2020vision Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 To catch everyone up to speed quickly:Two weeks ago my ex repeatedley emailed me and called me telling me he needs to see me and misses me blah blah blah... Well, a little over a week ago I get a call from him saying his gf found the emails he sent me and left him.. Well, guess what? She is back, I saw them in the car together last weekend. Yes, unfortunatley we live in the same neighborhood where I am subjected to having to see things like that. And I have no clue how he talked himself out of that one... So, I cannot help but have this overwhelming feeling to catch his gf up to speed...I know what her myspace account is so I could easily send her a message or tell my friend who knows her to let her in on how much of a sleez bag her bf is. I know this all sounds so immature, and I do not owe her anything but I swear it would feel so good...Should I do this? I just want him to get caught so bad and have his little messed up world that he lives in turned upsidedown...I hate him for messing with my mind like he does. Its like he doesn't even know I am a human being with feelings. Thanks in advance for your advice. -2020
Numbheart Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Ha I feel your anguish! I swear it would feel so good...Should I do this? What you "SHOULD" do is try and be the bigger person and not be reduced to his level, but just sometimes, real stupid kids stuff can make us feel better within ourselves
bendit Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 This guy is a user. But you have been "enabling" his bad behavior by accepting contact. He simply dragged you into his DRAMA. That's all he really is seeking because he has another woman in his hip pocket already. So why not mess with you some since you are so accepting of his drama making? It stops precisely when you want it to stop. They disappear when they are being ignored. In that sense they are like children. They take their ball and go elsewhere to a place that is accepting of their drama. Do you want the drama to end? You can do it if you really truly want to. Most here aren't ready to. Oh I am an advocate of 100% Unadulterated no contact. I know that's unpopular and NO FUN at all; but that means forget about the revenge drama. She is going to think you are the crazy ex who can't seem to let Mr. Wonderful go. regards
Author 2020vision Posted May 15, 2006 Author Posted May 15, 2006 I have initiated NC several times and each time its broken he pulls a new trick out of his sleeve (i.e. calling from blocked IDs and random numbers, showing up at my place out of the blue) However, I have changed my number because I do agree that he is a big drama king and this way it no longer brings me into it. But, I would just love to see her leave him for good and see his little bubble burst...Maybe this is just a phase.
riobikini Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 re: Bendit: " accepting of his drama making?......It stops precisely when you want it to stop. " Amen, Sweet Jeezus, Amen! Enough truth there to open the eyes of the blind, -but often, it's the raising of the dead that's being hoped for. Keep focused on 'NC', 2020. -Rio
Author 2020vision Posted May 15, 2006 Author Posted May 15, 2006 Thanks for the encouraging words... By doing this I am still in contact with him, on some level. The drama will only continue if I go down this path. I just need to fade away, away from him.
In Sync Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Thanks for the encouraging words... By doing this I am still in contact with him, on some level. The drama will only continue if I go down this path. I just need to fade away, away from him. If I said to you there's a million dollars in for you to cut ties from this guy FOREVER...not a peep, not an e-mail, a call...zip! You'd find a way in less than five minutes to get rid of him from your life. (OK...Substitute whatever your ideal dream of a lifetime is for you.) We'd ALL do it because there's a payoff that each of us truly want...so why don't use any excuse... And as you said in another post to me, you don't share kids so you absolutely have no reason to be caught in his drama. Revenge is a waste of your prescious energy. And if this guy were wiped out of your life you would have no reason to contemplate negative thoughts that only knaw at your soul.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I know I wished I'd had been given an early warning. If you do it, don't do as revenge on the ex, but as an act of kindness to a fellow woman and one of his potential victims.
silentcharon Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 No! What, do you want her to dump him and have him call you? If your answer is no, don't do it.
Author 2020vision Posted May 16, 2006 Author Posted May 16, 2006 Thank you everyone for getting me out of a dark place. It is really not like me to behave like this. He brings out the worst in me, yet another reason to not even think about this guy. I am just at a weird spot in my life right now. A transition point I guess you could say. I have NEVER cut off all contact like this, and to be quite honest it is scary. A good kind of scary, but still weird. If there has been one thing I could always garauntee it would be that he would call me, broken up or whatever. I am very proud of myself for changing my number, yet still it hurts. I almost went down to sprint last night and had them change my number back, thats how crazy I am going right now....I have calmed down, as my emotions tend to run high in the evenings. But the reality is, I have finally closed the door on all communication and my heart needs to catch up. He will never be the person I want to be with again, and that hurts like hell. -2020
bendit Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 This guy will continue to bother you imo. He is not used to you being this way and that may trigger his abandonment issues. I would block his emails and or change your email address. If he comes to your house uninvited, I would tell him he has 60 seconds to leave before you call the police. If he knocks on your door, LOCK it and then pretend you aren't home. The only message these types understand is ignore. Sure its hard to do all this. But you seem intent on getting through this as quickly as possible. If you take these steps, you are virtually assured of this. Best of luck. regards
Author 2020vision Posted May 16, 2006 Author Posted May 16, 2006 thx- I believe so, he still speaks with his ex girlfriend of 4 years! I cannot believe that either of them would still like to talk to eachother, but she is stupid enough to play into his games, thats her problem. But after six months of the breakup and his past actions, I am pretty sure he will never stop trying to contact me. Its too much of a thrill for him and I fall hook, line and sinker every time. Well, he does not have a chance anymore because I do not want to live like that. Why did I leave him if I am still going through all his drama?? Might as well still be with him if I still play into his games! It just gets old, ya know? At least for me it does. It just turns sappy and cheesy him saying "I love you and miss you so much you are all I think about" it makes me think ewwww Its the same crap different day everytime he gets in contact with me; I am shocked at what he is saying so I go along with it everytime, then I snap back into reality and get pissed at myself for still having feelings for him. I always end up feeling like I am in a bad sitcom re run. I just have to keep in mind at all times that everything that he says to me is not sincere, he is just doing it for his benefit. I honestly appreciate everyone's great advice here. Obviously stops me from doing really stupid things!
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