experienced Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 wish i had known better then to waste almost 5 years wish i would have listened to that little doubting voice inside wish in september when he had to be out that i was "done for good"id have known that he didnt leave cause of me it was because W had found out about another OW not me and kicked him out. wished he would heave been honest wished i didnt continue to talk to him ( i stopped sleeping wh him in sept after he went back to W)after he went back then i find out from him in march W is "giving him hell"because she suspects a girl from the gym "nothings going on she follows me around. then from a friend of his i recently met i find out he slept wh girl from gym . i confront him he states he was "personal "but did not sleep wh her . i tell him i am done for good ,he comes over we talk i say i believe him but i am once again done til he leaves W. then i find out he has another OW i call his cell leave him a message that i am calling W . he calls me psyco i told him not the case you screwed me wasted my time im going to screw you, so he calls we talk for 6 hours thats how i find out when he left W she kiked him out yes he slept wh girl at gym yes he has someone new . do you love her i ask? no just convient ,i wasnt giving him sex he blames me !!! i wasnt sleeping with him because he kept saying he was leaving and wasnt . told him he had a hand & a wife work it out . yet these others shuldnt even call OW they knew he has a W & a girlfriend,yet slept with him. said he had intention to leave for me yet changed he doesnt care anymore about anything but getting p**** he tried to see me told him no asked a million questions about who he is with now he hardly knows her shes just there when he needs her a$$,nothing like we had but the F***ed up thing !? he had no reason to lie thats what makes me upset ,i wasted my time yet hes honest now i had to scare the heck out of him for answers!! more to this ladys!! i am soooo upset dont want him now told him that i am done for good he disgusts me ,i wasted my time & was so unaware . i want to spite him sooo bad not going to tell wife as she knows about female from august . im just so hurt he couldnt have been honest . but you OW wasting your time STOP it is not worth it !!! now i am so lost sad mad he said he didnt think i would find out about others he still loves me so ironiclly if they will do with u they will definitly do it to u. he blames me that i wasnt giving it to himWTF and stated if i was giving to him he wouldnt have stepped out on us !!! crazy
baylvr Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Notice how quickly they can turn on you and call you names and blame YOU for their problems? Find a 12-step program... and work it! It helped me! One thing you'll have to do is forgive yourself and not take on all the blame!
rossm Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Experienced, you're obvoiusly upset. Can you distill your issue down, it's a bit difficult to read/understand. Especially after a bottle of wine. Thanks.
Author experienced Posted May 15, 2006 Author Posted May 15, 2006 baylvr thank you im trying still want to call W but wont hurt her from his friend he says she took him back in sept when i thought he left & these past couple of months him telling me "she knows about you"lol no she knew about someone else. the others were brief ,the gym girl got back to her & im sure the current has so im not going to add to W pain if she chooses to stay with him with the cheating fine her choice not mine. and yes i am really pissed at me i believed him & he also said he loved me etc tried to get me to feel bad & even said i was trying to make him feel guilty WTF he couldnt comprehend i backed off because he broke his word about leaving. i recently read some of this book "will he really leave her for me"which i suggest for OW it describes the cycles NC etc o and he stated he was leaving for me (yeah whatever)but this new "friend "i asked does she think your leaving ?he says he doesnt know or care about hurting her or lying . this guy used to be really sweet its like a stranger & since feb 05 hes been on steriods i think that changed him ,i can understand peoples feelings changing but to not be honest & waste my time . when i say he wasted 5 years of my life he said i wasted 5 years of his life WTF im in shock . i will be going to(back) therapy really depressed was hoping for a end to all this got it no way dealt with so much but i waited sacrificed lied to friends for what someone who put sex 1st wasnt always like that he changed . hope he gets his put his pic on a gay website
Author experienced Posted May 15, 2006 Author Posted May 15, 2006 rossm he cheated on me & W 3 times since aug . lied to me when he could have just ended it were not married. said he didnt think id find out he had every intention of leaving W for me . said lately he dont care about anything or anyone everybodys replaceable but blood he been on steriods the past year &that has changed him alot . i just hurts i miss the guy he used to be not this @ss. dont want him in my life thats for sure but why did it have to end like this? why couldnt he have broken it off ?told me working it out with W?anythin but he screwed me over & throws blame at me . U werent sleeping with me well u said u were leaving Ur wife & didnt all i could give him was communication . i need to spite him
whichwayisup Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 You're better off without him. He's big ASS! Lied to his wife, lied to you, probably lied to all the other women and will continue to lie to other women and his wife. So, break the cycle, stay away from him and know that you're better off! Stick with therapy, it will help you cope and learn how to live again. Good luck and keep posting your thoughts.
