sick of it Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 im sure you can all guess what this thead will be about... i had been feeling good for the past few weeks. i had a slight set back when mme and my exs mutiual friends got engaged (it brought up feelings for obvious reasons) but i was good. i was actually to the point of waiting for the exs phone call to say she was engaged. i was just ready. in my head, im happy that shes happy. and i meant it...i thought. i got a phone call yesterday. there was no reason for her to be calling but i ansered. i felt i could handle it. i felt ready. i felt strong and indifferent and over her. i am over her. im not of it. we talked....and then...we fought. we fought about everything that happened. we fought about how she treated me since the break and how she did it. she brought up the three things i did to make her want to break up with me...the three things she always does...no cheating, no hitting...but three mistakes i made over the course of the relationship spanning 3 yeras ago. she told me how her new guy makes her feel so good about herself. and thats great. but there was no need to make me feel like i didnt. i remeber the things shes told me. i remember how i made her feel. i remember how she said i made her feel. but here i am, regretting everything i ever did wrong. ever wondering if ill deserve someone again. shes back on the pedestal for some reason. its funny, no matter how strongly i feel, no matter what i was told, no matter how right i may be...i believe her version of everything. i fold under her. i let her be right. i do this with no one else. just her. the three things ive apologized for. ive cried about how sorry i was. i felt horribly and i still do. i shoulnt. they were mistakes. they werent deal breakers. i will never understand how you can turn on someone you "loved". ill never underatand how to do it myself. i wish i could. i may make things easier. i refuse to hate this girl. i do not hate her and i told her that. i asked her to finally forgive me for those things. she said only if i forgive her for the things that have happend since the break. i told her forgiveness doesnt work like that. insanity...doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. i expect to again feel good after talking to her. i havent in over a year. funny, she wants to be friends, still...which doesnt make sense to me. if i have made her feel so horrible about her self. if shes much happier without me, what did i provide that makes her want a friendship? we always talk about the past. because im still mad. she asks why im mad. so we get into it. i dont know what the answer is. i truly do miss her. i miss how we WERE. i miss how i imagine she is with him and how she says she is with him. i had that. and i dont know what I did to lose it. she makes it very clear that IM THE ONE who lost it....thats not love. i wasnt a bad boyfriend. and im not a mean person. i know im not. im liked by everyone that knows me...but no one has ever treated me the way she has....both positively and negatively. it truly is a thin line. i just want forgiveness. i dont care from who. me or her....someone has to give.
KittenMoon Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 Poor sick of it. I feel for you man. I think you need to stay away from your ex. You and I came from similarly lengthed relationships. So let's assume we shared the same levels of intimacy But there's a big difference between us- gender. My ex broke up with me for dumb reasons. He is emotionally immature. He didn't realize how intensly hurtful some of the things he did was. Why? He's a guy. It doesn't come naturally. I can forgive him for falling out of love- I'm still waiting for his understanding of the pain he cause me through his specific actions. But as a girl, I have no delusions that your ex knows exactly how she is treating you. Girls are emotionally manipulative by nature, even when we try our hardest not to be. I'm about as nice as it gets, but I still gotta control that manipulative girls sometimes, well actually, more often than now. She wants control over you. She wants to keep it. She wants your forgiveness, while she'll give minimal ground to attain it. She's got her "home base" (the new guy) and while she may not realize how evil this is, she'd like you pining over her as well. All girls LOVE that ego boost, even the nice ones. You may have to do tha hardest thing ever and just walk away from her forever. Maybe years down the line you can reapproach her without the emotions you still have to deal with. I'm sorry man. Sometimes even I despise my gender. Sometimes, when I know I'm trying to shift the situation to my control, I hate myself as well.
