stillafool Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 I am a MW involved in a EA with a MM. (my threads are all over the place) When I don't hear from him or try NC I think about him constantly and when I do hear his voice I still get butterflies. I was wondering if there are any OM out there who are involved in an A and if they constantly think about the OW and if they get butterflies also. Or is it just the women who suffer????
lovernotafighter Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 there isn't many a OM who post on here SAF. So all I can tell you is what my MM has done to prove to me that really is the case for him...I have wrote on here time and time again that my MM only responds to NC. and if he just thinks I'm ignoring him he goes bananas. but the sure fire way I know he gets a flutter is his eyes...he'll be staring at when we are together and because pie eyed like he has been drinking or something..it's actually quite cute.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 I think that they (MMs) think about us LESS than we think about them. Afterall, they are men who have a family.
eyeswideshut Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 My MM phoned me everyday after he told me he was going to counseling with his wife (before that, they were broken up, now they are back to being a couple). He told me that he couldn't get out of bed in the morning because he kept thinking about me at least for an hour before waking up. He kept playing and replaying in his head everything we ever did. He thinks of me and where I am and what I do every minute of the day, he told me this, he goes: right now it's 2, she's at work doing this, now she's running, now she's eating, now she's watching American Idol, etc... Yeah, i think the person who is cheating does think an awful lot about the other person. When I was with my fiance I was cheating on him (which is why I ended it with him) and especially when I was with my fiancee I would think of my lover. We'd go for rides and I'd make him pass in front of the places where I'd think my lover would hang out. Isn't that totally awful? When my MM told me he was going back to his wife, I went to visit my ex-fiance at his office which happens to have a view of the city, and i was looking for the house where my MM lives!!!! it's not easy being the OW but it's even worse to be the person cheating because of the constant confusion and the guilt feelings for feeling what we are feeling.
Author stillafool Posted May 14, 2006 Author Posted May 14, 2006 Thanks eyeswideshut. I think about my MM constantly and I know he has a wife and teenagers but I just wonder if he is thinking about me too. This is so,so hard.
Guest Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 I am a married and involved with another man. He tells me all the time that he cant stop thinking of me. I do think they feel the same, just dont want to admit it. Easier at hiding their feelings because they are men. I also think because we are "uncharted territory" so to speak, it is a big rush for them. I dont know, thats how I see it. I think my OM has more of an emotional tie than I do. But yes, I feel butterflies and think about our time together and I get that funny feeling, that good funny feeling. I know he feels the same.
rossm Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 I am a MW involved in a EA with a MM. (my threads are all over the place) When I don't hear from him or try NC I think about him constantly and when I do hear his voice I still get butterflies. I was wondering if there are any OM out there who are involved in an A and if they constantly think about the OW and if they get butterflies also. Or is it just the women who suffer???? I'm a MM/OM who is trying to shake an A with a MW/OW. Thanks to advice here on LS, I've been trying to go NC. Been about a week or so, so far. I do think of her every day. It hurts. She has not been with the NC program and constantly tries to contact me. Butterflies, yes. I want to be back with her so badly - the happy feelings; so hard to ignore. Must be strong. Trying. So no, in some cases, the men suffer also.
Blind Illusion Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 That's something I always wanted to know too. In the beginning, I would say yes as He woudl even leave work meeting to phone me and tell me he was thinking about me. I would have to say that I probably think about him more. Every once in awhile he would surprise me though and tell me about something and how that reminded him of me. (when we weren't together) I'm sure though, not as often as I think of him.
hokitika1246 Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 i smiled (not meanly) when i read this. maybe it's a woman thing to wonder! but the truth is, we can't ever see inside someone else's head. we don't know, we'll never know. how much is enough? and the deep, psychological question I want to ask is does it feel like it changes our worth if someone else thinks about us? We feel better if they do pine away, right? Back in the day, I dated men who would be in the moment (granted, this is dating, not an A) and not pine away for me when i wasn't around, all the way up the spectrum to men who obsessed over me. Looking back, the relationships were healthier overall with the former than the latter. These are my random, early-morning thoughts and they may not be relevant to you. It jsut occurred to me, though. Take a deep breath. Because you put so many question marks at the end and used the word "suffer" (that's an intense word), it's clear you're struggling now. Remember, nothing external to you can influence your overall goodness and value-- or as i say relentlessly to anyone who will listen, YOU'RE OKAY. take care.
