buzzie2 Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 I just had something quite upsetting happen to me today. Well my bf who lives out of town phoned me last week on my birthday and told me that he would be sending me a small gift in the mail. Well I finally got it today and was very excited; thinking it was going to be something really special. You know the feeling you get when you're really looking forward to something? Well that was how I was feeling- so imagine my disapointment when I opened the gift and not only did he not get me a card but it was a cheap antena decoration of a canadian flag for my car and a glasses and cell phone holder for the dash. It looked like he spent a whopping 5 bucks on the whole gift. My bf has a really good job in fact he just bought a brand new chevy truck. I know they say that it's the thought that counts but honestly it didn't look like he put much thought into it at all; it actually reminded me of those people that re-gift or buy last minute gifts. Do I have a right to be upset with this? Or am I overreating? It's just that he got me all excited when he phoned me on my birthday and said he'd be sending me a small gift in the mail; I was really hoping it would be jewellry. I always put so much thought into HIS birthday gifts too.
vampress1 Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 oh, yeah, that gift kind of sucks!! Sorry! I'm not sure that being upset about it will accomplish anything, but it's certainly understandable that you would be. What did you say to him when you talked after opening the gift?
a4a Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I would not say a thing but thank you and just give him something very similar for his birthday...... coffee mug comes to mind Or maybe a package of #2 pencils LMAO!! Some men just don't think or care.
Author buzzie2 Posted May 16, 2006 Author Posted May 16, 2006 the only thing I said to him before I got the gift was that I thought it was a really sweet gesture that he phoned me and sang to me on my birthday (on my voice mail). I did not actually talk to him but sent him and email because he was working up north in the oil camp at the time; we usually only talk when he's off from work on msn messanger.
a4a Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Well it could be that is all that is available on a oil camp or in that area? Hey at least you got something for your birthday.........
vampress1 Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 #2 pencils... I love it!! I thought paperweight originally, but I really like the randomness of #2 pencils!!
AriaIncognito Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 A little story for you... With my ex, for his birthday in January (we'd been dating like 3 months) I took him to his first broadway show and out to dinner. Needless to say it was a couple hundred dollars. Now, I wasn't looking to recoup my money, however, I'd hoped that the sentiment would be returned. I mean, i knew how excited he'd be to see his first broadway show, and how memorable it would be. Fast forward 4 months to my birthday. He bought me a coca cola clock and a coca cola phone. Now, while some might think that's a fine gift, I dont know, it felt like a cop out. Everyone knows I love coca cola (to drink - i dont collect their stuff). I just felt like it was a quick out for a gift instead of thinking. It never sat right with me. We ended up breaking up around our 1 year anniversary. lol Jennifer
Art_Critic Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 One birthday when I was younger I gave my brother a pad of paper for his birthday I did it to be mean
whichwayisup Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Do you believe he 'intentially' gave you a s***ty gift? Do you think he did it to upset you or piss you off? If so, DUMP HIM. I personally believe you 'assumed' you'd be getting something 'special' with TLC all over it. So, you were letdown, it wasn't what you thought it was. I think it was cute what he got you! The fact he spent time thinking of something kind of cool to send ya, in the mail and he even CALLED you on your bday is just as good. What counts is the rest of the times you two are together and how he is with you. How you guys feel about eachother. Just enjoy the fact he took the special time to actually send you something by snailmail!!!
Brittanyjean06 Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Maybe he just rushed in to buying you a gift! I'm sorry but it is the thought that counts, and I guess there really much thought behind your gifts was there? nope I don't think so.. But he did buy you a new chevy truck! now that is a nice bf on the other hand:)
Tim'sAngel Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 This prolly sounds like I'm sticking up for him, but some men are seriously just clueless. Luckily I was blessed with a b/f who has very good expensive taste, but he is clueless in other areas to make up for it Maybe its because I hint forever and ever about something to make sure he knows exactly what I want. That is the key
Vega Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I think its sweet that he called and sang to you! Some people just aren't good at gift-giving. If he works in a oil field camp maybe he couldn't get anywhere to get you something else, or maybe he was stressed over trying to decide and got frustrated and just bought you something. Maybe the symbolism behind the gift means something to him and he's thinking it will mean the same to you?