riobikini Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 SOI: " i just want forgiveness. i dont care from who. me or her....someone has to give" *I* forgive you. Now, -forgive yourself. And let it go. -Rio
Author sick of it Posted May 15, 2006 Author Posted May 15, 2006 thank you kitten. i havent tried calling her since december and i havent seen her since september. the longest weve gone NC is 2 months and she always contacts me. i moved away from the area to get away from her....so i have actively tried to stay away from the ex. i know shes manipulative. in all my other posts i can see how shes manipulative. and yet, its so easy to misinterpret that the manipulation into true compassionate feelings. i am so sick of games. im so sick of her being mean. of course she knows what shes doing. its so hard to believe that someone would actively do that. im a trusting person so its easy for me to let her in. i was also very in love with her, so its easy for me to believe everything she says...and part of me probably just wants to believe it. one of the hardest parts about this...and im sure everyone will agree....is seeing the contrast between how we were treated, how we are treated, and how they treat others. i was number 1. now im not, i can accept that. like you said kittenmoon, you cant fault him for falling out of love. but its what they did once they fell out of love, thats the testament of the kind of person they are. its sad when no one else gets to see it....its like catching the popular, smart, nice guy/ girl at school cheating on a test. what do you do? no doubt i did things wrong. if i said i didnt, id be lying and you all would know that. i know that, i recoginze that, i accept that....im human. i have felt remorse, i have apologized profusely and theres nothing i can do. im a forgiving person if i see remorse. maybe subconsciencly i feel that if she sees more remorse, shell forgive. im wrong. she just loses respect...so do i. she has never told me that "i dont love you anymore." i know she doesnt. thats not the point. the point is that she places the demise of the relationship on me. that all she had to say from the beginning was that her feelings had changed (hindsight is 20/20...and even then you cant see sometimes). instead, it all came down on me and i believed it. thats where the damage has occured. that is what has caused me to be here and a year later be like this. its remorse and regret. it doesnt have to be. I CAN END THIS...and for some reason i choose not to. i crave validation from her. however, i know that it wasnt me that did this. you find out someone cheats on you, you end it then...you are angry...you dont speak...but often times, the love is there. you get into a fight over something, big or small...it ends in a breakup because of something one of you did. but the love remains often. if it was one person who did something wrong and that person is sorry, very sorry, and changes to fix it...and the love remains with the other person, theres no reason for it not to work. there has to be love. there has to be willingness. there was/ is on my side. there wasnt on hers. yes it sucks. but thats ok.....i just needed to know that . there was no fight. she wanted a break. the love was gone for a while. she never told me. she never faced it and kept feeding me words and lies and gifts to convince me...and probably more importantly, her. but she failed. im left with everything, not her. im left with the love...not her. What is forgiveness. Webster defines it as "to give up resentment against or the desire to punish; stop being angry with; to give up all claim to punish or exact penalty." RIO, i accept your forgiveness. thank you. i thought i had forgiven myself because i thought we were done with it. apparently not. when i hear about it, i feel bad still. i havent given up the desire to punish myself for it. im still angry with myself that i could do such a thing (and the thing, though not giant, made her feel bad. thats what im not forgiving, not the actual act, but the way i made someone feel....im a nice guy). i have come to the conclusion that if she hasnt let those things go, if she was willing to break with me over those things (she said she should have broken up with me 3 years ago), then whether i did it or not, it wouldnt have lasted. it wasnt me, its her attitude. if what happened didnt happen, something else would have. honesty is truely the key. humans can accept falling out of love. we cant accept lies. we cant accept deception and manipulation. its these traits that keep us stuck in the mud. im happy that i never lied to her. im an honest person. i would never intentionally decieve someone to hurt them. i would never intentionally hurt someone. i forgive myself. theres no reason to be like this anymore. i had my part in the relationship and i know what I did wrong. ...but it wasnt ALL me.
KittenMoon Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 honesty is truely the key. humans can accept falling out of love. we cant accept lies. we cant accept deception and manipulation. its these traits that keep us stuck in the mud. im happy that i never lied to her. im an honest person. i would never intentionally decieve someone to hurt them. i would never intentionally hurt someone. I think this is really smart. I think this is why so many people hae trouble moving on. It's the lies and manipulation that constantly make us sick. I look at how devastated I was not knowing what was going on with my ex, wondering about him and other girls, wondering if he lied to me, wondering why he seemed to be actively avoiding our friends. I've gotten a lot of answers in the past week and a half, a lot of my fears have been assuaged, and it's helping me calm down a lot. It's bringing me back to the simplest issue at hand: how do I get over him? how do I move forward wihout him? I'm sorry your ex is being a witch. You really sound like someone who does not deserve that.
riobikini Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 re: SOI: " i forgive myself. theres no reason to be like this anymore. i had my part in the relationship and i know what I did wrong. ...but it wasnt ALL me." You've taken responsibility for your part in all of this. But you take no more, -no less. Once you've settled it with yourself, and let the other person know (the best way you can) that your apology and regret is sincere, -you turn your back and move on. It's not up to you how they process, or use the information, -your part is done. -Rio
In Sync Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Forgiveness is the hardest and last step in recovering. Forgiveness means to let go of every ounce of anger and to let go. It is the point you finally get to where there is no looking back, no more blame, no more rehashing, no more waiting for an apology, no more apologizing, no more guilt, no more being a victim...are you truly ready to forgive?
