I am falling apart.

[Philipek]

I have recently broken up with my girl friend, and I am falling apart. Physically and emotionally. I can’t rationalize it. No matter what I do, I can get to grips with the situation.

 

I had been with my girlfriend for nearly three years. All I know is that I loved her with every fiber of my being. She was the wheat and everything else was the chaff. She touched me in a way that I never imagined. When she smiled, my heart melted. All I can see is her beautiful smile. It haunts me. I would have done anything for her. I gave her everything. I left my country, I leant a new language and I got stuck with a job I despise. I sacrificed my home, my family, my friends and my mother tongue for her. She took everything I had, and I gave it gladly, because just the thought of being with her was enough. I am not a greedy person. I have no money, nor do I want any. All I wanted was love, and that was I had. What more does a person need?

 

And now what do I have left? Nothing. Now I am stuck here in Warsaw. I came here with nothing but a suitcase and everything I have acquired since is tainted with her memory. I have no friends left, because they were all her friends. They have abandoned me through etiquette. They have known her a lot longer than they have known me, after all. All I can do is sit at home drinking and smoking. I can’t even imagine how to pick up the pieces. It seems as though I am stuck at the bottom of a well shouting for help, only there’s no one there to listen. Worst of all is that I can’t return home either. I have nowhere to live, no hope of finding a job. I am stuck here rotting.

 

The last time I saw her she turned and blew a kiss at me. She tells me she loves me, but all she wants is to be alone, to have her freedom. She’s in another country now. She went to Budapest to study. I came to Poland from England to be with her, and she ran away and abandoned me here. It hurts me like hell. All I want to do is hold her in my arms one more time, to tell her that I love her.

 

I tried to be the perfect boyfriend. I gave my girlfriend everything that I had. I sacrificed my whole life for her, and she’s run away and left me. Dumped me via text message from Budapest. I never cheated, I never even looked at other women. I didn’t get jealous, not once, because I trusted her. I cooked, I cleaned, I went shopping. I proposed at Easter. I filled my room with 100 candles, I made a perfect dinner, her favorite. I had a beautiful silver ring made (she prefers silver) and after we made love she said no and walked out. She sent me a text saying she needed time. And then, after it all, she tells me that she loves me, but she’s been with five men and now decides that she prefers her freedom to romance.

 

Some people spend their whole lives looking for their soul mate and never find that special person. They are the lucky ones. To have your happiness wrenched away is the most devastating experience imaginable. I feel like part of me has been amputated. People keep telling me I’ll get over it, and maybe I will, but I’m always going to be missing a part of me and she is always going to be tingling like a phantom limb. Why is that women only like a**holes? When you give them everything they want, they say it’s not enough. Maybe I should have spent my time beating her instead of wooing her, then maybe I wouldn’t be sitting alone in the world.

 

Even after hearing the news that she had been with other men I still loved her. I felt like I had been raped, but I tried to distance myself from physical pleasure and love. I sold everything I had to get a train ticket. I tried everything I could to get there and woo her, to make her understand that without her I am nothing. She told me that if I came to Budapest to see her, she would make sure she wasn’t there. She’d be in Zagreb. I can’t comprehend it. She tells me that she loves me, that there is no one else hotter than me for her, her last words to me were “I love you.” How can she love me and be so cruel? If she had just said "I hate you." then maybe I could cope. I feel like there's hope, even though there isn't

 

All I ever wanted was someone to hold in my arms. I don’t see how I can ever love again. I have nothing left to give. Where do I even begin to heal? What can I do? I have lost everything but my life, and this depression is taking that away from me inch by inch. I am self-destructing, I would even admit that I am relishing the pain. How can I pick up the pieces? Please, someone tell me what to do.

[PeanutHead88]

I'm sorry to hear about your break up, but why did you break up with her? from being with different men? It sounds like you gave this girl a little too much and sometimes when we do that we get taken advanage of. You can give your best and sometimes people just want more.

