sirjay Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 We were together for 3 years, now have been broken up for a couple of months but been in contact too often. We both discovered that we were intensely in love with each other on breaking up, and she wants to remain "best friends" but see other people. I have never tried to do this and the thought of her being with someone else hurts me horribly right now, let alone seeing her with someone. She has suggested that we do 3 months NC and then try being friends. Based on the above, is this way too soon. Is it a bad idea? I am now friends with an ex for the first time but the NC was 7 years and we weren't really in love when we parted ways anyway. I wonder if I will know in 3 months time if I am far enough from her emotionally to try doing that? I am worried that I might feel its ok but then fall for her again when I see her and end up where I am right now, in terrible pain. There is a lot about our relationship that we both really value that could be part of a friendship but I don't want to make a mistake and get hurt again. Advice please!
Alexandra Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 I am now friends with an ex for the first time but the NC was 7 years and we weren't really in love when we parted ways anyway. I find that as a rule, the only post-love-mortem friendships that work are those of people who didn't have such a deep connection when they were together and who have been in no contact for long periods of time after the break up. It's almost a clean slate. You sound very level headed and raise some very valid concerns. It does sound like your gutt instinct is agreeing with your rational thoughts on the matter too so you have your answer really.
Author sirjay Posted May 15, 2006 Author Posted May 15, 2006 Thanks I would never have thought of trying that but she seems adamant that its possible. She is friends with some of her exes including the guy she lived with for 7 years but it sounded to me like they weren't that in love anyway when they parted. Certainly, we have had a very emotional time together and things are still very raw. She told me that she was much more hurt by breaking up with me than she was with that ex... I know I am still in a lot of pain and when i saw her a couple of weeks ago, she was still very confused and hurt, reaching out to me then pulling away etc. I wonder if it is more about her not wanting to let go and the "friendship" thing is just a crutch? I don't know. It just seems like such a waste. I had thought that she wanted to keep me around and maybe get back together at a later date but she says she doesn't and i am tired of being left hanging so i broke it off myself to give myself some closure. Nevertheless, there is still a small voice that pops up telling me "maybe". I don't want to hear it! She has denied me my healing with her actions, indecision and mixed messages. The thing is, we will have to be around each other to some extent, in a work context temporarily for example. I am not sure how i should deal with her when i see her: i dont want to be cold and unpleasant. What do people think?
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