StoneyHeart Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Today was a good day. Unfortunately, it is because I talked to MM all day! This is just an EA, so today I tell myself it's not such a bad thing to be doing. Yes, rationally, it is tearing me to pieces. But then I speak to him, and it is like getting a mood lift to talk about nothing. So, for the 10th time NC has not worked, and it's head vs. heart. My head KNOWS better, my heart DOES NOT. What should I do?? I keep trying to stop this because of outside forces, not because I want to lose my best friend. Remind me again of all the reasons why this is stupid??!!!
Sami_D Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Oh dear... I don't know why (exactly) NC would be good for you. Why did you go NC? This is my second go at NC, and I'm determined to stick to it... BUT... you can bet that a few times every day I'll get that little devil in my ear telling me that 'it can't hurt' to text him, just to tell him whatever, or to hear him say whatever... or... whatever... The mind can come up with dozens of really good reasons to call. In fact, for every reason you can think of to stay NC, there's a good argument against it (or is this just how MY mind goes..?) My answer... I don't think about it. I am staying NC. I'm not listening to the voices!!!!!
Jessie61 Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 My answer... I don't think about it. I am staying NC. I'm not listening to the voices!!!!! I wish I could have done that........... NOT listen to the voices!!!! Stoney Heart, I am sorry to see that you are struggling. I wonder if you went into this NC fully determined to stick it out? You must have had your reasons, but do you remember them? I also wonder if you have yet reached the stage in the A where the humiliation and hurt of being the constant OW outweighs the buzz you get from spending a day talking to MM? When you do, the reasons for going and staying NC will probably sort themselves out...?
RealityCheck Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Stoney..... A wise person once said to me "in order to get over one, you should get under another"!! Does it work? Sometimes, but one sure thing I do know is it certainly HELPS! Little rubber party hats should be the main dress code! *wink*
silentjuliet Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Today was a good day. Unfortunately, it is because I talked to MM all day! This is just an EA, so today I tell myself it's not such a bad thing to be doing. Yes, rationally, it is tearing me to pieces. But then I speak to him, and it is like getting a mood lift to talk about nothing. So, for the 10th time NC has not worked, and it's head vs. heart. My head KNOWS better, my heart DOES NOT. What should I do?? I keep trying to stop this because of outside forces, not because I want to lose my best friend. Remind me again of all the reasons why this is stupid??!!! I just completely understand where you are coming from. Completely. I wish I could offer advice but I can't even stop a friendship that I know is an EA. If I did it would be like an addiction and going through manic withdraw. *HUGS*
Author StoneyHeart Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 Stoney..... A wise person once said to me "in order to get over one, you should get under another"!! Does it work? Sometimes, but one sure thing I do know is it certainly HELPS! Little rubber party hats should be the main dress code! *wink* I SO NEEDED THIS! I AM DYINg laughing!!!! Unfortuately, I did try this route and it helped for 2 weeks and then drove me backwards b/c mr. single could not carry on a conversation and was terrible "over" too!!
Author StoneyHeart Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 I just completely understand where you are coming from. Completely. I wish I could offer advice but I can't even stop a friendship that I know is an EA. If I did it would be like an addiction and going through manic withdraw. *HUGS* Thank you for the hugs! RIght back to you!! It is such an addiction it isn't even funny. I did read a book called "Love Sick" and it really did subscribe to that theory that the chemical rush of love is addicting. My problem is that this is a continual rush (in a roller coaster way!)- and with guys in the real world everything fizzles quite fast.... And we talked again today, like nothing had ever been wrong....this is so odd!
Blind Illusion Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I have a whole online diary with the same sentiment of it being a good day because I spoke to HIM. For years, I let it define my days. Then there were the perfectly good days where I didn't hear from him so I rendered them "Bad" in my mind. As recent as January and February, I was still doing this. Sometimes I still do
stillafool Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Is anyone having a long distance EA and is it working. I haven't talked to my MM in 7 days and its killing me. I will get that book "Love Sick". Already it describes my mood. Stoneyheart, I too it a good day when I talk to mine. NC works for me unless he reaches me and then I melt like butter at the sound of his voice. It's definitely not easy. Do you think we find them so attractive because they are unavailable? Does it make everything hotter? Is the MM the true "bad boy"? Or were they "bad boys" who ended up getting married and became badder? I'm sorry I'm babbling from a lack of sleep. I wish you luck with NC.
Author StoneyHeart Posted May 18, 2006 Author Posted May 18, 2006 Is anyone having a long distance EA and is it working. I haven't talked to my MM in 7 days and its killing me. I will get that book "Love Sick". Already it describes my mood. Stoneyheart, I too it a good day when I talk to mine. NC works for me unless he reaches me and then I melt like butter at the sound of his voice. It's definitely not easy. Do you think we find them so attractive because they are unavailable? Does it make everything hotter? Is the MM the true "bad boy"? Or were they "bad boys" who ended up getting married and became badder? I'm sorry I'm babbling from a lack of sleep. I wish you luck with NC. yes, i am very buttery too this week- he's being so nrmal, and it's not even in any kind of sappy way or like he is feeding me lines. it's just normal talking about a zillion subjects and I can't turn it off. What kills me is "knowing the shorthand" and what it takes to do that again. Funny thing, my MM not really a bad boy, but maybe more like me, we spend a lot of time out there with these good boy/girl outward appearances, but both maybe need this version of being bad so that we don't become total bores. And, for me, yes, his unavailability seems to be the key to the success. SOmeone introduced me to a person that lives far away recently and he has been super nice on email (i am not quite sure how to respond, but then he says "what's your number" and all I can think is "I don't have time to talk to you"- the MM never bugs me when I need to be focused on the kiddos and never gets his feelings hurt when they disrupt my plans, etc. Not demanding on my time, yes, that's part of the equation.
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