He's Back (again)

[Patricia]

I wrote back on April 17th. MW had been living with me for ten weeks after leaving W again (for the 4th time). He left one day when I wasn't home. I was devastated to realize he'd left again after saying this was it. On my last post; I knew I was to blame for him going back. I wasn't very nice to him a few times. I brought up things he'd done to hurt me in the past, and he just wanted to move forward to leave the past behind us. But my biggest thing was that he was the one who did all the hurt. I never did anything to him. When he left I tried for two weeks to call him, email him, txt him, and he just ignored me. The first weekend after being there for a week, his wife called me and told me to take him back. I told her I wouldn't unless he talked to me, well he hung the phone up saying nothing. He finally agreed to see me after almost three weeks, we were at lunch and sitting in the back seat of his suv. I told him I needed to talk to him, why did he leave, etc? He said I acted like I didn't want him there and all he wanted was to be with me and show me how much he loved me. He was willing to go through the financial headaches he knew would happen with a divorce, but he also admitted he was scared at what he would lose. At that time, he believed there was still a chance they could make their marriage work for their kids sake. He also said that if I'd driven over to get him, he would have left that day to come back. She was completely losing it, screaming, etc. She wanted him gone. She had moved on and was seeing someone that she apparently really cared for. She told this OM that family came first. After we talked, and he told me that he knew once we saw each other again, that it would be like nothing had come between us. He said he had never stopped loving me. The next day was friday, and I drove around his bldg. at the end of the day to say goodbye. I hadn't talked to him at all that day. He was happy to see me, but he said he'd done some thinking after seeing me the day before, that he couldn't hurt me again, he had too much baggage, he was in too deep financially. He asked me why did I want him when I was single, owned my home, had alot of friends and could do what ever I wanted, nothing was holding me down. I just looked at him and said, okay, I'll move on, I see that you're serious about staying. And I drove away. All weekend I kept myself busy getting ready for a four day trip the following week. I had to coordinate with friends leaving together, friends sharing my hotel room, etc. This is a annual biker event, its the west coast equivalent of Sturgis. I ride my own Harley and in twelve years, I missed just last year because of him not going with me, cause again he'd moved back to the W. I thought I'd hear from him before I left, at least to say "be safe, ride safe" or something. Early in the morning that I was leaving, I actually felt so down, my heart felt heavy, I didn't want to go, I knew I could only enjoy myself with him. I broke down and called him. He said that he was so glad I did. He hadn't been able to sleep the night before cause he knew how I was, that I was probably down in my garage polishing up my bike, and he said he wondered what I would do if he rode up and said he was going with me. I told him that at 11pm while cleaning my bike I was thinking that I'd love to be able to hear him ride up on his Harley. It was funny that we both thought that. He kept saying he shouldn't have gone back, that he wasn't happy. I tried to keep it light and say that he was just saying that because he knew there'd be thousands of men there and he knew I'd be meeting some. I finally left to meet the other guys I was riding with and from that first day, MM must have called me twenty times on my cell, he left message, txt me, constantly. I would be out where he could hear the other bikes, and once he asked if it was too late for us. I said , "excuse me"? from then on, every time he called, he was trying to convince me that someday soon we'd be back together again. That he knew he didn't love his W, he knew in his heart where he wanted to be. He also had his first session with a therapist, which he knew he needed, he said that something was wrong with him that he kept hurting me, his kids, his W, by going back and forth. I was home by sunday afternoon, relaxing after a long ride home, and at 9pm, he's calling, saying he's coming over, would I take him back? Here's what happened: at some point in the evening, she took his work cell phone out of his car and saw that there was a mesage. She insisted he tell her his code so she could hear it. He told her and she heard me saying "You wanted me to call when I got home, I'm back safe, see you tomorrow at work". Nothing mushy, just that. But she looked at him and told him to LEAVE. So okay, he goes and starts packing, but she then changes her mind and tells him to stay. She loves him and she wants her family together. But he tells her that he's in love with me, and he either leaves then, or when she's not there. After I hung up with him, knowing he was on his way to my place, an hour away. I called her and asked, what was going on? Did you kick him out I asked? She said no, she wanted him back. I got him on my cell phone with the speaker on, so they both could hear each other, other speaker was on too. It was so clear, they thought I had them on a conference call. I said to him, she wants you to go home, he tells her that he wants a divorce that he loves me. She says that she'll always let him back, he's her husband and father of her kids. So I said to MM, you better decide what you really want. And he tells her again. She starts crying and hangs up. And when he gets to my place, I was such a mess emotionally. So bottom line, he's been at my place now since Apr 30th. This time I've tried not to bring up the past, and just believe and trust him when he says that he is never leaving me again. We had just one fight last week, he'd had a stressful day cause the W kept calling all day, insisting he come back, she wanted him to leave work and she'd help him move his stuff, but he said no. His teenage daughter is fighting with the W and when he talked to her, he said please don't make things worst, try to get along with your mother, daughter says, she wants you to come back, and he said he wasn't, that he shouldn't have come back this last time. I overheard this phone conversation in the car. But our fight was because I wanted to know what was he feeling after all her calls, was she wearing him down? was he going back? He kept saying no, please trust him. After 3-4 hrs of this, we tried to sleep it off. On mothers day, my stomach was in knots. MM knew I was meeting my son for breakfast, that I'd be gone for a couple of hours. I wondered if he would leave while I was gone. He asked how long I'd be, and I said just an hour, wouldn't be long. I actually left earlier, drove up a street where I could see my place and sat for half an hour, expecting him to open my garage door, park his truck in front to start loading his things. But I had to leave, and I was actually gone for three hours. He didn't call my cell the whole time. Let me say that I was a wreck not knowing. When I was a couple miles away, I called on the pretense that I'd stop at Starbucks for us if he wanted coffee. He answered and I was finally able to breath. Things have been so loving between us except for that one nite. We carpool together to work, and these past two weekends we've done what we love best together, to ride our Harleys all day. I know that I'm happiest when I'm with him, without him I feel like a part of me is missing. We are both giving 150% to this relationship, we want it to work. I know what the statistics are and all I can do is let him know I love him.

[movinon05]

Patricia,

 

First of all, Sweetie, please write in paragraphs!! That is very hard to read!!

 

I remember your post last time and to tell you the truth, I'm glad he's with you. But I don't think you are out of the woods yet. Apparently you've been through this before. I can understand why you would be so afraid. You have every right to be. The only thing I can suggest is to try to relax and enjoy the time you have together. These things take time for it to all be taken care of. You two have to be a team.

 

Sometimes, men don't want to talk about their feelings. So try not to push him. Its okay to ask, but just let him know that you are there if he wants to talk.

 

You sound very panicked even though he is with you. Are you writing us to tell us what has happened and to share, or are you looking for some kind of advice. I'm not hearing happiness. So its hard to tell.

[Sami_D]

Hello Patricia. Not quite sure how to react to your post. It must be so hard going through all this.

 

I'm just wondering, is he still going to therapy?

 

I hope you and he manage to work things out.