 

I feel the same way as you with feeling like you can never love again, but if you think about it of course your going to feel like that after you have loved that person, can't just love someone else right away...it will take some time, and I meen alot of time

 

All you can do is listen to our advice on here and do the best you can to keep your self busy, maybe read some books on breakups, I know your pain

[Philipek]

You what, I don't understand why we broke up. That's the hardest part. She just said that she loves me, but she needs her freedom. I wish I understood why. It would make life so much easier. Not knowing what I did wrong is terrible. How can I "learn" from that? Seems a bit unfair. I could have forgiven the affairs, I really could. I am not shallow enough to abandon love for that, not straight away. She just dumped me, plain and simple. I had no say in the matter. I put up a good fight, tried to convince her that she's wrong, but I lost.

 

My ex girlfriend is not stupid, she's probably too smart, she is not cruel and she is not a slut. At least she wasn't when we met. I may even have been her first, I don't know because I never asked (it's not really important, is it?)... so I just can't figure out why she flipped. And I don't understand the desire for freedom. I think that she has been lured by Budapest. Anyone who's been to Warsaw can understand the desire of seeing buildings not made of prefabricated concrete. But its just a place. What about Budapest changed her? I don't know, and I'll never know I guess.

 

It's not even the distance. We have been seperated by distance before, for weeks. It was never a problem. I used to write letters every day. None of it makes any sense to me anymore.

 

All I know is that I am left with the debris and no one to talk to about it. I am alone in this world, and it hurts.

[burning 4 revenge]

If you were her first and she's now been with five other men, that's not a good sign. Perhaps she experienced some sexual pleasure she had not experienced with you. Sex ruined my last relationship. I'm sick of people with options I'm lookin on handicap personals for a paraplegic

[tallbrunettmom]

I'm wonderng if she may be young? Women(myself included) while we are young like "bad boys". It draws us like a drug and we think its exciting and adventurous. As most of us grow up we realize that a long and lasting relationship takes kindness, caring and unselfishness rather than excitement and drama. I believe we have many people we can make a relationship work with...there's not just one person out there suited to you. Hang in there...we all go through problems...just keep fighting the battle and soon you'll see its easier tomorrow and the next day and the next.

[kitten chick]

wow. marry me?

[Ladylay]

You what, I don't understand why we broke up. That's the hardest part. She just said that she loves me, but she needs her freedom. I wish I understood why. It would make life so much easier. Not knowing what I did wrong is terrible. How can I "learn" from that? Seems a bit unfair. I could have forgiven the affairs, I really could. I am not shallow enough to abandon love for that, not straight away. She just dumped me, plain and simple. I had no say in the matter. I put up a good fight, tried to convince her that she's wrong, but I lost.

 

My ex girlfriend is not stupid, she's probably too smart, she is not cruel and she is not a slut. At least she wasn't when we met. I may even have been her first, I don't know because I never asked (it's not really important, is it?)... so I just can't figure out why she flipped. And I don't understand the desire for freedom. I think that she has been lured by Budapest. Anyone who's been to Warsaw can understand the desire of seeing buildings not made of prefabricated concrete. But its just a place. What about Budapest changed her? I don't know, and I'll never know I guess.

 

It's not even the distance. We have been seperated by distance before, for weeks. It was never a problem. I used to write letters every day. None of it makes any sense to me anymore.

 

All I know is that I am left with the debris and no one to talk to about it. I am alone in this world, and it hurts.

Keep writing the letters.

I have been through this but I guess worse.

I got engaged to a man, My first real love .[Long distance relationship.]

I was due to get married.

We had Purchased a house.

Everything booked for our wedding,

Because of my job I had limited time off, was working two jobs, to pay the mortgage on our future home.

I had handed in my notice, after my leaving party , On a whim I decided to drive to be with him.. 250 miles..

arrived at "our" new home to find him , in bed with his best friend .

 

Yep he was gay..

I was much like you are now..

I could not understand anything, nothing made sense..

 

The good news is you get through it, It takes time, to trust again.

But from experience I can assure you you do & you will.

If you love someone "Set them free"

I returned to my home town, jobless, homeless and with no-one to talk to.

I was so ashamed, If you want to chat away from public view pm me..

