No Contact Question

[timidity99]

I believe no contact can be used as a tool to win one's ex back. However what if my ex dumped me because she wanted more out of the relationship than I did? For example let's say she wanted to marry me and I didn't want to get married.

 

This happened to me. My now ex gf proposed to me a few weeks ago and I told her no. Then the next day she dumped me because she was hurt that I turned her down.

 

I wanted to wait a few more years before I get married to anybody really. I don't see how NC will work to win her back in this situation. Should I give her time to miss me?

[timidity99]

I really can't see myself dating anyone else. This woman is very unique and I doubt I'll find anyone better than her. I turned down her proposal not because I wanted to date other girls but because it's just too early for me. We dated a little over 3 years. I'm not ready for that next step. I enjoy living alone and having fun. I've never been one to like the idea of living with somebody 24/7.

[fraidycat]

I think the two of you need to have a talk, explain to her why you want to WAIT to get married. If she can't accept that then it's time for you both to look elsewhere because she's looking for a zebra, and your a frog. And what she needs to be happy in relationships is a zebra and what you'll need to be happy is someone who loves frogs.Really, talk this out tell her how your crazy about her and' you don't want other women, its just you want to wait and why..

[riobikini]

re

 

" she wanted more out of the relationship than I did"

 

 

 

More than enough indication to make 'NC' permanent...and move right along.

 

-Rio

[timidity99]

re

 

 

 

 

 

More than enough indication to make 'NC' permanent...and move right along.

 

-Rio

 

 

Wouldn't NC make it easier for her to get over me in this situation? I wonder if she would have to hear my voice sometimes just to keep the flame burning on her side.

[timidity99]

Interestingly enough she never wanted to get married before she met me. Some of her previous boyfriends proposed to her and she turned them down & she dumped them afterwards. I guess she felt they were putting too much pressure on her. She proposed to me, I declined it (even her offer to live together), & now she's hurt. So she's doing the exact same thing to me as she felt her previous boyfriends were doing to her.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

She's right. After three years it's time to fish or cut bait.

[RarePearl]

I believe no contact can be used as a tool to win one's ex back. However what if my ex dumped me because she wanted more out of the relationship than I did? For example let's say she wanted to marry me and I didn't want to get married.

 

This happened to me. My now ex gf proposed to me a few weeks ago and I told her no. Then the next day she dumped me because she was hurt that I turned her down.

 

I wanted to wait a few more years before I get married to anybody really. I don't see how NC will work to win her back in this situation. Should I give her time to miss me?

I was just browsing your history and saw this thread. So what happened with this girl?

[RealBroken]

No i dont think no contact will help you much here.

These are unreconciliable differences.

 

However, if u cant see yourself ever being with anyone else TRUTHFULLY

 

Why cant you marry her?

 

You need to talk.

[timidity99]

Because I don't want to get married. There's a big difference between not wanting to marry her and not wanting to get married. My case it's the latter. I don't want a wife. I could date exclusively for years on end and be happy with it.

[sirjay]

Would she take you back if you agreed to get married? Could you two agree on a compromise about timescale?

 

I don't agree that people "have" to get married after 3 years but NC is a non-issue here, the only issue is whether or not you two can reach an agreement and if she is prepared to take you back on that basis.

 

Unless you are asking if NC is going to get you back into the exact situation you want, of dating again with no talk of marriage? i'd say from what you said that there is zero chance of that. i really think she would want some kind of agreement before she would even consider it.

[J dub]

I could date exclusively for years on end and be happy with it.

Which is precisely what she does NOT want, otherwise she wouldnt have proposed in the first place.

 

NC is irrelevant. Either you marry her or come to some kind of agreement in that sense or you are done. She is not going to continue dating you without some sort of "promise" and why would she with all the other fishies in the sea? She sounds like a smart woman.

[timidity99]

Well my ex called me this afternoon. I wasn't available to answer so I let it go to voicemail. She leaves a message saying that it's been awhile and that she thinks we should talk. She wants me to call her back to talk about meeting up in person to talk about our relationship because she's been doing alot of thinking.

 

She sounded calm and soft spoken in her voice. I don't know if she's still hurt by my rejection of her marriage proposal.

 

I don't know if or when I should call her back. How long should I wait to get back with her? I've already decided to spend at least the next day or two to think about what I'm going to say and to get some input from others. I figure there's no rush to call back immediately.

[Art_Critic]

I don't know if or when I should call her back. How long should I wait to get back with her?

 

There is no hard and fast rule.. call her when you want to.. not when you think you should..