hokitika1246 Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 I am a MW involved in a EA with a MM. (my threads are all over the place) When I don't hear from him or try NC I think about him constantly and when I do hear his voice I still get butterflies. I was wondering if there are any OM out there who are involved in an A and if they constantly think about the OW and if they get butterflies also. Or is it just the women who suffer???? I smiled (not meanly) when I read this. maybe it's a woman thing to wonder! But the truth is, we can't ever see inside someone else's head. we don't know, we'll never know. How much is enough? And the deep, psychological question I want to ask is does it feel like it changes our worth if someone else thinks about us? We feel better if they do pine away, right? Back in the day, I dated men who would be in the moment (granted, this is dating, not an A) and not pine away for me when i wasn't around, all the way up the spectrum to men who obsessed over me. Looking back, the relationships were healthier overall with the former than the latter. These are my random, early-morning thoughts and they may not be relevant to you. It just occurred to me, though. Take a deep breath. You put many question marks at the end and used the word "suffer" (that's an intense word), so it's clear you're struggling now. Remember, nothing external to you can influence your overall goodness and value-- or as I say relentlessly to anyone who will listen, YOU'RE OKAY. Take care.
Blind Illusion Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 and the deep, psychological question I want to ask is does it feel like it changes our worth if someone else thinks about us? We feel better if they do pine away, right? Back in the day, I dated men who would be in the moment (granted, this is dating, not an A) and not pine away for me when i wasn't around, all the way up the spectrum to men who obsessed over me. Looking back, the relationships were healthier overall with the former than the latter How true is that? I smiled also when i read this because as absurd as it sounds, I remember actually feeling so at ease when the MM mentioned thinking about me in some other context. This sounds totally out there but I'll mention it anyhow. There was even a time he mentioned something that his wife said sexually and he said it reminded him of conversations that we had. (I knew they still slept together at times). It's crazy but I was even a bit glad to know that I entered his mind at those times too. I guess i just wanted to be on his mind as he was on mine. You're right though. The more healthier relationships are like you mention.
Author stillafool Posted May 15, 2006 Author Posted May 15, 2006 and the deep, psychological question I want to ask is does it feel like it changes our worth if someone else thinks about us? We feel better if they do pine away, right? Maybe I think it does change my "worth" to him. That's so sick I know. I'm just having some bad days. One day I say he isn't worth it and I'm strong and then the sweet things start to enter my mind and I forget about what kind of guy he really is. My H is so wonderful and yet I can't get this MM out of my mind. To make matters worse, I don't think I'm the only OW. I'm only having an EA with him because we are so far away from each other (thank God) but I know he has had PA's also. (How recently I don't know). I do wish he were thinking about me as much as I think about him. I know it's wrong but I can't help it.
rossi Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 I'm a MM/OM who is trying to shake an A with a MW/OW. Thanks to advice here on LS, I've been trying to go NC. Been about a week or so, so far. I do think of her every day. It hurts. She has not been with the NC program and constantly tries to contact me. Butterflies, yes. I want to be back with her so badly - the happy feelings; so hard to ignore. Must be strong. Trying. So no, in some cases, the men suffer also. for how long it your affair? your wife knows about it.
zarathustra Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 I'm a MM/OM who is trying to shake an A with a MW/OW. Thanks to advice here on LS, I've been trying to go NC. Been about a week or so, so far. I do think of her every day. It hurts. She has not been with the NC program and constantly tries to contact me. Butterflies, yes. I want to be back with her so badly - the happy feelings; so hard to ignore. Must be strong. Trying. So no, in some cases, the men suffer also. Thanks Ross, for that post. Mine, I think wants me to renew a contract here, but I don't think its possible for me. Its hard feeling sad all the time. I don't like it at all! Its just so funny... sometimes when I feel the strongest, it hits me how weak I really am. I keep wanting to cry lately, but I really don't have reason to.
movinon05 Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Thanks Ross, for that post. Mine, I think wants me to renew a contract here, but I don't think its possible for me. Its hard feeling sad all the time. I don't like it at all! Its just so funny... sometimes when I feel the strongest, it hits me how weak I really am. I keep wanting to cry lately, but I really don't have reason to. Aw Zara, you can't be a rock all the time!! Sometimes you just have to let the feelings be what they are and then pull yourself up by your bootstraps again! It always takes me a day or two to do that myself! As for does the OM think of the OW?? I've gone round and round on this one. I know he does as we had talked about it in the past and now I'm sure of it again since he's started up again. But you know what? I really try not to dwell on that. Its bad enough he comes into my mind and its counterproductive for my own emotional well being to think about what he's thinking all that much. When I think about it, I just have to turn it off or remind myself to think "Good, I hope you're wallowing in your misery too for the decision you made!" Lol!
