katherine123 Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 I've been seeing this wonderful man for four months now and we have a great relationship. We're in love and have even discussed getting engaged, but not getting married until I graduate from college in a few years. We seem to have the perfect relationship and he would do anything for me. However, we do have one problem between the two of us: my 2 year old son. My son's father and I are not together and he has limited contact with us due to being in another state. My boyfriend has been the one seeing my son and spending time with both of us, but my son doesn't seem to be warming up to my boyfriend. He can be quite an angel when he wants to be, but other times he is mean to my boyfriend by hitting him or kicking him out of the blue for no apparent reason and not allowing my boyfriend to even hold my hand without my son throwing a temper tantrum. We're both at our wit's ends on how to make it work between us. We are in love, but it seems like our relationship is nearing its breaking point. My boyfriend has told me that due to my son living with me solely that he is spoiled because I pamper him and that I need to discipline him more and that he will not do it because he is not his father so it is not his place. He is correct in saying my son is spoiled because he has not had to share my attention with anyone from the time he was born until I met my boyfriend four months ago. I have no clue as to what to do. I love my son, but this is the first guy in five years that I have felt this way about and I don't want to lose him. If someone could please give me advice about this situation because we honestly have no clue what to do at this point and it seems like we're just going in circle.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 I wrote a whole post on this and somehow it got erased before I could post it! GGRRRR.. I can relate to this in a way. I have a 16 month old and I have been in a relationship for 6 months since my son was 9 months. His biological father is not in his life and most likely will never be. My SO and I have planned a future together, or I wouldn't have even introduced my son to him. He is as much as a disciplinary as I am to my son and he has adjusted very well. Your F is going to have to make your son respect him. IF not, then you can forget living in peace! Remember this is a hard age for your son, his twos. He is just now learning that he can defy you and he knows it gets to you. I know your F feels like since he isn't your sons father he cant discipline him but if he doesn't, your son will walk all over him. He needs to understand that he can't have you all to himself now and he also needs lots of positive attention to show him he is very important to you. Do you have a baby sitter? You and F deserve a few nights a month to go out on your own for a few hours. This might help ease the tention between the 2 and your son might benefit from having time away from you as opposed to always being right under your feet. I know how stressful being a single parent can be. I made a decision in the very begining that my son would come first before anything even if it meant putting myself on the back burner. However, I know that I deserve to be happy and have a future that fulfills my needs. You can make this work, your just gonna have to work harder at it. But F needs to know that he has his work cut out as well. If he isn't going to help you discipline your son, he's gonna have to figure out another way to get your son to respect him.
Author katherine123 Posted May 18, 2006 Author Posted May 18, 2006 Thanks. My son is actually starting daycare next week so that he can spend some time with other kids his age. Hopefully, everything goes well and he likes being there. I agree that my SO should def. get involved with disciplining my son if he wants him to respect him, but I guess the hard thing is actually carrying it out bc after talking to him and all he doesn't agree with some of the ways I raise my son, but said he doesn't want to overstep his bounds because he said he doesn't know if his way is right.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 Thanks. My son is actually starting daycare next week so that he can spend some time with other kids his age. Hopefully, everything goes well and he likes being there. I agree that my SO should def. get involved with disciplining my son if he wants him to respect him, but I guess the hard thing is actually carrying it out bc after talking to him and all he doesn't agree with some of the ways I raise my son, but said he doesn't want to overstep his bounds because he said he doesn't know if his way is right. I don't think anyone knows of the right way, we just do our best. However, you can educate yourself. Maybe the 2 of you can read up on child psychology, maybe even counseling, to find the best way to introduce your F as a disciplinary figure w/out your son feeling threatened.
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