In Sync Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 Coping sometimes require looking back with honesty and sometimes though that honesty is hard to do especially in the midst of truly yearning for the ex's or secretly wishing for reconciliations while doing NC, but its the honesty that also allows for self growth and healing. My question is not aimed at blaming the Ex's, it's really a reflection about our expectations and what we were/are willing to put up with in the name of keeping that bf/or gf. When you think about the ex...even if it's a recent break-up, ask yourself, Were you respected in the relationship and Did he/she show you respect in the manner they broke up with you? Sometimes we accepted disrespect throughout the entire relationship and when it ends we wonder how this person could have done this to us. How could this person could have left me when I loved them so much? Why and why did this have to happen? Could it be that the level of respect WE expected was low from the get go. Our demands or need for love and respect, the bar was low that respect at that level was minimal. When an ex returns, after they've dallied elsewhere and hang a carrot of reconciliation in front of you...is this a sign of respect? What you expect for yourself is exactly what people will give. If you go on a job interview and the employer asks what your salary expectations are, and your figure is high or low, they determine how you think of yourself. How valuable you feel yourself to be. I think in relationship the same applies. What you except tells your partner how you feel about yourself. I made the error in my relationship of not demanding respect. And as a result I had/ have been beating myself up trying figure out why he didn't...duh! I was not seeing that it fell into my hands to reject his disrespect and wait for someone better.
Brittanyjean06 Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 Great post on respect! It makes me look back and realize no I never really had respect, instead I was considered a materlistic little girl, but that was all my fault..I let him get away with stuff and cried about it instead of putting my foot down. But here is when I put my foot down, I stoped trying to contact him 7 months ago, I hope history doesn't repeat its self, I hope during the time I have been single I have learned to love my self, and I think I have It's just hard to see what peoples intentions are after dating someone who told you everyone used you,,haha thats defiently not respect
KittenMoon Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 I got plenty of respect for a long time... then we got older. My need for respect in our changing lives grew, his understanding of it didn't, so he never changed. In the last several months, I got very little respect at all- I was a convinience or an inconvinience, depending on the situation. I was no longer being treated like a partner.
2020vision Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 This kind of reality check is exactly the kind of thing that keeps me going through this whole break up. I never got the respect I deserved, maybe a week's time out of the whole 3 year relationship. I was so desperate to be in love with him and for him to feel the same, that I was grasping at straws accepting only the crumbs he would throw out to me. If I had a healthy level of self respect, I would never have given him the time of day past a month into the relationship. But, you live and you learn I guess. I think you have to fall down to get back up. Sounds obvious, but I know that I will never accept what crap he dished out to me in another relationship again. Just can ony be thankful that we were not married and did not bring any children into our crazy world together. Good post Insync, its important to focus on the truth in a breakup, in a time that is so easy to focus on the good, fuzzy memories that are often not reality.
Author In Sync Posted May 16, 2006 Author Posted May 16, 2006 .... Good post Insync, its important to focus on the truth in a breakup, in a time that is so easy to focus on the good, fuzzy memories that are often not reality. Thank You, I find that the more I peel away layers of the onion, as much as I hate to admit the truth (especially about myself and my hand in staying in that relationship) the reality keeps me dettached from those good fuzzy memories. It not meant to turn him into the enemy either but in moving on, being stuck on the good times is, what was heeds my growth. Also, not confronting these little truths about who I was and why I didn't demand respect for myself will eventually catch up to me in future relationships..maybe that's why this particular breakup was my wake-up call.
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