LoveInferma Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 i posted this and got no response. is this that elementary that i should just let the other one go? so i'm a newleywed of a few months. it was a rushed decision which began as an agreement between 2 good friends for purely beneficial purposes and somehow turned into the real deal. since he has to be gone for long periods of time (months to years) for his work, we have agreed to have an open marriage for physical purposes. that being said, i couldn't take the lack of physical connection with someone so i began exploring. started with a few partners and slowly dwindled down to one main person. we met through mutual friends and had the sole intention of keeping it physical. which i have had no problem in the past doing. i'm not a typical woman in the sense that i get easily emotionally attached when it comes to sex. but this one turned out different. somewhere along the lines i fell in love. my husband and i constantly discuss our situation and wonder if remaining best friends is better than staying married. i've never had a love like i have with him. i've been in 2 serious relationships before him of which he's seen every detail as i have with him, and i've never reached the level of pure love that i have with him. since my husband is unsure of where HIS life will end up, whether it be abroad or with me, i feel like i'm stuck. i'm so confused. my partner hasn't been the most honest and forthcoming, which is completely understanding knowing my situation. i don't know if i need to make a decision to continue with my partner with whom i haven't had strong feelings like this in a long time, and see where these feelings take me or wait for my husband to decide if i fit in his life as his wife and not just his best friend.
typical Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 it was a rushed decision which began as an agreement between 2 good friends for purely beneficial purposes Please expound. Are you saying that your marriage was a matter of business or was it convenience?? and somehow turned into the real deal. How so? Meaning you both consumated the "transaction"? (I am just not sure what to call your marriage as of now) Or did you both decide you were in love with each other? since my husband is unsure of where HIS life will end up, whether it be abroad or with me, i feel like i'm stuck. If you are married, it becomes not just HIS life, it becomes YOUR life as well. Is there a reason why you are not permitted to be a part of his life, should he be abroad? Is it a matter of necessity, or desire, that he might end up abroad? i'm so confused. my partner hasn't been the most honest and forthcoming In what ways? Regarding your relationship? Or something else?
Guest Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 Please expound. Are you saying that your marriage was a matter of business or was it convenience?? The marriage was business to begin with, but our feelings came out from the rush of things i guess and both decided to actually continue our marriage and not just for a period of time like was originally discussed. I know on my end I'm not in love with him nor I think could I fall to be IN love with him. I just love him more than I've ever loved anyone else in my entire life. It's hard to explain to people who don't know us, but I've reached a level of trust and acceptance that I'd be surprised if I was able to reach with anyone else. If you are married, it becomes not just HIS life, it becomes YOUR life as well. Is there a reason why you are not permitted to be a part of his life, should he be abroad? Is it a matter of necessity, or desire, that he might end up abroad? I know it does. And when I ask him about when he's coming home and what his plans are...he doesn't seem to include me or simply says " I don't know." All that does is confuse me more. I know both of us are still getting used to the idea of marriage especially since we are going to be a part of an extended period of time. And he's abroad for all of the above...necessity and desire. For his job. And it's something that if it's indefinitely abroad, i won't be able to go. The more i talk about this the worse i feel for agreeing to this. In what ways? Regarding your relationship? Or something else? Well, he knows about my husband and the situation I'm in and he decided to continue seeing me. However, I had NO INTENTION of falling in love with him. I'm not seeing anyone other than him and I know that's not the case with him. Well, there are little things that point in that direction but nothing concrete as catching him in the act. And it hurts me that he's so dishonest with me when I've been nothing but honest with him. Even more so these past few weeks. Feels like he keeps holding the "you're married" card over my head. But like the cliche goes...i love him. My heart hurts without him. UGH. i'm an awful person.
Author LoveInferma Posted May 25, 2006 Author Posted May 25, 2006 typical... the more i read your questions, the more i realize what a mess i've gotten myself into. even more so recently when my boyfriend, if that's what you wanna call him, has been acting so strange. its my own fault. i just feel terrible that i'm in love with him and don't feel that back from him. anyhow, thanks for your response.
jonesgirly Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Is there an issue with your divorcing him and remaining here? I don't understand why you're still married.
Solachica Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Why you two still together? Are the beneficial purposes still the holding factor?
Author LoveInferma Posted May 30, 2006 Author Posted May 30, 2006 i'm still married to him because i love him...and am scared of walking away from something that could potentially be...i don't quite know...there's just something holding me here. the benefits do help but i don't care about that anymore. my brain and emotions i feel are like at war. since the day we got married i've been alone so i don't know how it is to be married. i'm scared when he does physically come back to me...he won't want to stay with me. which is why i think i still put up with the boyfriend's bulls***. but lately, that's just dissolving on it's own. the trust issues i can't deal with anymore. i expel way too much energy on him...is he cheating when i'm not with him? who's he talking to? is he telling me the truth? i'm going crazy. but it's my own fault for opening this mess up. and i see it but can't quite walk away. why am i like this? if i were the one reading this i'd be telling the woman to walk...RUN away, but since i'm in it i can't see beyond this minute. can't see beyond the hurt of being alone and not feeling wanted.
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