fooled Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 A friend of mine suggested I make a trial Match.com profile just to see there are other women out there that share my interests. Guess who was my first match?* Yup - my ex.* She has a match.com profile looking for a guy to snuggle with and attend events with.* No 1 night stands or FWB thing - she is looking for stready man.* Yet she has a BF who I hear is "totally in love with her." She even lied in her profile by saying she was never married. Typical. Yes, I know I shouldn't have read it.* It was just so strange.* Felt terrible all day yesterday and today, too - although I know I should be feeling happy she's no longer allowing her to do this to me - and validated she hasn't changed and is doing the same thing to her new "love." I don't feel sorry for him. I feel a little cheated, actually. And defeated - and really, really rejected. Any encouraging words?
johan Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 For a reasonable price, there are people you can get in touch with who can make her "go away". Otherwise, you seem doomed to encounter her in various ways at unexpected times. I feel relatively lucky. My ex could have died 5 months ago, or she could be married and expecting a kid, or she could have moved completely out of the state, and I wouldn't know anything about any of it. It's like she never existed.
Alexandra Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 Felt terrible all day yesterday and today, too - although I know I should be feeling happy she's no longer allowing her to do this to me - and validated she hasn't changed and is doing the same thing to her new "love." I don't feel sorry for him. I feel a little cheated, actually. And defeated - and really, really rejected. Any encouraging words? All very natural, we all had moments like that when coping with ex-es with an online presence. I'd say you have zero reason to feel defeated or rejected, she may well be rejecting anyone of value so you're just in the "too good" category. You started that phrase by stating the right things which shows not only that you rationalize it well but that once you're over the relapse (the feelings you've been getting are just "echos", your mind reacting to the stimulus -her, in the same way it reacted when you had the trauma) you're going to think and feel just that. Try and focus more on how you intellectually know you should be thinking and feeling about this and you'll be fine. Oh and I strongly encourage you not to give into the temptation of following Johan's murderous advice!!!
Zeppelin456 Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 it's really too strange that you got her as a match...clearly somebody is trying to f*** with you. i think soon, you'll feel validated that things have worked out for the better as you realize that she's pulling this s*** on the new guy too. don't worry yourself too much.
Author fooled Posted May 15, 2006 Author Posted May 15, 2006 You are Mr. Lucky McLuckerson! I feel relatively lucky. My ex could have died 5 months ago, or she could be married and expecting a kid, or she could have moved completely out of the state, and I wouldn't know anything about any of it. It's like she never existed.
johan Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 You are Mr. Lucky McLuckerson! Would you mind editing that out? I prefer to stay anonymous, thanks.
Author fooled Posted May 15, 2006 Author Posted May 15, 2006 Well, we had/have a tremendous amount of things in common, so not so strange she was a match, but the #1 - it's just sucky like when you're breaking up and people tell you what a great couple you are. You know, I assumed she was screwing around on the "new" guy too - he was one of the 5 relationships she was having when I left her in january. Just brings the sadness and hopelessness back. it's really too strange that you got her as a match...clearly somebody is trying to f*** with you. i think soon, you'll feel validated that things have worked out for the better as you realize that she's pulling this s*** on the new guy too. don't worry yourself too much.
riobikini Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Fooled, Apparrently they all lie in their profiles. Ex's especially. I found the profile of my ex on Match.com, after we broke up, that had, obviously, been up for years and maintained steadily -and with hope and effort- during the whole time we were together. He had even changed the location of his whereabouts to (also, obviously) be able to attract more people from other areas. (I guess he wore all the others out, dating them behind my back, eh?) That would certainly explain why he had so little time for me. And, yes, it made me feel kinda bad...but mostly for him, -because I could see his apparent addiction along with his Commitment Phobia. They go hand-in-hand. (Gotta keep those options open!!!) (Smile) It's all ok, though. I know, now, that I am so fortunate to have not stayed in that relationship with such a messed-up individual. My hurts are healing. My life is getting more and more on track everyday. There is this feeling of being back in charge of my emotions -finally- that was never there when this person of poorly-developed character was in my life. I couldn't see that months ago...but man, what a difference every new day makes! Fooled, -you didn't miss out on the love of your life: you may feel, at times, as if you've been hit by a run-away train, but in fact, you've just narrowly escaped being scooted along the tracks and mangled for years by one. -Rio
2sunny Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 If you had a lot in common - it is not strange at all that she is a #1 match!!!!! The problem being that she doesn't list her shortcomings of her inability to be faithful in her profile! If this were the case - she would never be your match.... you are a good guy, don't waste your obvious intelligence worrying about her as she is not good enough to lick the dirt off your shoes! Anyone who cheats will always cheat! It's not worth the worry to wonder...
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Fooled, remember one thing.... she is once again pretending to be the person that you were looking for. But you know the real H. You know that whatever she puts down on paper (or on the net) is not WHO she really is. And who she really is is someone that is not worthy of your trust and love. I know this must have hurt you and set you back a bit, but you are at about the same time line as I am, and I'm still wreck, so don't be so down on yourself if you still have unresolved feelings and have some bad days.
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