Since you basically did the dumping you have the power in your possession..

 

If you can do it.. meet her.. it will do you both some good to clear the air and get some closure.. I'm sure she is still reeling..

 

If it has been too soon and you can't see her then just call her and tell he that and keep it short..

[timidity99]

There is no hard and fast rule.. call her when you want to.. not when you think you should..

Since you basically did the dumping you have the power in your possession..

 

If you can do it.. meet her.. it will do you both some good to clear the air and get some closure.. I'm sure she is still reeling..

 

If it has been too soon and you can't see her then just call her and tell he that and keep it short..

 

 

Actually she dumped me because I rejected her marriage proposal. Then a week later she requested me not to contact her. Then she calls me this afternoon. So technically the power and the ball is still in her court. But yeah I will get in touch with her soon about meeting arrangements and hear her out.

[Art_Critic]

Actually she dumped me because I rejected her marriage proposal. Then a week later she requested me not to contact her. Then she calls me this afternoon. So technically the power and the ball is still in her court. But yeah I will get in touch with her soon about meeting arrangements and hear her out.

 

Oh.. Well you can't expect a person to continue a relationship after you do the ultimate rejection..

 

You still really did the dumping.. rejecting her marriage propasal is breaking up with her...

 

Honestly.. if you are going to continue to reject her more than maybe you should wait some more time till she has had more time to process it..

Unless of course you want to get it over with and pull the bandaid off.

 

Try not to hurt her anymore..

[BrandonBP]

If you love her and want to be with her then don't play any silly games. Call her and get back with her.

 

If you're not sure if you love her, then leave the girl alone and have the common decency to tell her that you don't want a relationship.

[dr strangelove]

Burp.....

 

Ok this is yet another episode where I want to take my hand and smack my head.

 

I can picture the dumbfounded look on the face of you Timmy D

99 timmys... 99 red timmys..hmm

 

99 red ballons.. that was great song.. Ok I digress.

 

Man why dont I have things like this happen to me????????????

 

The answer is so simple.. so simple I feel like I should talk slow or perhaps put on a puppet show.

 

1) Lets pretend you are your ex.. you propose..she says no. How would you feel?

 

2) You complain how you miss her etc.. gee how can I get her back.. wow.. how can I do that..hmm

 

Hello????????

 

Man you want her you have to make compromises. Get her a promise ring at least. My ex told me she wanted one.. I was like Ive never heard of that and I even went to look at them with her.

 

I never said no.. geez

 

 

You want her back? simple answer. Promise ring. Go buy one, go see her

surprise her she will just about faint. Dont say anything to hint at what you are doing.

 

sigh...

[Diver012]

Dude if your not ready to marry, your not ready. If you love her this much, a promise ring aint a bad idea, if shes up to it. She may want more...

 

I would call her, test teh waters, and see if theres anything salvageable.

 

As the saying goes, s*** or get off teh pot.

[timidity99]

Well we met up earlier tonight. We had a long profitable talk for about an hour. She told me she's been doing alot of thinking and asked me to explain myself as to why I turned down her proposal. I explained to her that I wanted to be finanically stable enough to buy a house first. Right now I'm renting. I told her it's not a good idea to marry until I've bought a house first and that could take several years.

 

Then she goes on to tell me how she does not want to live without me and that I have everything she has always wanted in a guy. She said that she has honestly tried to forget all about me but that her heart can't seem to let go. She said that her love for me never died during the last 2 months that we have not communicated.

 

So having said all that she tells me that she does not want to throw away a 3 year relationship that we have both invested in but at the same time she can't force me to marry her. She said that she'll give me whatever time I need because she is convinced I am the only one for her. I told her not to wait for me at all because I don't know if I ever will want to get married to anybody.

 

At the conclusion of our conversation I told her to give me 2 weeks to think about things because I'm not sure it is a good idea to resume the relationship. I told her that I'm not ready for a relationship not just with her but with anybody really. I requested that she not contact me at all during those 2 weeks as well. I'm going to continue leaving the ball in her court as to what she wants to do.

 

I did meet another woman a couple weeks ago who is divorced but I've decided not to pursue anything further with her. I've cut all contact with her as well. I met her before my ex contacted me again. Since my ex requested no contact with me during the last 2 months now it's my turn to request no contact.

