allina Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I've been thinking about this for a while, and hope that some of you LS-ers can help satisfy my curiosity Here is my question, how old were you when you were in your fisrt long term relationship? How long has been your longest relationship? Is it weird for an almost 25 year old woman to have never been in a relationship lasting more than a year? It seems like everyone has my age has been in relationships lasting 3-5+ years, is this the norm??
Pyro Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I've been thinking about this for a while, and hope that some of you LS-ers can help satisfy my curiosity Here is my question, how old were you when you were in your fisrt long term relationship? How long has been your longest relationship? Is it weird for an almost 25 year old woman to have never been in a relationship lasting more than a year? It seems like everyone has my age has been in relationships lasting 3-5+ years, is this the norm?? I am not sure what they consider the norm, but I am 24 and my longest lasting one has been 1.5 years. My first LT, I was 20. Nothing to feel weird about.
sweetie7 Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I'm 23 and my longest has been almost 3 years. But I also have friends that have never really been in LTR and are really cool people.
kellyp1 Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 My longest was 6 years, we were engaged to be married when I was 24. It didn't happen and I have been single for about 7 years now.
IWalkAlone Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I'm in my early 30s, and I've never dated anyone on a regular basis for longer than 6 weeks or so, although I've had some "on and off" things that lasted as long as six months. I have no idea how everyone else seems to have these strong relationships. They seem so fragile to me. The odds of meeting someone I really like who really likes me also seems to be like winning the lottery.
MadDog Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 The frustrating thing about relationships is that it's all about luck. I mean, there are certain personality types out there who aren't meant to be in committed relationships but assuming you're a person who's mature enough to handle a relationship, it's still 98% luck whether you find one that lasts or not. There's nothing you can do to increase your chances of meeting that special someone. Aside from making sure that you're not socially isolated and are somewhat putting yourself out there so that you can meet some new people, it all comes down to luck. It's frustrating because most other things in life, what you get is proportional to the effort you put in. I don't lke relying on luck either but I can't change how the universe works.
Author allina Posted May 16, 2006 Author Posted May 16, 2006 The frustrating thing about relationships is that it's all about luck. That's interesting, I've actually considered that before, as in, is it pure luck or is it also something we do to make things last or not last. I actually consider myself pretty lucky when it comes to dating/relationships, I guess I just haven't met someone that I could see myself with in the long run.
Sand&Water Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 That's interesting, I've actually considered that before, as in, is it pure luck or is it also something we do to make things last or not last. I actually consider myself pretty lucky when it comes to dating/relationships, I guess I just haven't met someone that I could see myself with in the long run. The encounterment of a new relationship, and how it pans out is a combination of things - luck, chance, and cause-and-effect phenomena. You should consider yourself lucky, since you're gaining experience from your surroundings which makes your standards all the more personal. This way you'll know exactly what you want in a man. Give these things time. You're still young. It's only when you decide that it's time for a serious relationship, that mass amount of concern and thought should be taken. And you'll know when that time arrives.
starlet Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 It really is just luck, I think. I'm 28, and I had one relationship that lasted four years, one that lasted four months, and my current one, which is about at the seven month mark. Everybody thought I was going to marry the 4-year guy. Ha! Nope! - And all this time, I've watched my friends get married to people that they've dated for like a year - so it just depends really. Which doesn't make you feel better, I know - but unless you feel like you're making a conscious choice to keep ending relationships before they go on longer than that, I think you're fine.
barfool Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I'm 25 and had a 6 year relationship. I think that length at my age is abnormal and not entirely a good thing. Though I don't regret the time I spent, I also missed out on a lot of experiences. I think 1-2 years is good for this age.
