tripledigit Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 the green eyed monster has infected me. I had a pretty close friend from high school. A few years ago, we both started going out with our current respective partners, at about the same time. We double dated, and listened to each other's relationship issues. She's now married, and I am engaged to be married at the end of the year. In high school, I've always had better marks than her, and been told I'm prettier than her etc. Not that I'm comparing or bragging, it's just one of the things where I've kind of grown up not thinking of her as a threat or being envious/jealous of her in any way. But since she's been engaged, now married, I am kind of jealous of what she has. She is building a big new house to live in with her husband. whereas me, I think I have a lot of issues still to sort out. You see, I am living with my parents, bought a house and paying for it (but doesn't feel like my house), and because of parents getting old and being financially poor (gambling issues in the past), I feel like I have to support them for life. I can't exactly ask them to move out of my house knowing that they can't really financially suport themselves. I've looked at options to move out etc, but having two houses to pay for would just be too financially stressful. I am just so envious of my friend who is now married and having an independent life with her husband. I feel like it's so unfair because it's not like me and my fiance can't have the same life, but because of my family circumstances which were beyond my control, I am placed in an undesirable and (seemingly) unresolvable situation. Of course, taht situation is a separate issue in itself and that is why I am so stressed leading up to our marriage, because I am finding myself trapped. Of course, this has nothing to do with my friend, but everytime I see her I feel so envious/jealous. Especially as it is someone I have grown up with, we have the same background, etc etc, why has she got these things that I don't have? Then I feel very ashamed to feel these things and it is marring my ability to feel happiness for her. I tell myself to stop being so selfish and I think eventually I will be ok, but I hate this side of me, it makes me think that maybe I am just a horrible person. But feelings are just so hard to control...anyone has any idea how I can stop feeling this way?
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