aktieb0cka Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Experienced, Whichwayup gives great advice. It is now important to focus on yourself. Because the one person that can take care of you, is yourself.
TiredOfWaiting Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Experienced - Know how you are feeling, your anger at yourself. My exMM got divorced in Sep 2005, and then spent a few months "finding" himself (yes he also had other women), then a few more months blaming me & everyone else for all that went wrong. Needless to say it is now 8 months later, and NOTHING has changed. He is STILL blaming me ... I am STILL Single ... and he STILL feels he has the right to drive past my house to see who is visiting. He could have been with me if he hadnt been such an a**h*** so many times, wavering between verbal abuse and ignoring me. Weeks of silence and then expecting to just waltz right in and have sex too ... I made that mistake ONCE too. So, you see, I know what you are going through. My advice - be the best, most level-headed, respectful, decent person you can be. No revenge tactics. No drive bys. No psycho stuff. Heal your heart first. Live through the pain, allow yourself to feel it, and then GET RID OF IT. You will be able to respect yourself in months to come when this all seems like a bad dream.
OzGirl Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 He's big ASS! I agree. A bit old ugly monkey's ass at that.
Author experienced Posted May 16, 2006 Author Posted May 16, 2006 You're better off without him. He's big ASS! Lied to his wife, lied to you, probably lied to all the other women and will continue to lie to other women and his wife. So, break the cycle, stay away from him and know that you're better off! Stick with therapy, it will help you cope and learn how to live again. Good luck and keep posting your thoughts. u are right its just hard when i buildt my life for him. the funny thing is the "lady "he is involved with now found it comical he had a wife a girlfriend ,etc . i invest years and all the sudden he changes & pisses me off he can be honest with this one,and that one etc about me and wife guess i became a second wife lol just saw now reason to lie to me & to get all this from him? i called him left a message ~after not talking for a month he couldnt keep doing this to me swore there was no one else . i called left him a message i was calling the wife. left a message at the house wifes house to call me regarding him . i told him he screwed me i was going to screw him i didnt though so just so mad .
Author experienced Posted May 16, 2006 Author Posted May 16, 2006 Experienced, Whichwayup gives great advice. It is now important to focus on yourself. Because the one person that can take care of you, is yourself. i try to focus on me but all i think of is how he doesnt even care & how i sacrificed and i cant get it out of my head .
Author experienced Posted May 16, 2006 Author Posted May 16, 2006 Experienced - Know how you are feeling, your anger at yourself. My exMM got divorced in Sep 2005, and then spent a few months "finding" himself (yes he also had other women), then a few more months blaming me & everyone else for all that went wrong. Needless to say it is now 8 months later, and NOTHING has changed. He is STILL blaming me ... I am STILL Single ... and he STILL feels he has the right to drive past my house to see who is visiting. He could have been with me if he hadnt been such an a**h*** so many times, wavering between verbal abuse and ignoring me. Weeks of silence and then expecting to just waltz right in and have sex too ... I made that mistake ONCE too. So, you see, I know what you are going through. My advice - be the best, most level-headed, respectful, decent person you can be. No revenge tactics. No drive bys. No psycho stuff. Heal your heart first. Live through the pain, allow yourself to feel it, and then GET RID OF IT. You will be able to respect yourself in months to come when this all seems like a bad dream. u are right i want him to hurt . the way i found out about the others through a friend of his i just meet he sent this guy to give me a esitmate & the guykept proding how i knew XMM. and i told him how long and a couple of weeks later he calls me tells me ,said i wasnt like the others & 5 years he couldnt see me wasting my time ... yet mm states his change came about cause i wasnt sexual !!! so pissed and W almost called her but she knows about aug chick,gym heard rumors so she is aware & if she wants to stay ok i leave it alone . and he told me it wasnt my fault he changed it was W ??WTF he cannnot take accountabilty for anything . i stuck by this @ss when i didnt want to ,wished it would end yet i never thought it would end like this . wished he would have been honest i hate him & want him to hurt .!!!
