "Grandma" on it. Not proud, no, but yes, I amused myself and that alone was worth it.

[carmaenforcer]

Guest with the 14 year old marriage cheating husband and 2 kids.

 

I will probably get hell for saying this but, YOU GO GIRL!!!

 

The thing is though you revenge won't be complete until he knows about it, asks you to stop but you keep doing it. A taste of their own medicine is the best cure for this. Actually there is no cure for being cheated on and humiliated by a person you placed all your trust and love in, but dam if this doesn’t make you feel better for a little bit.

 

You enjoy your self, if you think it might mess things up with you kids to bring it out in the open then don't but do keep enjoying your self.

 

Chump64 that stuff is actually pretty funny and by all means do whatever makes you feel better.

[dmanette]

OW stands for other woman. OM is other man.

 

dm- (stands for danine manette )

 

oops, sorry, I just realized this question was already answered. Got my pages mixed up.

[reservoirdog1]

I thought about revenge against WXW's OMs. The closest I got was sending the worst offender a nasty, semi-threatening letter (which I know through a mutual friend that he received). Never heard a peep from him after that.

 

I also contemplated revenge against WXW. I wanted to hurt her to the extent she'd hurt me with her serial betrayal and unwillingness to repair the damage she did. I didn't, because there are two kids between us.

 

However, somebody else took probably the most appropriate "revenge" I could have imagined. She has a minor profile and knows a bunch of people. So somebody who obviously hated her (and it WASN'T me) sent an email to a s***load of people (100+) telling them that she'd cheated on me with multiple OMs and that we had split up, and that she was dishonest. That damaged her, and I think she's still recovering from it. She got a PI involved to trace it and spent a bunch of money, but never found out who it was, and I don't know who did it.

 

I'd be lying if I said I didn't think it was an appropriate consequence -- on the contrary, it seemed like perfect karmic (and poetic) justice for somebody like her. Fortunately, I was able to watch from afar without feeling guilty.

[Chump64]

There are lots of days when I write nasty letters, in my head, to the OW. Then I remember this: On Jan. 6th, my husband dumped her after 10 years. Dropped her in a 10 minute discussion, like a hot potato, in a stairwell at work no less. He didn’t respond when she said, “I still love you.” AND, the kicker – she had to go home that night and tell her husband of 30 years what she’d done. I sent her an email at the moment my I was confronting my husband, telling her the jig was up and that she had the weekend to tell her spouse before I got ahold of him on Monday. That felt so good.

 

Karma’s a bitch, babe.

 

I kinda hope she's reading this.

[BUTAFLY]

Revenge....Here is some revenge for you. Been with husband for over 14 years. He has cheated on my at least 2 times I know of. Always promised he would never do it again. I pathetic wife, believed what he said. Now, 2 kids later he is still at it. Ok, didnt look for it, but now I let myself fall into an affair! I didnt say no, stop, this isnt right. Instead I said, yea, sure, ok and now I am having a full blown affair. Revenge, yea maybe, but I think it is more than that. Karma worked in this sense. He knew it would eventually bite him in the ass and it did. Serves him right for not appreciating a faithful wife of 14 years!

 

An affair is something secretive, and if he doesn't know your sleeping with someone else thats suppose to make him feel bad?This is the same line of thinking I see on the maury show? Thats not revenge that justification for your sluty behavior.

[Blind Illusion]

I always think of revenge to be some action against the person that wronged me. In the case of infidelity, that would be the spouse so that is who the revengeful act should be initiated against. The problem is that if you are really trying to mend the union, revenge really shouldn't be part of the equation.