I'm losing my faith

[feistybutloving]

Hi,

 

I,m a mother of three and in my 30's and this is all new to me. I found this websight accidentaly boy am I glad! Anyways, last year was really rough I went through a seperation and ended up really Ill. My husband and I were together for 15 years thats a long time. My husband and I had problems. The last 3 years was awfull all we did was fight argue and break things and knew I couldn't live like that. His drinking got worse every day I looked at him I asked my self is it worth it of course not. What was I suppose to do sit around and watch him drink himself to death? Besides I knew he wasn't happy he always talked about leaving and told everyone else. Anyways I asked my husband to move out in nov 2004 so he did and I met someone else in the end of feb 2005 2 months later I became ill had to have surgery. 3 weeks later another surgery followed by another this time 3 surgerys but the last one was awful my incesion was 10 inches long and 2 1/2 inches deep you could see my rib cage it was left open for 6 mounths anyways, I gave up my apartment and moved in with my new boyfriend. I missed my kids I didn't see them for a while even though I talked to them it wasn't the same. I wasn't able to care for my self or them. Several mounths later I got my boys back it was hard at first but I managed. That's when the real challenge began I use to live in a bad area and my kids needed to adjust to the changes. I now live in a house on a normal block with normal people who are more family orintated and have more family values. So naturally the boys had trouble fitting in, new school, new friends, new family and lots of rules that must be followed or consenquenses would apply the first change was video games they were limited to 2 hours a day no ands ifs or buts that was final. I limited them on lots of things now they accept it. If a game is not rated for them it's forbidden. At first it was hard there father disagreed on many things and let them get away with it. Finally were seeing eye to eye he is in a serious relationship he really cares for her and the kids are crazy about her too and he dosen't drink anymore thank god for that! My problem now is with my other half he is such a pain in the butt!!!! He is too strict oh god these kids can't get away with anything, this house must be spotless, i'm forbidden to work and we argue when i communicate with my family, kids father and friends. He wants me too himself. Every other weekend we have no kids we go out and have a blast we always travel something new always I love him so much but sometimes I just want to be alone I miss my family job and friends. And most of all being dependent on my self. I have always had my own money paid bills and had my own tranportation. Were getting ready to give up my vehical up we have 2 others but I like having my own. It's a security thing I guess I was taught never to depend on any one. Will I ever overcome this feeling? God I hope so! We have a good thing going but trusting people is not one of my things I always have to have a back up plan. My other half was born and raised in So. America and has a wonderful and loving family very religious and family oriantated I envy that so much and I don't think I can meet his expectations thats what he want's. Education is also very important we want these kids to make something of them selves so bad we'll do whatever it takes my family was uneducated his family including him is successful.

 

 

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