Author sick of it Posted May 15, 2006 Author Posted May 15, 2006 ...are you truly ready to forgive? i want to...im determined to. i know i can. there are days when im happy for her. i truely am. and i wish to hang out with her and talk with her and be her friend. i know that once i forgive, i can do that. but then there are days when i still think "FU, i hope karma comes and bites you in the ass, hard" its push and tug. i still dont want to see her with him...i dont know what that means. if i still have feelings? if i am jealous? i know shes forever going to be in my life....i believe so anyway. and this could turn into a deep deep friendship....i just wish i knew how she felt/ feels about me as a person. thats the deciding factor if any of this is worth it. aside from the games...or the gender traits (manipulation:))...i want to know the truth. i will forgive everything. i can feel how close i am and it feels better...like being ice cold and walking towards a fire....im not there yet...but i can see how it will feel once i get there. its a burden lifting....but as for now, i am still carrying it.
Brittanyjean06 Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 When you say all man are manupaltive my nature? can you explain what it really meens to be manuplative? I am not questioning your theory on that , I am just really curious to see if i have some of those traits as well could it be subcoulsnly?( sorry for mispellinngs)
In Sync Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 i want to...im determined to. i know i can. there are days when im happy for her. i truely am. and i wish to hang out with her and talk with her and be her friend. i know that once i forgive, i can do that. but then there are days when i still think "FU, i hope karma comes and bites you in the ass, hard" its push and tug. i still dont want to see her with him...i dont know what that means. if i still have feelings? if i am jealous? i know shes forever going to be in my life....i believe so anyway. and this could turn into a deep deep friendship....i just wish i knew how she felt/ feels about me as a person. thats the deciding factor if any of this is worth it. aside from the games...or the gender traits (manipulation:))...i want to know the truth. i will forgive everything. i can feel how close i am and it feels better...like being ice cold and walking towards a fire....im not there yet...but i can see how it will feel once i get there. its a burden lifting....but as for now, i am still carrying it. When I speak of forgiveness and as I undertsand it, it requires relinquishing all the strings that come attached that would make you feel comfortable today. In otherwords at this point here now, you can say, I will not let this baggage be a part of my existence to get through the next morning. Like dropping a heavy stone that you are carrying. Here's a sincere question I ask you (And myself)...in five years from now how will anything of this make a difference? Don't respond right away...just reflect for a solid minute. In 5 years how will this make a difference. Are you going to drag this resentment or hurt with you five years down the line. So why carry it tomorrow? Why carry it now? Therefore forgive and let it all go. Because none of it will matter later and you cannot change the past.
bendit Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 You won't EVER be able to "just" be her friend imo. Not in this lifetime. imo you will have NOTHING BUT pain if you remain in contact with her. Question: why do you continue to HURT YOURSELF over and over and over? You are stuck between denial and anger. Forgiveness is a long way off. regards
Author sick of it Posted May 16, 2006 Author Posted May 16, 2006 Here's a sincere question I ask you (And myself)...in five years from now how will anything of this make a difference? i dont want it to. but i dont see myself fully giving again. i dont trust women anymore. i hate that feeling. i imagine GF and i cant believe a thing she says. i cant imagine evr being good enough for anyone...which is absurd right? how can he think like that, right? i dont know. but i do. ive heard about every aspect of me that ended us. im self conscience about me...about everything about me. personality, emotions, intimacy, my worth...all of them have been directly bashed by her over the past year. not to sound crude....but i want my balls back. i want to believe in myself. ...id like them back 5 years from now...sooner hopefully. i feel like i need someone to verify my worth again.