My heart goes out to you

[Whitt]

Some people spend their whole lives looking for their soul mate and never find that special person. They are the lucky ones. To have your happiness wrenched away is the most devastating experience imaginable. I feel like part of me has been amputated. People keep telling me I’ll get over it, and maybe I will, but I’m always going to be missing a part of me and she is always going to be tingling like a phantom limb. Why is that women only like a**holes? When you give them everything they want, they say it’s not enough. Maybe I should have spent my time beating her instead of wooing her, then maybe I wouldn’t be sitting alone in the world.

 

Don't worry too much. You will get over her and it will take time, but time does heal all wounds. My ex-fiance and I broke up 7 years ago and it took 4 years to get over him. The first few months are the worst and by the end, it will be so much better. Do not hang on, however - this only postpones the hurt. I felt the same way you do - that I'd never find my soul mate (I thought he was the one) and I still haven't but I do have hope again. I know I will find that person someday. I have been seeing a therapist for a while now and she has convinced me that those people who do not find their solemates are the ones that give in too early and seetle for someone that isn't everything they wanted. Join some clubs and meet new people. Pick up a new hobby. Join a dating service. You will be okay and you will find the one. It just takes time. Anyway, who knows, she may come crawling back one day. My ex did (It took six years) and now I just don't want to be with him - I'd rather be alone.

[Philipek]

I'm wonderng if she may be young? Women(myself included) while we are young like "bad boys". It draws us like a drug and we think its exciting and adventurous. As most of us grow up we realize that a long and lasting relationship takes kindness, caring and unselfishness rather than excitement and drama. I believe we have many people we can make a relationship work with...there's not just one person out there suited to you. Hang in there...we all go through problems...just keep fighting the battle and soon you'll see its easier tomorrow and the next day and the next.

Thanks for your kind words. She's not young. Well she's 25. I know that's not old, but she's not an 16 year old with no clue about life. You know, I am nice. I have respect for women, really I do. That's a really long and painful story. But why must a man be bad to be exiting?

[tallbrunettmom]

LOL...25v is young in this day and age. Most people aren't settling down with one person until early 30's. She's probably just spreading her wings. Anyway, why do women like bad boys...like I said we think its exciting when we're young. Then we grow up and and the nurturing instinct kicks in and we say alright...find a nice guy, someone who will be a good father and will treat me well. Trust me...stay nice its a dying breed. Also many of us have past relationship issues that make us vulnerable to that wolf in sheeps clothing. Trust me...I've married two wolves. Hang in there...and take my advice which is this...don't rush into finding another relationship...I did and I ended up right back where I started. Nice guys don't always finish last....we just take a long time finding you.

[Brittanyjean06]

Hey even at 16 you can get your heart torn apart and it still can take a cuple of years for you to heal

 

Well you are going to have to except that she broke up with you, I know the first cuple of weeks and months are very very painful and sometimes unbearable but there is nothing you can do but sit through it and help your self to feel better. It does take alot of time, not just a cuple of months and sometimes maybe even years. But each person comes in to your life and teachers you soemthing, they show you how to love more. Well thats what my book tells me lol

 

Books help alot, you'll be interested in reading more when you get done with one

[Philipek]

wow. marry me?

 

I'm sure you're being facetious, and I'd pm to thankyou, but I can't. But that was a really nice thing to say...

[Philipek]

Hey even at 16 you can get your heart torn apart and it still can take a cuple of years for you to heal

I know. I was harsh and unfair and mellowing in self pity. Sorry. I know that age is loveless.

[Philipek]

If you were her first and she's now been with five other men, that's not a good sign. Perhaps she experienced some sexual pleasure she had not experienced with you. Sex ruined my last relationship. I'm sick of people with options I'm lookin on handicap personals for a paraplegic

 

Arhhh. I don't get it. Really I don't. She said that the last time we made love was the best she'd ever had, as far as physical pleasure goes. Maybe a lie, maybe not. I do know my ex, I know her better than anyone. She may have said that as some kind of easy let off. I am sure that at this point she hadn't cheated, but who can say. I am not a bad lover. I am not being a man and justifying myself with irrational thoughts and boasting, but as far as love making goes, when we were together it was perfect. Even she would testify to this. I hope. Something else went wrong. I don't know what. And that's the killer.

 

I loved, I sacrificed, I gave... I never cheated, never hit. Maybe a woman here with an insight can explain? I don't understand. What do you want with us?