Kengne Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I'm 23 now. I was 17 when I met my 3rd bf, and that r/s lasted for 4.5 yrs. That was my 1st LTR (LTR = more than 1 yr). I've been with my current bf for 3+ mths this year (we were together for 5 mths last year, then broke up). So I think you're 'normal' lol. K.
kitten chick Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I didn't even know that people could be in relationships that long before they were 30 until I got to LS. I know very few people that were in relationships for more than 2 years under the age of 30. Things are different in different parts of the country (or world). I noticed you're in the Bay Area, people in metropolitan areas generally move a bit slower in the LTR department. Coming from a major metropolitan area myself I had to learn not to compare myself to my friends from Oklahoma and Ohio. I was also told to check out the local paper's wedding announcements to see the age of people of my socio-economic background getting married. The day that I looked there were only 2 that were under 30 years old.
prfrogkisser Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 The longest relationship i had was when i was 21. It was a 4 year relationship. After that my relationships have been short.The longest a year. I noticed as a got older my priorities changed and i wouldnt settle for less than what i deserved.
alphamale Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 my first LTR (defined as >1 year) was my marriage. I was 28 when I married. Personally I don't think people under the age of 25 should be getting into LTRs. They are not emotionally or mentally prepared yet....not to mention most of them have their heads up their asses
Alexandra Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I am not sure what they consider the norm, but I am 24 Oh wow I didn't realize you were such a puppy Riddler. That's a compliment btw. Not the fact that you are, the fact I didn't think so The frustrating thing about relationships is that it's all about luck. I love how you always give me something meaty to disagree on It may be that for a certain age group when people are more prone to "play the numbers" and heavily date, luck has a larger role but I absolutely think it's less and less common with age. As we mature and have packed a certain number of relationships under our belt our EQ raises and it becomes a matter of using the knowledge we already have to make a relationship last.
Guest Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Things are different in different parts of the country (or world). I noticed you're in the Bay Area, people in metropolitan areas generally move a bit slower in the LTR department. I really agree with that. Please don't bash me for being stereotypical, but it does seem like in certain parts of the country, it is normal to be married and have children by 25, I can't imagine that!
Vertex Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Oh wow I didn't realize you were such a puppy Riddler. That's a compliment btw. Not the fact that you are, the fact I didn't think so I love how you always give me something meaty to disagree on It may be that for a certain age group when people are more prone to "play the numbers" and heavily date, luck has a larger role but I absolutely think it's less and less common with age. As we mature and have packed a certain number of relationships under our belt our EQ raises and it becomes a matter of using the knowledge we already have to make a relationship last. I am gonna have to agree with MadDog here. You are right though, that people mature and use new knowledge to figure out what is best for them and what traits to seek, but even if the traits are compatible, there is still a ton of luck involved. You can't predict what life throws at you, and it's not always clear how people will deal with issues. Relationships are a lot like throwing dice over and over again. A more mature relationship may give your dice more sides -- but even with a decreased probability, it's still possible that, during a roll, you'll strike out.
alphamale Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Oh wow I didn't realize you were such a puppy Riddler. yes ALEX, that explains a lot about RIDDLER. I did not know he was 24. That explains all his wide-eyed idealistic enthusiasm about life, love and relationships. It's OK however....he'll eventually get beaten down like the rest of us when he gets older.
basscatcher Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 age 15 -1st bf lasted 7 months age 16 -2nd bf lasted off and on for 2 years. (various men here and there during last 1 1/2 yrs followed below-- I layered these relationships and stuck them inbetween 2 bf off and on relationship to fill in the gaps and loneliness (I was so very dysfunctional )----- age 17 to 18- 3rd bf- 7 months 4th bf- 4 months 5th bf- 2 week 6th bf- 1 week several one night stands and weekend flings. age 18- (husband) 11 1/2 years...I met my XH and broke up with all the men I was playing with. age 29- 4 1/2 years (I left H, divorced him and got involved with an acquaintance/previous co-worker.) age 33- 1 1/2 years (broke up with bf and dated a classmate-friend from college) age 35-6 months (dated/met 7 men after this one and before last one as follows below.) age 36 to 37-7 months Now I'm single with no one.. (I'm currntly 37 yrs old) Successful, healthy LTR are about compatability, forgiveness, understanding, respect, communication. Most of my relationsihps were not healthy. I allowed myself to be a doormat so I didn't have to be alone. For years I suffered from feelings of neglect, severe low-self esteem, abandonment, fear of being alone, fear of never being loved, fear of never being wanted, fear of never being accepted so when I got involved with someone I held on for as long as I could. When the physical, extreme mental and emotional abuse started and it started to show affects on my son I got out.. Now I get out of relationships when I am not being cared for, respected, loved. I still have the struggle of letting go. But, I don't turn a blind eye to the dysfunction as I once did and ignor the problems.. I Think I reverted to what I should have done in my late teens early 20s. Instead I was a mother by the age of 20, married, unhappy, tied-down. while the women I was meeting were single, having fun, dating, partying. I'm doing all that now. I'm nearing 40 yrs old.
ronnieromance Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 You know, on an esoteric level I noticed I started having longer relationship when I stopped paying attention to how long they were. Now, in all actuality this is probably a coincidence that these things coincided, and my EQ was at a mature point, like Alex said.