In Sync Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 i dont want it to. but i dont see myself fully giving again. i dont trust women anymore. i hate that feeling. i imagine GF and i cant believe a thing she says. i cant imagine evr being good enough for anyone...which is absurd right? how can he think like that, right? i dont know. but i do. ive heard about every aspect of me that ended us. im self conscience about me...about everything about me. personality, emotions, intimacy, my worth...all of them have been directly bashed by her over the past year. not to sound crude....but i want my balls back. i want to believe in myself. ...id like them back 5 years from now...sooner hopefully. i feel like i need someone to verify my worth again. This is not about her anymore. AND I believe in all honesty, forgive me, but you are getting addicted to the feeling of pain. As much as you want (and I believe we all want to be free of our heartache and suffering) as long as you hang onto the blames, lack of trust which is rooted in anger and resentment, ergo you are still blaming You will always have this tied around your neck. To forgive requires letting go. Completely. You'll never find the love you want with this barrier of anger. Or lack of trust. And perhaps the time is not right for you to jump into another relationship...this is your calling card to work on your feelings of self worth. Your feeling of I am special and I bring my specialness to the table. Loads of people instead bring their resentments and past hurts into their future relationships and then the same patterns of hurt start all over again. Free yourself of this relationship and this self imposed prison yourself in. TRY FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU.
KittenMoon Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 ive heard about every aspect of me that ended us. im self conscience about me...about everything about me. personality, emotions, intimacy, my worth...all of them have been directly bashed by her over the past year. not to sound crude....but i want my balls back. i want to believe in myself. It's easy to point out a person's flaws- I'm always amazed how people conviniently overlook the good stuff. Some of the stuff my ex said to me when we broke up was an amazing reach- the worst he could come up with is he thinks I'm too negative about people (since he has rarely made himself emotionally vulnerable to ANYONE, he's inclined to see the sunny rainbow ice cream attributes of everyone- I on the other hand, have the defenses of any normal human who's experienced hurt at someone else's hands before). I am sure you have tons of good qualities. I know it's hard to not listen to what the people you are attached to say- we value their opinion so their criticism cuts deepest. So take what she's said with a grain of salt- if there are truly character flaws you think you could work on, try to work on them. The rest, well, no one will ever be perfect. I'm sure she has a load of crappy characteristics to her as well.
Author sick of it Posted May 16, 2006 Author Posted May 16, 2006 This is not about her anymore. AND I believe in all honesty, forgive me, but you are getting addicted to the feeling of pain. i know its not about her. it hasnt been for a long while. she just triggers it. and INSYNC, i dont need to forgive you. youre right. i am addicted to the pain. if im not thinking about this or talking about this...i dont feel right. maybe its because of the contact the other day...or that im coming up to my "annivorcery." that i know shes going to CHINA in a week with him (the trip we always went on). that shes graduating GRAD School on friday and im not aprt of it anymore...maybe thats why im feeling everything this week. ive been thinking of starting counseloing again maybe. i dont know i just want it to end. contact or none, i shouldnt be like this. a vietnam vet cant avoid loud sounds his whole life...eventually he has to fix the fear. and bendit...though you are right...i shouldnt have to avoid her forever. i know its me.
Author sick of it Posted May 16, 2006 Author Posted May 16, 2006 btw...after rereading my post....that sounded awfully depressing.....im sorry it was a bad moment that i needed to vent. and as wrong as this is...i feel like i need someone to help make me happy. someone to help pick me up and dust me off. a rebound of sorts. i dont want it. but...i dont know
bendit Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 The old NC is "avoiding" her argument and I "shouldn't" have to do that....Once again this is a RATIONALIZATION, the oldest one in the book. Let me say it another way. I don't have to give up ALCOHOL. I can keep a bottle of GIN in the house no problem. I shouldn't have to go NC with alcohol, its ME. Everyone EVERYONE who says this, and its funny the ones who say this are always on the coping forum dealing with the PAIN of contact, are seeking a rationalization to remain in contact with the target of their ADDICTION. Yes I said addiction. Plain and simply, you are addicted to this person. ADDICTED. There I said it. Now you should say it. NO? Not you? You can't imagine a life without her in it in Some way. Can you? You need a Fix of...HER and the "itch" comes up about every two months or so. Now as to whether a heroin addict can have a lifelong "deep" friendship with heroin, I will leave you to ponder that. As for how to get free of addictions? You go NC with them. You don't plan a long happy friendship with them. Yes it is hard for the Alcoholic to give up Alcohol. Damn hard. Almost as hard as its been for you to give up the idea of this woman in your life. But they do it. And you can too. There may be a time when you can be a friend to this person. But you have to get "free" of your addiction to HER before you can do that. regards
Author sick of it Posted May 16, 2006 Author Posted May 16, 2006 im not rationalizing!!! im not seeking contact...the itch comes up for her, not me. i understand what youre saying i swear. an alcoholic at least feels a sense of comfort after they drink...a sense of fulfillment. i do not. i feel like s*** after every conversation. its like being addicted to slamming your fingers in a door jam. it hurts everytime. i dont look to do it. why i cant open a door with out hurting myself is the question in my head. why i cant talk to her without accepting pain. <breath> i accept your argument of rationalization to remain in contact. but im not looking at it like that. maybe subconsciencely, but im not aware of it. NC has not helped me....Contact hasnt helped me.....3 months of NC should do SOMETHING right? how about multiple periods of NC?....nothing. i really do look forward to your posts bendit. fire away...i know i left myself open...maybe i just want to hear it.