[Brittanyjean06]

Sometimes its not a woman or a man thing, it can just be a human thing

 

HANG IN THERE THOUGH there will be a bright side

[mending_heart]

I dont think you necessarily have to be an a-hole to maintain a relationship. But there is such thing as being too nice.

 

I know when you love someone so immensely, its hard not to do everything for the person you love; just to show them how much you care. But you need you have your own life.

 

Seeing your story, it seems like you placed her on a pedestal, and now that shes gone you are left with 'nothing'. The best thing to do is build up your life again. Go out, make friends, and find a new job. Its not easy, but it will be that much better and rewarding when these things happen (and they will).

 

And the next time you find that special someone, make sure you don't leave behind your life for her. Afterall, how do you expect to be happy with someone when you cant find happiness on your own? Your partner isn't responsible for your happiness, you are.

 

In time things will get better, you will persevere. Its ok to take some time to feel miserable, thats normal!

[Philipek]

Ok, tried taking some advice, so I spent the day writing emails to old university friends. One even replied and I even got the offer of a weekend in Oxford. Shame he’s a guy and my old flatmate, but nice to know that not everyone has forgotten me! I even signed up for a dating service, just for a laugh. What harm can it do? I prostituted myself here http://www.plentyoffish.com/member1768366.htm#in

So, how bad is that profile! Well, it was a suggestion from a forumer, to join a dating agency… maybe a bad idea, who can say.

 

I have a huge problem though. I have no idea how start finding friends here. Where do I begin? It’s hard enough walking into a bar and introducing yourself in English, try doing it in another country in another language! Does anyone have any experience with this? Any Polish speakers reading this who can give me a crash course in charm?

 

Then again, maybe I should just walk away and go somewhere else? Is that cowardice, stupidity or good logic? I have enough money to pay this month’s rent, or buy a plane ticket somewhere exotic to start over. I was walking to work this morning alongside a train track and I started thinking “Where do those tracks go? What if I were just to keep walking?” If I go north I can follow them all the way to Moscow, if I go south I end up in Vienna. It’s tempting. And I know it’s wholly irrational and ill-conceived, and I know that running away is never a solution. But part of me just wants to. At the end of the day I came here for her, and now she’s gone there really is little reason to stay, is there?

 

As a final solution I could go to England, but I don’t want to. Besides, the only future I have there is sleeping on floors until I can get subsistence level employment and be equally as miserable as I am here, only with the endless rainy days under London’s gunmetal sky as an extra added misery.

 

Well, anyone got any bright ideas? I haven’t got a clue want to do. Just get over her I guess.

[Guest]

Get out of Poland, England, etc

 

Hit a medittereanean country.....you need more sunshine and the women there are very beautiful.

 

So what if you have to camp out. At least youre living a dynamic life and not many Americans are living abroad like you are.

[Baby]

i feels for you.philip. im gutted too. we have almost the same experience. pls take care yrself. no one else will for us. pray for some one to come into yr life at this tryin time and hopefuly God will send u an angel in yr time of need. when everythings feels like the end, itll mostly will only get better. love for you.

[Carlthecoffeeaddict]

i just wanted to say that your experience, from start to finish is something the majority of us don't experience. I wish I could go to Europe and experience life there, and the fact that what has happened to you seems to be that you have defined your whole life around this whole situation with your ex. Although initially she was the reason you are out there now, but you have to separate that fact and move on.

 

I totally know the pain, the isolation you are putting yourself through, and you have to know that this is just part of life. These episodes will make you or break you, which will it be?

 

but the message is this, you can't seek validation of your life through a woman or women, in other words, don't center your life and place your emotions in the hands of someone else. Others were right when they said you put her on a pedestal.

 

My biggest advice to you is to immerse yourself into activity and become very social. Learn the language there for starters, Polish girls love Americans (im guessing) so you have that advantage.

 

Never seek validation as a man from a woman, seek it within yourself.

[Philipek]

Polish girls love Americans (im guessing) so you have that advantage.

 

Maybe they do, But I don't have that advantage, I am British. Besides, this is not a third world county where people are desperate to escape. Poland is a member of the European Union now, and any Polish girl who wants to go to England can. No visa, no problems.

