PeanutHead88 Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 First loves are pretty painful because they are your first real experiences with hearbreak( unless with something else). It's really hard to ever think you can have feelings for someone else again, because all you can feel right now is how much you miss them, and can't think about anyone else. I fear the unknown, I fear always loving your firstloves or always pinning over them. It's been 8 months, and I am not surprised that I really do feel the pain alot. I woulden't be surprised if it took 3 years to get over this person considering how in love I was. Can I fall head over heals for someone else, maybe when I am older and matture and ready for a real relationship? Is it posible? I know time is key, ALOT of time Now for the advice any one want to share their stories of getting over their first loves? and how long, I won't be surprised to see people say" you never really do get over your first loves" because thats what most say, but than How can you really fall in love again?
visotech Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Its been 5 weeks since my first love (my first everything) and I broke up. I know what you mean, I feel like its impossible to get over. I thought I was doing well, but today I realized she was moving on enough to have intrest in other guys...this just killed me today. I feel like I can't love again, and that I can't let her go. I'm scared of the uncertainity of the future, I miss the stability of a relationship, I miss knowing someone so well, I miss my other half. I want to fall in love again, but I just don't know when I will be able to...
MTK Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Let's see here, this all happened in mid March, 1 day after my 21st B-day (and no, I didn't get drunk and we had a fight that night over her hanging out with her friends instead of me). She dumped me, came back hours later and we got back together. A week later, and of separation, we come back to school. She dumps me. The next day, she eats breakfest with me and plays everything cool, even blows me a kiss while when she goes back to work. 2 Days Later: New boyfriend (even started spending nights over in his room and making out with him) We dated for 3 years, plus about 8 months of being best friends (secret admirers- we were young ) We were first everything for each other, and I never thought I would be with anyone else, and I even planned to marry her from the moment I first saw her (scary thoughts I'm sure to the older folks on the boards when a "young" person mentions the M word). It sucks; believe me. You're going through it. Countless other people have gone through it. Will she come back? I don't know. Not to the "same" MTK, that's for sure. Change yourself up some. Make yourself better. I literally have hundreds of emails, and have probably spent two hours everyday talking to her doing a LDR at times. Think of that as time that you now have to concentrate on school, sports, hobbies, friends, partying/hanging out. Yes, it hurts to be kicked in the balls like that. Even if you have to make face, do it. Show that you can get hurt, and still stand back up. Ever see those Dwayne Wade commercials? Get knocked down 8 times, stand up 9. It's like this, she may be getting the fast times and excitement that a "nice guy" couldn't give her. But do you think she will want to settle down with an @$$hole? Two things can happen; 1) Pick yourself up and make yourself into one hell of a great person. 2) You (and I for that matter) can skulk in the corner and no one will want you. As they say in The Wedding Crashers, "Skulking in the corner brings negative attention to yourself. Bring attention to yourself but on your own terms." Yep, you and I just got to show them what they are missing. I got dumped, and she dragged it out. She put the freaking NC on me, broke it 3 times before I had to put the NC on her. Heck, she even broke it then. We both have time to meet other people. You may not date the other person again. I'm even coming to this realization slowly. You can't force someone to come back and love you, this isn't Medevil Europe and arranged marriages. You just got to show them that you're better than before; pick yourself up, dust off, and go out and have some fun. You'll probably meet someone just as good, better, or at least to keep your mind off the ex until you're over her. I don't think this answered your question, but you will get over her, so will I, and when that happens, you'll be able to do anything.
fraidycat Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Well, I don't know that I agree you don't ever "get over" your first love. I think you always love them though. My first love was in a bad car accident, then a coma, then had amnesia for 4 months, I stuck by his side through it all and shortly after the coma it came out he was cheating on me..in fact had been since nearly the start of our relationship together. It was so painful I threw up and was miserable for months. Now here we are 6 years later, even after what he did to me I don't recall him with a bad taste in my mouth. I wish him well and only the best in his life and I hope for his sake he's grown up before he blows it with someone really special. Then there was the second love..he got heavy into drugs and drinking after moving to a big city..kind of mutually our interest in eachother faded in the romance context after two years, he's now a father and living with someone else. Again I have nothing but fondness for him. The third love took me about 2 years to get over, but I did and during that time I stayed single, did lots of self seeking and lots of growing up. It was really great to be single and gain so much independance and learn so much about myself. I'd met a few guys that I causually seen, really cool! Just nothing that caught my interest for long term. Finally after over 3 years I opened my heart and loved someone as deeply as I had any of one of my other former loves. It was great and wonderful and magical and disney land, all up until the point when I realized he was playing me for a fool, and I had invested time, money, energy, and my heart into someone who didn't really exist. It just as easily though could of gone the other way and that's the breaks. I cried today, wrote and got it out..and now I feel much better about the situation because isntead of blaming myself , or being hesitant to cry and grieve over the loss of some great relationship (it was all just an elaborate lie) I was able to look at it for what it was. I was played. I was tricked, I was fooled. That hurt, but it wasn't some great wonderful guy I was losing and he had no respect or appreciation for me. I am able to actually SEE that. Inatead of sitting in dopey denial. One day I will fall in love and it will be real and lasting. It matters not that i've had bad experiences, heartbreaches, or past loves. It won't matter for you either, the reality is it always feel like a small pond (love) and the man/woman seems like the big fish in that small pond, reality check? Love is an ocean! There are big fish, little fish, and sneakers along the way.
dgiirl Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Can I fall head over heals for someone else, maybe when I am older and matture and ready for a real relationship? Is it posible? I know time is key, ALOT of time Time alone will not heal your broken heart. Time AND actively making an effort to move on will heal your broken heart. My uncle got divorced over 20 years ago. He's STILL not over it. He remained bitter and never moved on. When he heard about my divorce, he had sympathy towards me, but I could tell in his voice he was still bitter over it. He's never forgiven her or himself and I made a promise to myself that I'll never become like that. I have compassion for him, but this was his choice to remain like that. In 20 years he should have been able to let the past go. So time alone will not heal your broken heart. Time and determination to move on will.
Author PeanutHead88 Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 Btw I am a girl haha I guess 9 months isn't really enough time to get over someone, and I kind of new that deep down inside but It's not any helpful that I get private calls once a week and hangsup all the time, they put false thoughts in my head and uncertainy of who it may be. NOT GOOD My ex never respected me, in fact he treated me like pure CRAP and I went through hell for that kid...I'm hoping I can realise that when the emotions overwhelm me and take over
chocolate_boy Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 As I've said before, I don't really believe that first loves are the hardest to get over. Sure some people feel that way as its the first time they have gone through it, but also since you have never felt the pain of losing a second, third or fourth love, I don't get how you can say first loves are the hardest. Took me a few months to get over my first girlfriend and yeah it sucked, but took me a lot longer to get over my ex fiance (who was my third girlfriend and second "love", not sure I really did love my second gf in hindsight, thought I did at the time though). I think it's the person you're more emotionally involved with who is the hardest to get over, not necessarily their chronological order. Take it from someone who has been through it, chances are unless the ex and first love was the "love of you life", chances are your first will not be the most painful.. Sadly break-ups never get easier, trust me on this.
Author PeanutHead88 Posted May 18, 2006 Author Posted May 18, 2006 I'm just used to everyone saying first loves are the hardest to get over, and since I haven't had a second love All I can see is this, the pain I'm feeling. I really coulden't imagine a heart ache worse( another bf) than this I guess I need to give it ALOT more time, it could be worse
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