whichwayisup Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 But he did buy you a new chevy truck! now that is a nice bf on the other hand:) Unless I'm missing something, I didn't see where he bought her a chevy truck. My bf has a really good job in fact he just bought a brand new chevy truck Sorry, maybe that read wrong, but I think he bought himself a chevy. Not one for her. I was really hoping it would be jewellry. I always put so much thought into HIS birthday gifts too. The thing is, (some) men are not great gift givers. They'd rather YOU tell them what to buy. My hubby finally has learned what I like, but he always asks because he doesn't want to disappoint me. I think your boyfriend didn't know what to get you and also, the fact he is a guy! Remember that! And don't feel bad that you spent more on him than him on you...I'm sure he's taken you out alot of times, dinner, movies etc., too. I'll throw this in, don't stop giving him nice gifts. DO it because you want to, not because you're expecting him to spend the same amount on you. Do it because you FEEL good giving him something nice. Sometimes birthdays are not a big thing to some, so you have to take that into consideration. Lower your expectations so you won't be disappointed. How long have you two been together?
RecordProducer Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 It looked like he spent a whopping 5 bucks on the whole gift. My bf has a really good job in fact he just bought a brand new chevy truck. Well that's why he can afford to buy expensive toys for himself - cuz he saves on others. It's called "cheap." You can discuss it with him, but you can't really change him. It pays to talk about it though. I had a Bf who asked me what I wanted for my birthday (first in our relationship) and I said Britney's CD. He bought me a god damn Britney's $14.99 CD and mailed it to me. (He had a good job too, btw!) However later I spilled it all out to him together with the compalints about his cheapness and he made it up for me without me expecting anything. In any case, for me it's not the thought - it's the sacrifice you make for someone. My husband is not a big spender when it comes to holidays, but he has spent a lot of money on me with no particular reason, except for the fact that I needed or wanted something. Does he normally buy you valuable things? How long have you been together?
MadDog Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 You've forced me to do it. I have to give the same advice again: Don't try to change the one you're with--if you're not happy with them, find someone else. For your situation, your boyfriend is either cheap, not very thoughtful, unromantic, or all of the above. If those things bother you, find someone else instead of trying to get him to change. If it doesn't bother you, which is obviously not the case because you wouldn't be here, then keep with it.
RecordProducer Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 your boyfriend is either cheap, not very thoughtful, unromantic, or all of the above. If those things bother you, find someone else instead of trying to get him to change. .Why is the "Ditch him!" advice most prevalent on Loveshack?
MadDog Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Why is the "Ditch him!" advice most prevalent on Loveshack? I've thought about this too. I've concluded the LS population is enriched for people that are in mediocre to bad relationships. They are on here seeking advice but in a vast majority of cases, the best thing for those people is to find someone else who can make them happier. It's hard though. Emotions get involved, memories are made, and it becomes very difficult to remain objective. I admit that even I, one of the more logic-driven personalities you'll meet, have fallen prey to the same trap.
RecordProducer Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I've thought about this too. I've concluded the LS population is enriched for people that are in mediocre to bad relationships. They are on here seeking advice but in a vast majority of cases, the best thing for those people is to find someone else who can make them happier. It's hard though. Emotions get involved, memories are made, and it becomes very difficult to remain objective. I admit that even I, one of the more logic-driven personalities you'll meet, have fallen prey to the same trap.You made a good point, but none of us is perfect and we all need to carry a skunk in our arms and a sign on our backs saying: "Get away from me - I am f***ed up!" People need to work on problems and only if one of the parties is really mean or there is no love and understanding, they should split. But that's just my opinion. Relationships are complicated and ALWAYS involve effort and compromises. The only perfect relationships are those you know nothing about.