aktieb0cka Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 Experienced, I had the same thoughts…sometimes they pop in every now and then, when you don’t expect it. I think that it is normal. There are certain triggers that you just can’t deny the memories. I also am like that with everything though. So it just might be me. You know, I try to remember the good times and forget about the bad. I have to say there were not that many bad times, but when I do it reminds me that, like you, I was willing to give up everything…I mean everything for this man. He knows and I know it. I am a great catch and that is his lost!! But I think that he has other issues to work out as well. I think that your MM is very selfish and it is a shame for people to be like that. There are so many people who just don’t give a damn and feel that they are entitled to it. It is so hard to see sometimes and when we look back on it we wonder how we got duped and were so blind. We are here for you!!
Author experienced Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 right now all i can think of is how he screwed me over that i had to go ballistic to get the truth then he blames me "u changed " well i changed cause i was sick & tired of being sick & tired then he tried to "lure me back in" wanted to come see me can i F*** u one more time? o my god he is no longer the guy i loved i know but it hurts so much that he couldnt be honest ! 5 years down the drain ! back to therapy on friday he is selfish a loser a druggie(steriods) the last year i saw a change but never thought he was being a whore ! aktieb0cka how long has it been since u ended or have had contact with your mm?
Jessie61 Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 You're better off without him. He's big ASS! Lied to his wife, lied to you, probably lied to all the other women and will continue to lie to other women and his wife. So, break the cycle, stay away from him and know that you're better off! Stick with therapy, it will help you cope and learn how to live again. Good luck and keep posting your thoughts. I totally agree with WWIU!!! This guy is a selfish loser and he has absolutely NO respect for anybody else! You are so much better off without him! You deserve better! What am I saying??? A RABID SKUNK would deserve better treatment than this guy is giving you, his W or any of his OM's.... Look after YOURSELF from now on! Do what is best for YOU!
aktieb0cka Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 right now all i can think of is how he screwed me over that i had to go ballistic to get the truth then he blames me "u changed " well i changed cause i was sick & tired of being sick & tired then he tried to "lure me back in" wanted to come see me can i F*** u one more time? o my god he is no longer the guy i loved i know but it hurts so much that he couldnt be honest ! 5 years down the drain ! back to therapy on friday he is selfish a loser a druggie(steriods) the last year i saw a change but never thought he was being a whore ! aktieb0cka how long has it been since u ended or have had contact with your mm? I think it is absolutely easier to blame someone else for things that are completely one’s fault and that is what your MM is doing. He is making you feel guilty for leaving him, because, what he is the only freaken man in this world? I think not. He seems to have his hands full and I think that eventually will blow up in his face. I think it would be in your best interest not to be around him when that happens. He should be the one in therapy!!! I have not been in contact with MM personally since April 26. It was an apology via email for yelling at him and sending him an email basically hitting him in all the places that hurt. I felt bad because it is not me and I usually don’t express myself in that way. I think that I opened my eyes and realized that it would be totally crazy to remain friends, because I still had feelings for him. We had agreed to support each other regardless, but I needed to walk away. It wouldn’t be fair. He needed to do what he needed to do and now it is my turn. I had slowly started to remove myself from him. Professionally, I have not been in contact with him since last Friday. I was in the process of giving other people the tasks that we had shared together. So now I will not have to deal with him at all, anymore.
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