Gemini1975 Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 So we all went away last weekend (my husband and the OM) and things remained ok. It was difficult I must admit to go away with my husband and the OM who I have feelings for. I did well with supressing my feelings but it was a challenge. (Just to fill you guys in about two months ago the other man and I shared a kiss - one kiss. I have had crush like feelings for him for years. We have been friends since we were little. We talked about it realized that it was wrong and promised each other not to act on it again and never told our significant others) I felt bad for the OM because I saw him looking at me a few times with hurt in his eyes when my husband and I were kissing or holding hands. He has not come out and admitted that he has feelings for me he has said he is attracted to me but im pretty sure he likes me more then he lets on. There were a couple of times where he was kind of snitty with my hubby too. I think he was a little jealous. The OM is not big on discussing his feelings but I feel bad that it has come to this. I don't want to hurt him but I can't be with him either. The only problem for me is that I know that I will not act on this again with him but my feelings for him are so strong its ridiculous. He gives me butterflies - its awful. Im confused - hurt - and yes I've been going to councilling like everyone suggests but its still difficult to handle. Its like I couldn't wait to say good by to him for the weekend so I could have a good reason to give him a hug. Its pathetic. I don't want to have sex with him and I don't want to make out with him. But I want to see him, hug him, text him, phone him. AHAHAHA I Can't explaine ...
whichwayisup Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 You really have to try your best to emotionally detach from the OM. Honestly, reading your post made me wonder...You're too concerned for the OM's feelings, rather than your own husband's feelings...I could be way off and wrong here, I don't know. You're looking for ways to be affectionate with him, even though you're going to counselling and trying to fix things at home, and rid of feelings for the OM. Well, for starters, when thoughts come into your head about him, TAKE CONTROL and MAKE yourself STOP thinking of him! If you don't try to change your thinking habits, nothing will change. You can't be thinking or lusting after the OM, when you're trying to concentrate on the marriage and your husband. Dividing your focus won't work, so please, stop fantasizing about the OM...If you don't, there isn't any point in trying to get over him...
movinon05 Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 WWIU is right. You should also go back to reading your original post and responses. Try to remember how devastated your husband was!! Do you really want to hurt him like that again or worse?? Look at everything that could be destroyed!!
Jessie61 Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Gemini, I "strayed" into the infidelity section and posted there.... I didn't realise you were also on my turf!
zarathustra Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 So we all went away last weekend (my husband and the OM) and things remained ok. It was difficult I must admit to go away with my husband and the OM who I have feelings for. I did well with supressing my feelings but it was a challenge. (Just to fill you guys in about two months ago the other man and I shared a kiss - one kiss. I have had crush like feelings for him for years. We have been friends since we were little. We talked about it realized that it was wrong and promised each other not to act on it again and never told our significant others) I felt bad for the OM because I saw him looking at me a few times with hurt in his eyes when my husband and I were kissing or holding hands. He has not come out and admitted that he has feelings for me he has said he is attracted to me but im pretty sure he likes me more then he lets on. There were a couple of times where he was kind of snitty with my hubby too. I think he was a little jealous. The OM is not big on discussing his feelings but I feel bad that it has come to this. I don't want to hurt him but I can't be with him either. The only problem for me is that I know that I will not act on this again with him but my feelings for him are so strong its ridiculous. He gives me butterflies - its awful. Im confused - hurt - and yes I've been going to councilling like everyone suggests but its still difficult to handle. Its like I couldn't wait to say good by to him for the weekend so I could have a good reason to give him a hug. Its pathetic. I don't want to have sex with him and I don't want to make out with him. But I want to see him, hug him, text him, phone him. AHAHAHA I Can't explaine ... I know how you feel. Its really weird... this feeling of conflict. I don't ever want to be in your shoes though. I think the one thing that you have to keep asking yourself is how important your marriage is to you. As a MW who is trying to put her M back together and working with the xMM, I have to say that is something that I ask myself all the time and it helps me direct my focus onto the choice I made. I cannot say that my choice is the final choice, but its the choice I made for now and am committed to it. When I find that I am unable to subscribe to that commitment any longer, I know that it would be unfair for my H for me to continue to live a farce with him. I know that in my post, I talk mainly about my xMM. yeah, he still affects me. I hate to admit it, but he does. I cannot say (like fish) that I don't think about him at all. I do wonder if he is OK and wonder if he is truly happy. But I have a suspicion that fish and my xMM are more similar even though my xMM tells me he wants to be good/nice to me. That he is genuine when he says that. I don't think that my xMM realizes that each time he says s*** like that, all he does is rip my heart out. I also don't think my H would appreciate that there is someone out there who can affect me. So in all fairness, I have to work on NOT being affected by this man anymore as I too have made a choice. I made the choice to be with someone who has shown to me that the loves me more than most things in life. I have made a choice to love him in a similar manner. I have made the choice that should my 'single' and my xMM be 'single' that he will not have a second chance with me as he had the ability to devalue me by using me (thanks fish for that perspective despite my feeling ill reading about how you feel about the OW). Gemini, I don't know the answers, but as a married woman who has made a choice, I can only share with you my feelings and thoughts on the matter and let you know that it suck to have all these internal conflicts and feelings of guilt. I can only tell you what I do to find my focus again and hope that when I start losing mine, that you all will be there to help me remember my choices and my resolve.
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