Author allina Posted May 16, 2006 Author Posted May 16, 2006 age 18- (husband) 11 1/2 years...I met my XH and broke up with all the men I was playing with. WOW. Thank you for sharing, you must have a great memory of details I think with me, being in my 20's unhappily married with children is my worst nightmare. I'm also picky when it comes to how a man treats me, I think people on LS have thought I was bitchy because I often can not believe some of the s*** people here put up w/ from partners. I'm glad you're becomming stronger and not letting people walk all over you anymore =)
basscatcher Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 WOW. Thank you for sharing, you must have a great memory of details I think with me, being in my 20's unhappily married with children is my worst nightmare. I'm also picky when it comes to how a man treats me, I think people on LS have thought I was bitchy because I often can not believe some of the s*** people here put up w/ from partners. I'm glad you're becomming stronger and not letting people walk all over you anymore =) Unhappiness comes from our belief systems not being met. I look back at my age now and I wish I wouldn't have been married. BUT I can't change the past. I can also remember how unstable I felt when I was alone. I yearned madly to be held, loved, showered with lots of affection and attention. I wanted to be taken care of and to also take care of someone. (I still have those desires, wants and needs) The difference now is I don't want to settle. I settled with my XH and that was a mistake. We were already pg by 6 months dating, then we moved in together, then I miscarried, then I was pg with my son 1 1/2 months later. (neither of my pgs were accident--we purposely were trying to get pg at age 18...!!!) A psychologist told me it is what she called "Cinderella Complex". We both came from dysfunctional familys and we just wanted to make our lives different from everyone else so we set out to have a family, get work, buy a house, live out lives without our familys influence. :lmao: What a joke.. We were too young, inexperienced, didn't know what reality was. We lived in our own worlds. He was living a world of his own without my knowledge too. I fully trusted him and I shouldn't have. He lied to me from the beginning. He made himself out to be who he really wasn't. Thats where I really began to mold myself to him and sacrafice what my wants and needs were. Then the guilt of my child. I didn't want my child to grow up without both of his parents activiely in his life. That was a joke too. Because his father was a deadbeat even though we were married, lived together, worked at the same company.. I was everything to my son. This is why I didn't have anymore children.. I couldn't bring more children into that type of relationsihp. Now I may not be able to have anymore. I was diagnosed with endometriosis, I have scar tissue built up, my hormones are out of balance and I'm peri-menopausal.. Never put such high expectations on your life. You can't always control the outcome and you may not want too. I carried high expectations and wants and none of them have come true. I tried to make them come true. Don't rush, don't push, don't make demands on yourself. It's good to have dreams and plans but don't set them in concrete. Life has a way of skewing your road. Enjoy your life. Love will come. It may go. It will come again. Learn from it. Enjoy it. Don't give up because things get tough. When times are hard we learn the most and that education makes us wiser.
Pyro Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 yes ALEX, that explains a lot about RIDDLER. I did not know he was 24. That explains all his wide-eyed idealistic enthusiasm about life, love and relationships. It's OK however....he'll eventually get beaten down like the rest of us when he gets older. You would like for me to be as bitter about woman as you wouldn't you? Sorry Alphie, life is too short to be bitter about something. Newflash, I have been cheated on in the past and it sucked. I am aware that my relationship can end at anytime, but I have a good relataionship and because I have been fortunate enough to discover my faith and be able to learn from my past mistakes, I will continue to have a positive and idealistic outlook on life. I will not be surprised by anything that life will throw at me, so your opinion about me goes in one ear and out the other.
Pyro Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 my first LTR (defined as >1 year) was my marriage. I was 28 when I married. Personally I don't think people under the age of 25 should be getting into LTRs. They are not emotionally or mentally prepared yet....not to mention most of them have their heads up their asses This doesn't apply to everyone in that age bracket, so don't generalize.
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