 

Besides, I am not going to sell my nationality in order to meet friends. I want someone to like me for what I am, not for what it says on my passport. What is England but the place where my parents f**ked, and why does that make me special? It doesn't. I don't like this attitue, really I don't. Surely what's important is who I am, not what I am?

 

And I never said I didn't speak the language. I learnt Polish and nawet mowię bardzo dobrze po polsku, ja tylko spitałem jak możne spotkać z kobietę? What I meant was that it's harder to meet someone in a second language. It's harder to find common ground.

 

Please don't think I'm rude, and I thank you for your support, it means a lot to me.

[Ruff Ryder]

Man I feel the pain my friend, its hard to deal with and its hard to see the light and its hard to put yourself out there again and its hard to wake up and its hard to be you and its hard to be happy and its hard to feel anything other than the pain and even that is hard.

 

The sleepless nights the cold days the tears that just want to break through. The hole that you are living in is a deep dark lonley one.

 

Sorry excuse the way I have posted the above "alot of negitive thoughts there"

 

May I just suggest some thing? or ask some thing? Was the pain worth the experince of loving and being loved? Was it not the greatest thing in the world to feel love give and recive it?

 

The reason I ask is becasue just think about how great it will be to love the one that is ment for you (she wasnt thats why you not with her) is the idea of the pain you feeling now only going to make the next one so much better? is the thought that you need to feel the bad times to be able to enjoy the good ones to far fetched for you?

 

I know what you are feeling right now and correct me if im wrong " I will never love again" or " I cant feel any worce" one in the same. Think about this.

 

" If she wan not the one for you and you felt so strong for her the just try to comprehend that how Great no fantatic not even that just how perfect it will be when the next one come to you the one that you ment to love"

 

I wish I could say when it would happen you see thats the catch here it cant and wont happen till you let gop ofthe pain and hurt it will nevery happen while you in the hole you in. Just be strong be happy be YOU be the person that she fell in love with. You were happy before you met her be happy without her. Its hard to say and do but is it really impossible? Make a decision will you let this consume you or will you fight and beat it? Will you lay down and be kicked over and over or will you stand up and fight?

 

Be strong

[Philipek]

May I just suggest some thing? or ask some thing? Was the pain worth the experince of loving and being loved? Was it not the greatest thing in the world to feel love give and recive it?

Well, as the old cliche goes, it better to have loved and lost....

 

What I have learnt is this: don't give your heart away so easily. Let me tell you the last thing I said to her.

 

I wrote a letter, good old snail mail.

 

"my dearest *****

 

Listen to me just one more time. You have touched me more profoundly than I ever thought anyone could touch me. My heart was full when I was with you. This is the only one certainty I had in life.

You say you want someone better than me.

You say you want a better me. This I cannot offer.

All I can give you is my heart, unconditionally and forever. It belongs to no one else and nor do I wish to give it to someone else. Whatever may happen, know that my love rests forever with you. From now, till the day you die."

 

I tried writing things down, and that's what I got. I write a lot by the way, but that's a letter I never sent. However, the question is this: do I feel like that now? I've had time to think. Rationally speaking I do NOT feel like that. My heart wants to think overwise, but Mr Brain will win, I assure you.

 

So yes, I put her on a pedastool, I made her into a god and I gave her my whole life. I was probably wrong, but I am a firm believer in giving everything to the one you love. Perhaps you get abused, but if you want love to last forever you have no alternative.

 

But what next? What I want to know is this: Leave or stay? Cope or run away? I wish I knew the answer to that question.

[Ruff Ryder]

" Some things are easier to let go of than to understand " I would never recomend running NEVER but letting go is diffrent.

 

My question is can you live without her. Its such a simple question but think about it can you?

[Philipek]

" Some things are easier to let go of than to understand " I would never recomend running NEVER but letting go is diffrent.

 

My question is can you live without her. Its such a simple question but think about it can you?

 

Honest answer: yes. I lived without out her for 24 years, and I can live without her for next 50. Mr Brain tells me that. I guess I just have to ingore the heart for a few weeks/months/years...

 

I guess a good cathartic rant helps a lot. And having people tell me what I need to be told helps.