Vega Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 I'm really not. I'm not a party animal, but I have a decent sense of humor, I am compassionate, I am supportive, I am friendly, I don't take advantage of people. I get my feelings hurt just like anyone else. I respect people, I work hard - not one to call in sick because its a nice day. I'm intelligent and educated. I smile. I even cook! I bring treats in to work for no reason at all - just because. I can be silly and fun. I can debate a good topic or make small-talk. I'm not a doormat and will stand up for myself and I'll apologize when I've done or said something wrong or if I offend someone and I'm sincere about it. I'm not rude or demanding. I'm not a drama-queen. I do some volunteer work and donate to charities when I can - like sponsoring people on walkathons or bikeathons. Why don't people like me?
phyrespryte Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 I like you. Actually. I wonder the exact same thing everyday. Why is it so hard to connect with people in general? Like regular friendships dating all that stuff. And it's the strangest thing for me because at school I swear people think I've got some sort of disease. But then at work it's like people try to be my friend and seem concerned about me. I don't get it. It's like 2 different worlds. I can't seem to connect with people at school and it's not like I'm being any different.
johan Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 Why don't people like me? Maybe it's you who doesn't like you.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 Maybe it's you who doesn't like you. very good point Vega, I feel the same as you. I feel like I am general a good person. Not perfect, but easy to get along with. I also battle with depression and I've learned to recognize that feeling insecure is just my depression. Or maybe we just suck and we don't see it
Author Vega Posted May 14, 2006 Author Posted May 14, 2006 You're right in a way. I don't like what I've become over the last few years. Can a baby be depressed? Even as a very young child - I mean a couple of years old - I was never able to make friends. Can a child not like themselves and be depressed before they even know what that means? I have always felt like an outsider because I've always been one. I was never part of any clicks, never invited to parties, was made fun of by others, and didn't even date until I was out of highschool. I did get married - to the first man who asked me, when I was 27. My whole life has been this way. I'm not very coordinated and not good at sports and in school I was always last picked (forced on) any teams and even though I tried - I was just never very good. I feel like Charlie Brown in that way. But there are lots of people the same way and they have friends and are welcome. I join company activities and will volunteer for the worst duties like clean-up because I can do that. I cheer people on and make a mean jello-shot, which people seem to enjoy. But I don't want to buy acceptance that way. So can a baby be born suffering from depression? How would one be able to diagnose and treat that? And if they are born that way and its not diagnosed for 45 years - how does one overcome that? Medication might help (I've been on prosac before during a very hard break-up) but how many years of intensive therapy would I need and would it work? I could be in therapy the rest of my life trying to not be depressed and that would depress me. Its embarassing to say because so many people say "just do this or just do that" and they think that is all it takes to change a person or make them feel better about themselves and that has an opposite effect, because the depressed person will feel even more low because they can't just change their diet or their routine feel 'normal' - all they can do is act normal so others think the person is OK, but they are only hiding it better. I don't know. I think being a dormat and trying to stay under the radar would be better and just live out the rest of my life that way.
Pyro Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 Man, I really feel for you. Some of what you described, you have described some of me. It use to get frustrating at times. Life throws alot of challenges our way. There are people out there who will like you. It just takes times. Besides a couple of childhood friends, most of my friends I have met in the past 3 years. From what you typed, you are a quality human being. Doesn't seem like we get that many now a days. Keep throwing yourself out there and you'll see. You will gain plenty of friends.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 Its embarassing to say because so many people say "just do this or just do that" and they think that is all it takes to change a person or make them feel better about themselves and that has an opposite effect, because the depressed person will feel even more low because they can't just change their diet or their routine feel 'normal' - all they can do is act normal so others think the person is OK, but they are only hiding it better. I can totally relate to this. When I was a little girl I used to have this fantasy that I was from outer space and noone knew and that is why I was different from everyone else. I went through high school not ever talking to anyone. I just sat and listened to everyone else. I was too scared to say anything for fear it would be stupid and people would think I was weird. I don't have alot of friends. Only close friends that I've known for a very long time. It's hard for me to make new friends because again, I always feel stupid around people I don't know. I finally went through a period of time where I got really fed up with feeling this way, and I totally came out of my shell. I moved to cali with my dad 2 days after I graduated and pretty much drank and smoked my way thru the next year. I smothered myself in alcohol and random sex. When I drank I was able to step outside myself and be loud and hyper and all the things I wanted to be sober but didn't have the courage. Now I'm stuck somewhere in between. I am in a very happy and stable relationship and that has helped ALOT! But I still have trouble making friends and feelings like I matter in this world. Having a baby helps alot too. I finally feel like I'm needed. I don't think I'll ever feel "normal" I don't know. I think being a dormat and trying to stay under the radar would be better and just live out the rest of my life that way. Remember that that is the depression talking and not you. I know lots of people suffering from depression that say after taking medication it's like a whole new world and you realize that you really do want help
Curmudgeon Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 I like you alright, even if you can be a little snarky. Of course, I shouldn't be here, right, but then I couldn't tell you that what you've described are a lot of very good, commendable and likable qualities. Maybe the "people" are just envious!
Tim'sAngel Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 LOL sorry vega, I accidently quoted you saying what i was saying
runner Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 I'm really not. I'm not a party animal, but I have a decent sense of humor, I am compassionate, I am supportive, I am friendly, I don't take advantage of people. I get my feelings hurt just like anyone else. I respect people, I work hard - not one to call in sick because its a nice day. I'm intelligent and educated. I smile. I even cook! I bring treats in to work for no reason at all - just because. I can be silly and fun. I can debate a good topic or make small-talk. I'm not a doormat and will stand up for myself and I'll apologize when I've done or said something wrong or if I offend someone and I'm sincere about it. I'm not rude or demanding. I'm not a drama-queen. I do some volunteer work and donate to charities when I can - like sponsoring people on walkathons or bikeathons. Why don't people like me? no offence but your rant kinda sounds as if 'people' owe you something. i'm not saying you are none of these qualities, but perhaps you need to just find people who appreciate you for what you are. for starters, try recognising the good in others around you and let them know about it. just keep putting yourself out there and ignore the trolls, eventually one good soul will recognise another.
Curmudgeon Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 Vega, a depressive disorder usually hits later in life but it can hit at a very early age as well. Before we married my wife described the very deep depressions she's suffered from, as early as she could recall, age 12. However, regressive hypnotherapy tells me they started much younger, by age two or three. One culminated in a serious suicide attempt about four years before we got together and married. It took four years of marriage and a number of episodes before I discerned a pattern and urged her to have a full, psychiatric evaluation. She did and it confirmed what I suspected. She's bipolar type 2. By that time she'd gone undiagnosed and untreated for at least 42 years, if not 50. Now she receives the medication she needs and it's made a huge difference in her/our life. I offer all that to show you that it's never too late and there could be a lot of help out there for you that you may wish to look into.
Author Vega Posted May 15, 2006 Author Posted May 15, 2006 Oh. I guess I can be sometimes. Sometimes I don't think what I write comes across as how I would say it too. I have developed a bad attitude about things over the last few years. Maybe on some level I do feel like I'm owed something - or more like I feel like it should be 'my turn' to have something good. Not from a person perhaps, but from the universe in general. I sometimes feel like 'why try' if I'm not going to reap any of what I sow. I guess I've become really selfish or self-absorbed. Instead of thinking only of others, I think of others and self and sometimes only of self. Perhaps I'm losing my compassion. They say you have to make your own breaks and not just 'catch a break' but I don't know how to make that happen. Hard work and honesty doesn't seem to be paying off for me.
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