aloneinthis Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Not looking for any bashing, but there is no place for the MW or MM who is having an affair to turn to. I am sure at least in this forum (OM/OW) there would be more understanding. If I posted this in the Infidelity forum, my post would have 10 pages of people telling me how horrible I am. Let me just say that in the OW/OM forum, I can say that there is something more than just having an affair. There are feelings involved, not just sex. In most cases with an affair, I think there are deep feelings involved. Am I right? I am having an affair, and my feelings are all over the place! I have no where to turn. I know I am wrong, I know the OM/OW know they are wrong too (for the most part) but how do you turn the feelings off? How do you not feel anything for the OW/OM? You cant, and if I can say anything it is that your MM or MW really do care about you. Dont let other posts tell you that you are worthless and mean nothing to the married person you are having an affair with. I smile when I am with him, I laugh, I feel things that I have not felt for a long time. Its nice to have someone who wants me, someone who treats with with respect, doesnt call me names. Even though I am not the OW, can anyone understand how this feels???
rossm Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Not looking for any bashing, but there is no place for the MW or MM who is having an affair to turn to. I am sure at least in this forum (OM/OW) there would be more understanding. If I posted this in the Infidelity forum, my post would have 10 pages of people telling me how horrible I am. Yeah, I figured that out pretty quickly also. It does provide another perspective, however. Everyone has their opinions. But sometimes you need support as well as advice. You came to the right place here. There are lots of regular readers/posters that understand your situation and can provide great advice. Let me just say that in the OW/OM forum, I can say that there is something more than just having an affair. There are feelings involved, not just sex. In most cases with an affair, I think there are deep feelings involved. Am I right? I am having an affair, and my feelings are all over the place! I have no where to turn. I know I am wrong, I know the OM/OW know they are wrong too (for the most part) but how do you turn the feelings off? How do you not feel anything for the OW/OM? You cant, and if I can say anything it is that your MM or MW really do care about you. Dont let other posts tell you that you are worthless and mean nothing to the married person you are having an affair with. I smile when I am with him, I laugh, I feel things that I have not felt for a long time. Its nice to have someone who wants me, someone who treats with with respect, doesnt call me names. Even though I am not the OW, can anyone understand how this feels??? Yes, there are people here who understand. Start by posting your story, and it will evolve from there.
Sami_D Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Yes, of course I can relate. My affair was definitely full of love, for both of us. And those feelings are absolutely impossible to 'turn off'. You can, however, make sensible decisions, despite your feelings (I believe).
Jessie61 Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Yes, there are people here who understand. Start by posting your story, and it will evolve from there. Yes, good idea! Tell us your story. I also think that there is a whole bunch of very understanding, caring and sensible people on this forum, who would be willing to help you. So, welcome, Aloneinthis!
Aloneinthis Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Yes, good idea! Tell us your story. I also think that there is a whole bunch of very understanding, caring and sensible people on this forum, who would be willing to help you. So, welcome, Aloneinthis! Ok, here it goes! Married for over a decade. My husband had cheated on me at least twice, last one most recent. I have always been faithful, never ever would have imagined on cheating, even through all the pain. Then, someone I have known forever, I start to see in a different light. We were always friends, but I would be lying if I said I never was attracted to him. After this affair my H had, I pretty much said, F*&ck it, and started contacting this other person. It became physical very fast, because we did not need to buld on the emotional part, we all ready had that. My H and I are in therapy to get our marriage back on track, and here I am, lying and betraying, something I thought I would never do. No, I dont want to marry this other guy, as he does not me. This person knows my H and has worked with him in the past, but no longer. He saw first hand how bad my H treated me (calling me names, treating me like I was stupid). He does not treat me this way, never would, I know that, its not in his personality. I dont have any regret for what I have done, I know I am wrong, but I feel justified in doing it. BUT, I know it is wrong. To make matters worse, this man is about 10 yrs younger then me. This makes me feel like I am taking advantage of him, but he tells me he makes his own decisions, and I have nothing to feel bad about. I am confused, I should end it, I actually gave him the option of walking away, which he chose not to do. I feel so alive when I am with him. He tells me what I want to hear, but he means it, I know he does. How do I walk away from that??
zarathustra Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Not looking for any bashing, but there is no place for the MW or MM who is having an affair to turn to. I am sure at least in this forum (OM/OW) there would be more understanding. If I posted this in the Infidelity forum, my post would have 10 pages of people telling me how horrible I am. Let me just say that in the OW/OM forum, I can say that there is something more than just having an affair. There are feelings involved, not just sex. In most cases with an affair, I think there are deep feelings involved. Am I right? I am having an affair, and my feelings are all over the place! I have no where to turn. I know I am wrong, I know the OM/OW know they are wrong too (for the most part) but how do you turn the feelings off? How do you not feel anything for the OW/OM? You cant, and if I can say anything it is that your MM or MW really do care about you. Dont let other posts tell you that you are worthless and mean nothing to the married person you are having an affair with. I smile when I am with him, I laugh, I feel things that I have not felt for a long time. Its nice to have someone who wants me, someone who treats with with respect, doesnt call me names. Even though I am not the OW, can anyone understand how this feels??? You are right, there are deep feelings involved. You don't turn your feelings off, but you do have a choice act or not to act on those feelings. I'm not saying its easy... but what do you want out of your M? What do you want out of the A? It think that while you don't have a choice in how you feel, you have a choice in what you do. I hope I don't come across as judgemental as that's not the intent at all.
scarletletter Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I can totally relate to your feelings. I am in the exact same situation but my affair is with a mm and I am also married. We are both wrong and we know it but the feelings are so incredible that it is way to hard to turn them off. I try to keep a level head and not expect too much. We enjoy our time together, as wrong as it is, and I don't think either one of us regret what we have done. It helps to keep us both sane even though what we are doing is totally INSANE. I don't know what I would ever do without him but I don't let him know that. I don't want to appear too needy or too clingy. We are both on the same page with this. We have so much love to give that is way beyond sex and no one to give it to. Both of our spouses are pathetic excuses for spouses. We don't want to hurt our children now with divorce even though if we are discovered, we would be in a huge mess that we are trying to avoid right now. We have weighed out the benefit vs. risk thing and we both agree that for now...we really need each other. End of story.
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