bendit Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 imagine changing your phone numbers imagine changing you email address imagine moving and not telling her imagine never having her in your life AGAIN EVER How does this make you feel? I believe it scares the living daylights out of you. I believe you aren't capable of DOING this. This is worth examining. This is addictive behavior. Its like a drunk not being able to throw out the bottle of GIN. As for the alcoholic not feeling AWFUL after giving into a drink or going on a binge? TALK TO ONE. I think you know you are going to get contact from her. Deep down, you know she wants to have you close, but not be with you, so this is why you haven't YET had to contact her. She contacts you first and you can count on this continuing. You have just enough contact to give you your "fix" your dose of her. You always answer when she calls and always will until you decide not too. As for three months of NC not helping...true. It wasn't long enough because of your very powerful attachment to this person. You needed ONE MORE DAY. Then another. Then another. You see you don't give NC a chance to work. You cave and accept contact because You crave it. You obviously need her contact. This is why I say you are dependent on her. In fact you are dependent on EXTERNALITIES for your very happiness. You are Unhappy now and Need another person to come along and make you Happy. That implies that you can't be happy without someone in your life. What a terrible prognosis. Just reread this thread. A relationship with this "frame" of dependency as a starting point is DOOMED. Doomed I say. I suspect that she felt that you were too dependent on her. I suspect that this was Unbearable for her. I suspect she felt she couldn't live up to the pressure of you being so dependent on her. I believe that is why she is gone. I may be wrong; but this is my hunch. Yes you got addicted to this person. And if you don't examine how you become Dependent on others for your own happiness, you will become dependent on the next "saviour" you pick out. This is too much to ask of another person. No person can live up to this. That's why they leave and exit stage left. (hey I am working on solving this too). NC didn't work because you didn't give it a chance. NC is a Day to Day endeavor. NC....just for today. If you can't imagine a life without HER in it, you are addicted. If you fail to understand that there are Thousands of women out there who could be a good partner for you, you are addicted. Face up to this. Face that you are Dependent on this person and you have tendencies to be dependent on others for your own HAPINESS. Work on being happy...ALONE. Work on not seeking validation from others, that you are OK by yourself. Work on your Neediness. regards
In Sync Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 OMG!! I read bendit's post and it gave me the woolies because that WAS me...Phew! sick of it, maintain NC, realize you need to get out of the dsyfuntional need of using someone to make you happy. You gotta do some reality check on yourself. You are addicted and maybe not everyone falls into this category but based on your prior posts, and your admissions you and I and some of us need NC to the max. And only until you faithfully commit to it, face your demons without a life preserver in the form of your ex or new relationship, you will go through this sort of abandonment pain again and again.