MadDog Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 You made a good point, but none of us is perfect and we all need to carry a skunk in our arms and a sign on our backs saying: "Get away from me - I am f***ed up!" People need to work on problems and only if one of the parties is really mean or there is no love and understanding, they should split. But that's just my opinion. Relationships are complicated and ALWAYS involve effort and compromises. The only perfect relationships are those you know nothing about. It seems we belong to opposing schools of thought which is totally fine. You belong to the, "all relationships take work and as long as both people care, they can work it out" train of thought. I belong to the, "Find someone who's perfect FOR YOU (not necessarily a perfect person) and it'll require minimal effort with maximal fun" train of thought. I guess I figure there's a girl out there who has all the major bases covered as far as what I look for in a girlfriend. Independent, thoughtful, appreciative, intelligent, funny, etc. Sure, the girl who's perfect for me might be 1 in 10,000 but if I can find that girl, I'll be pretty happy because everything about her fits what I look for and the stuff that isn't perfect about her, I won't find a big deal. It's kind of like looking for a certain type of car. Let's say you're looking for an SUV because that's the type of car that would be perfect for you. Instead you get stuck with a hatchback, a sedan, a sports car, etc. No matter what, it's just not going to cut it until you get that SUV.
RecordProducer Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 It seems we belong to opposing schools of thought which is totally fine. You belong to the, "all relationships take work and as long as both people care, they can work it out" train of thought. I belong to the, "Find someone who's perfect FOR YOU (not necessarily a perfect person) and it'll require minimal effort with maximal fun" train of thought. I guess I figure there's a girl out there who has all the major bases covered as far as what I look for in a girlfriend. Independent, thoughtful, appreciative, intelligent, funny, etc. Sure, the girl who's perfect for me might be 1 in 10,000 but if I can find that girl, I'll be pretty happy because everything about her fits what I look for and the stuff that isn't perfect about her, I won't find a big deal. It's kind of like looking for a certain type of car. Let's say you're looking for an SUV because that's the type of car that would be perfect for you. Instead you get stuck with a hatchback, a sedan, a sports car, etc. No matter what, it's just not going to cut it until you get that SUV.Oh, I absolutely agree with you that you should find someone who is great for you. No way I'd say that love is enough. Love dies if people are not right for each other. I just think that once you find the right person, don't expect that everything will be perfect at all times. Things will get hard and very hard sometimes too. But you need to work on removing the obstacles and finding the best solution. If you run at the first disappointment, you'll never build anything solid with anyone. Same for relationships with parents or children. Nothing is ever perfect. But we choose the closest to perfection (for us) person and work on our relationships together. Sometimes we just need to put up with some s*** for the sake of the big picture that's much brighter. This is a hard lesson to learn... for me also.
MadDog Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I just think that once you find the right person, don't expect that everything will be perfect at all times. Things will get hard and very hard sometimes too. But you need to work on removing the obstacles and finding the best solution. If you run at the first disappointment, you'll never build anything solid with anyone. Same for relationships with parents or children. Nothing is ever perfect. But we choose the closest to perfection (for us) person and work on our relationships together. Sometimes we just need to put up with some s*** for the sake of the big picture that's much brighter. This is a hard lesson to learn... for me also. Yes, you're right. Even if you're with your perfect match, things won't be perfect all the time. There will be occasional misunderstandings and arguments, disappointments and mistakes made. But I think the fundamental thing that shouldn't happen is you shouldn't be unhappy with the type of person your SO is. There's a difference between feeling badly because your SO made a mistake vs feeling badly because he/she has a certain type of personality. Mistakes are kind of random and don't involve a particular pattern. Personality issues reccur and are of the same type. I say, if you're not happy with your SO's personality, just find someone else.
Vertex Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Incompatible personality traits and values are the worst. I think the main goal is to find someone with as many compatible traits as you can... then random problems are much easier to deal with.
RecordProducer Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 There's a difference between feeling badly because your SO made a mistake vs feeling badly because he/she has a certain type of personality. Mistakes are kind of random and don't involve a particular pattern. Personality issues reccur and are of the same type. I say, if you're not happy with your SO's personality, just find someone else.Very well put!
MadDog Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Incompatible personality traits and values are the worst. I think the main goal is to find someone with as many compatible traits as you can... then random problems are much easier to deal with. That's what's crazy. I think I could get along with so many different personality types because I'm such a chill guy. As long as the girl is independent, intelligent, responsible, and mature that's like 90% of my requirements right there. Unfortunately, a vast majority of the girls I've run into are immature and irresponsible. And it's not like all the girls I date are super young. Some of them are in their mid 20's and they act like they're still 21. Oh well. I guess asking for a hot chick who's in her early to mid 20's who's also ready for a serious relationship is kind of asking for a contradiction. I'll just have fun with the young hotties I suppose.
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