[waitingforlove]

timidity99,

No offence, but I honestly think you are a bit selfish and immature. First, after three years, you insisited not to marry her. You didn't tell her why before she broke up with you, but deep down you didn't even want to marry anyone! You should have clarified that with her before she got so hurt, and if you truly don't want to get married at all even in the future, then tell her! She has no time to waste on somebody who doesn't see a future with her. You can't only think about yourself and what you want. She wants a future with you. Can you give her that? If not, let her know and don't waste her time and yours. If yes, then be brave and do what a man should do!

 

She broke up with you for a very legitimate reason in a way. And yet she was a mature person. She thought through things and decided to initiate contact with you again. She honestly told you about her feelings and admitted that you were important to her. What else do you want? Just because she had requested NC before, so now you think it's "your turn" to do the same to her, just for the sake of "torturing" her? That's completely immature. If you truly love her, you would have understood her desire for some time alone to sort things out. She clearly used that time to think through things and didn't just ask for NC in order to torture you. And why did YOU request NC this time? Because you think it's "your turn". As simple as that.

 

Sorry if I offended you by being honest. I just want you to see that this girl is worth it. I don't know her personally, of course, but from your story, I can see that she's a smart, mature, and reliable person. If you really want her, please LOVE her with your EFFORT! Love is not only a feeling. If you don't DO something that signifies love, I don't think you truly love her. Please don't only think about yourself anymore. Don't only think that you don't want to get married, you don't want this, you don't want that .... or that she hurt your feelings by asking for NC and so you have to do that "in turn" .... Time to decide whether you want to be a MAN or stay being a BOY. Love doesn't stick around forever if you don't catch it while it's there. If you hurt this girl again, for sure you'll lose her. I hope you won't, and you know what!? It's up to YOU to decide whether you'll lose her, through your ACTIONS! Good luck!

[justagirliegirl]

I agree with waitingforlove.

 

You post here trying to get your gf back. She finally seems receptive to you and pours her heart out to you and what do you do? give her some bs about waiting to buy a house which is rubbish as you said on here several times the real reason is you don't want to get married. Then you mind f her with the 2 weeks nc bs.

 

She wants to get married. You don't. Man up and stop wasting her time.

[timidity99]

I actually hate her right now. I don't want to see her happy. If I married her then I would only be doing her a favor.

[timidity99]

timidity99,

No offence, but I honestly think you are a bit selfish and immature. First, after three years, you insisited not to marry her. You didn't tell her why before she broke up with you, but deep down you didn't even want to marry anyone! You should have clarified that with her before she got so hurt, and if you truly don't want to get married at all even in the future, then tell her! She has no time to waste on somebody who doesn't see a future with her. You can't only think about yourself and what you want. She wants a future with you. Can you give her that? If not, let her know and don't waste her time and yours. If yes, then be brave and do what a man should do!

 

She broke up with you for a very legitimate reason in a way. And yet she was a mature person. She thought through things and decided to initiate contact with you again. She honestly told you about her feelings and admitted that you were important to her. What else do you want? Just because she had requested NC before, so now you think it's "your turn" to do the same to her, just for the sake of "torturing" her? That's completely immature. If you truly love her, you would have understood her desire for some time alone to sort things out. She clearly used that time to think through things and didn't just ask for NC in order to torture you. And why did YOU request NC this time? Because you think it's "your turn". As simple as that.

 

Sorry if I offended you by being honest. I just want you to see that this girl is worth it. I don't know her personally, of course, but from your story, I can see that she's a smart, mature, and reliable person. If you really want her, please LOVE her with your EFFORT! Love is not only a feeling. If you don't DO something that signifies love, I don't think you truly love her. Please don't only think about yourself anymore. Don't only think that you don't want to get married, you don't want this, you don't want that .... or that she hurt your feelings by asking for NC and so you have to do that "in turn" .... Time to decide whether you want to be a MAN or stay being a BOY. Love doesn't stick around forever if you don't catch it while it's there. If you hurt this girl again, for sure you'll lose her. I hope you won't, and you know what!? It's up to YOU to decide whether you'll lose her, through your ACTIONS! Good luck!

 

 

I have already lost her. There is nothing more to lose. We are still broken up. So there is no more losing that can be done. I can't lose what's already lost.

 

By your standards I'm not a man and that's fine with me. I'm not interested in conforming to a stranger's standard as to what a real man is. I have other important things going on.

 

To be real honest I'm not sure I want to live another 2 weeks. Suicide has been on my mind this evening.

[timidity99]

I understand that LS does not believe in giving people advice on how to get revenge on somebody and that's fine. I'll go elsewhere and get some ideas. Since I already lost her and I have nothing to lose I might as well get revenge on her the best way I can without getting in trouble with the law of course.