silentjuliet Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 I am a MW involved in a EA with a MM. (my threads are all over the place) When I don't hear from him or try NC I think about him constantly and when I do hear his voice I still get butterflies. I was wondering if there are any OM out there who are involved in an A and if they constantly think about the OW and if they get butterflies also. Or is it just the women who suffer???? I wonder the same thing. Although, my situation hasn't crossed any lines yet...I wonder if he thinks about me half as much as I think about him and if he ever misses me. I tend to think the worst and not believe anyone thinks about me as much as I think about someone I love.
zarathustra Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Aw Zara, you can't be a rock all the time!! Sometimes you just have to let the feelings be what they are and then pull yourself up by your bootstraps again! It always takes me a day or two to do that myself! As for does the OM think of the OW?? I've gone round and round on this one. I know he does as we had talked about it in the past and now I'm sure of it again since he's started up again. But you know what? I really try not to dwell on that. Its bad enough he comes into my mind and its counterproductive for my own emotional well being to think about what he's thinking all that much. When I think about it, I just have to turn it off or remind myself to think "Good, I hope you're wallowing in your misery too for the decision you made!" Lol! I find that the weekend helps normally, but the ahole asked if I don't renew if it would be because of him. I was hoping that he wouldn't bring us up again. I like it better if I just think that he's forgotten about me. Anyway, he doesn't look happy here either so I won't be surprised if he leaves and goes elsewhere. I think I would be ill if I decided to leave and then he leaves and ends up joining the same company I leave for. Its a small industry. I'm almost tempted to move out of country for my next job just to get away from it all. Australia, and New York City all sound like a place for me... I would go to Arizona just for WA... lol!!
movinon05 Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Oh gosh, she just told me that they have rattlesnakes that she kills and chops up with a shovel!! and they have scorpions and tarantulas, which she thinks are cute!! Aggggghhhhhhhhh. told her i wouldn't be visiting her too soon even though she said she'd protect me! I guess she's pretty good at it if she can handle a shovel like that!! lol! ewwwww
zarathustra Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Oh gosh, she just told me that they have rattlesnakes that she kills and chops up with a shovel!! and they have scorpions and tarantulas, which she thinks are cute!! Aggggghhhhhhhhh. told her i wouldn't be visiting her too soon even though she said she'd protect me! I guess she's pretty good at it if she can handle a shovel like that!! lol! ewwwww um... there wasn't any mention of tarantulas!! I'll just make a visit then. :lmao:
movinon05 Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 I just had a funny visual! I've always pictured WA with class and dignity. Can you picture her now chasing after a rattler with a bat and chopping it up with a shovel!! :lmao: Hey WA -
zarathustra Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 I just had a funny visual! I've always pictured WA with class and dignity. Can you picture her now chasing after a rattler with a bat and chopping it up with a shovel!! :lmao: Hey WA - I think a shovel is better than judo chopping the poor thing to death! I can see the shovel swatting, but not really the screaming of 'kia!' that's required when judo chopping things to death. :lmao: Girls!! I missed you all very much over the weekend. I wasn't around an internet connection to be able to chit chat and commisserate. Oh! How I suffered! *sniff* Hey... where's RC?
movinon05 Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 I think a shovel is better than judo chopping the poor thing to death! I can see the shovel swatting, but not really the screaming of 'kia!' that's required when judo chopping things to death. :lmao: Girls!! I missed you all very much over the weekend. I wasn't around an internet connection to be able to chit chat and commisserate. Oh! How I suffered! *sniff* Hey... where's RC? She's been missing in action as well.
zarathustra Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 She's been missing in action as well. I feel like doing the Rocky calling for Adrianne thing except replacing Adrianne with RC. :lmao:
movinon05 Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 I feel like doing the Rocky calling for Adrianne thing except replacing Adrianne with RC. :lmao: Hey, I'm right outside of Philly. I'll go run up the art museum steps after work and give a holler! Think she'll hear it up there?
zarathustra Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Hey, I'm right outside of Philly. I'll go run up the art museum steps after work and give a holler! Think she'll hear it up there? I'm hearing the song, "eye of the tiger" right now. I doubt she'll hear it though... I think she's out in the Manitoba. She's ma neighbour...
Recommended Posts