almostthere Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I hate to have to keep revisiting this topic over and over. my bf and i are moving in together in two weeks. I can still stop it if i want to. i guess i am at a point now that the resentment i have towards him letting his exw walk all over me and him for the first 7 - 8 months of our relationship is just too much for me to just get over. its been quiet for a little while now. maybe a month. she hasnt said anything. but she did call my bfs sister to ask if i was there because she wanted to bring the kids over and she didnt want to have to see me. i just cannot handle it anymore. i am not ready for all of this. i love him to death. i think he is amazing and pretty much perfect for me but there is just too much baggage. i kinda feel like i should take a week or two alone and I found this book called ex-wives and ex-lives. its written for second wives dealing with things i am...and really read it and think about what is happening in my life. and why i feel this way. i dont know if it is because all the arguing they did for the past 7 months in front of me or behind my back or what. but now i am even checking phone records to see how long and often they talk on the phone now that she said he cheated on me with her. i am going crazy. my mind races and i am feeling jealous and resentful and these are not feelings i am used to having and feelings i didnt have as strongly as i have now. even though the worst of it (i think) is over. I feel like i need to write to her and get it off my chest. but then i feel that i will only resent my bf more because i had to tell her everything. i just feel like walking away. but i know id be losing the absolute best person i ever met. i dont know why i am stressing so much. its comes down to now me wondering if he was like he is to her too or if this is special to our relationship. stupid things like...does he love me more then he loved her. are the goofy things he does to make me smile only done to me? things you shouldnt stress about. i guess i am not mature enough to handle such a complicated matter. and do i talk to him yet again about all this and have him get mad at me? can i possibly have an adult talk about me wanting some time away to think about all this? does it have to be an argument? i just want to sit down and cry. and i havent been so emotional in years. i just need someone to talk to and i dont have anyone else. thats why i come here. between two jobs, schooling, two kids and a bf i really have lost contact with all my friends. and i dont want to talk to my family about all this. i just cannot look past it and move on with me and him. this is not an option.
Recommended Posts