Author sick of it Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 id like to think ive been very honest with myself. in reading all of my posts, i think im very forward with my faults and shortcomings. im very honest with how i feel and i dont think ive hid behind anything...probably the reason for all my started threads. i also have not blamed her for how i feel. i know i feel the way i do because of me. i blame her for starting it, but it stops there. my coping skills are my issue. when she dumped me, i had a choice: to pine and wait, or walk away and move on. i chose to wait. i blame her for making me choose. but it stops there. i never thought my happiness relied on someone. i never considered myself needy. i thought she was. we had a LDR and i was happy with her there or not. this weak needy person appeared when she left. she didnt leave because of it...i know that. i find it curious that instead of choosing to be me and be friendly and happy, i chose this route and have remained in it. ive thought about her more since the break then i did when we were together...maybe thats normal...maybe i just notice it more. its not about her though. i do not know what im afraid of. there is a fear though. i have been facing my discomforts. the only one i havent faced is eliminating her from my life. whether its thinking about her (which you sometimes cant help), talking about her, or knowing about her...purely out of missing her. theres no one in my life like that, and i miss that. i realize that thats ok, but not possible anymore. i will be a guest at a wedding. i may be paired with my ex in the wedding party. if im best man and shes MOH theres no way around that. i will have to see her, and seeing that we have mutual close friends, she WILL be in my life somehow. not a choice, a fact. i have choosen to believe that i had my chance with her and I ruined it. i believed everything she said. I believed i had my one chance at love and that i will never feel for someone the same way again. i will never feel as strongly....and because im a romantic, i wanted to believe that. i wanted to believe in some movie ending. thats a fantasy. as perfect as it sounds...it doesnt happen...thats real life. i never understood people who look back on a serious relationship and say " i cant believe i was with them....what did i see in them?" and things like that. i have choosen not to think negatively about her...something that has held me back...because i have not faced HER faults. she is not the person for me. as much as i thought she was. and as much as i wanted her to be. shes not. the fact the someone else is and was so easily after me, is just an ego basher. and ive wallowed in it. ITS ALL ME. we control how we feel. in every situation we decide how to react. i miss what i thought i had...what i had in my head. i must chose to find what i wanted, somewhere else.
Author sick of it Posted May 19, 2006 Author Posted May 19, 2006 i do not know what im afraid of. there is a fear though. i have been facing my discomforts. the only one i havent faced is eliminating her from my life. whether its thinking about her (which you sometimes cant help), talking about her, or knowing about her...purely out of missing her. theres no one in my life like that, and i miss that. i realize that thats ok, but not possible anymore. the fear....what is the fear..... the fear is that what she has said is all true. i was called her knight in shining armor. i was called perfect. i was called every wonderful thing. how i saved her from a horrible time in her life. how i was everything to her and how she didnt know what she did to deserve me. ....fast forward to the breakup and the months following.... "i hated who i was when i was around you" "im a better person since ive left" "he (the new guy) makes me feel so much better about myself" when we were together, i felt like a million bucks everyday. i felt so good about myself. because i could make someone feel so good. and because i felt so good, everyone around me wanted to be a part of it. i was wanted. i was wanted by a lot of people and they couldnt have me because i was happy with someone and more importantly, they were happy with me. my question...(and ill never get the answer, i know, so dont say it)...is how do i go from being considered perfection to a person that is considered to be almost abusive? how does the view change to something like that?..... and if thats the case....why does she constantly ask to be friends? why would she want my friendship if thats how i made her feel....? and why would she ask me...just the other day..."if ***wasnt in the picture, would you want to get back together? (i know she wasnt asking because shes thinking about it, she was asking to probably see how i felt) when in actuality...thats what shes been doing to me since the break, is making me feel horrible about myself. yes NC i know....but this stuff has already been said to me. so the fear is that i was an a**h*** BF. i know i wasnt. im told i wasnt by everyone who ever saw us together....so that comforts me...but the person who the effort was directed towards is truly the one that matters. and thats her lasting impression. if i did try so hard and was that good to her for this to be her lasting impression, whats the point of being that good to anyone else....you know what im saying? shes graduating today from grad school. shes having a big party that she asked me to go to. im not going. i told her i wasnt. for those of you who have been following my posts for a while, you know how she moved on and what my gut has told me, and what has been confirmed. well...theres a decent chance that she could be engaged by the end of the day. i want to be like caliguy and not bat an eyelash at it, but thats not the case. its funny...i post when i feel strong and weak and i have contradictory posts. some look like im moving on and others look like it just happened.
bendit Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 You know you have to stop trying to figure her out. You will be endlessly frustrated. I don't think SHE is close to figuring herself out. I think her "facts" follow her feelings. That's common when people don't know themselves. As for you, you proved the dictum, "no contact = no new hurts". She DEVALUED you in your last conversation, only with your cooperation. You put more stock in how she feels about you than how you feel about yourself. Its like you are this heat seeking missile that has a bead on PAIN and you fly right to it. Every contact you have with her will be met by frustration and pain until you get CLEAR of the relationship. Let me put it this way. The faster you can heal your life by staying far far away from the pain you and her cause TOGETHER, the faster you will be able to "prove" your theory that someday you may be able to have a "deep deep" friendship with each other. Sometimes you have to go backwards to go FORWARDS. Good luck. regards ps: Never compare yourself to other posters on this forum. Nevah. People only give you a tiny glimpse, the glimpse they want you to see, of their own story.
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