Guest Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 hello all, just wondering if anyone could suggest something here. It's not urgent (i'm past the breaking down stage!) but I'd be really interested to hear opinions. During summer, I obtained a new best friend, a guy whom I'd vaguely known for a year as a friend of a friend. We discovered we had an identical sense of humour, outlooks yadayada. Anyways, we hung out pretty much mainly with each other, he bought a airplane ticket from Asia to come to my party on time and basically acted like a puppy dog. Somehow we ended up dating back at uni, despte the fact that logically we were against it (religion clash and not enough physical chemistry). However it ended up really fun. We rarely argued, had loads of fun, loved being with each other, and the physical stuff started to grow. We knew it would have to end someday, although he seemed to think it would 'go on for years' (which panicked me somewhat inside). Anyways he was totally perfect as a bf, and dealt with helping me through health and family issues. Randimly one day, we decided to break up due to mutual issues of religious guilt, and were both quite cool about it, though he said to 'see how it goes' cos we might get back together. We fell straight into being best buds, and both were much happier like this- I think it was always best that way. However he was really busy that week, and I got a little pestery as I knew he'd been having home issues and had wanted to chat about them. Fast forward a week, and I notice he's hanging out with a new girl. Instantly I got very jealous (not usual for me at all!) and he said he could stop hanging out with her if it were a problem, and that he still loved me, but I knew I technically had no right to, as it would only be to 'keep him to myself' despite not being able to go out with him. The rest of the week I realised I was still very dependent emotionally on him, and became clingy. I could see how I was annoying him, and watched how he was getting interested in this girl without realising it, and falling out of love with me, whilst having no right to say anything as he'd told me 'there was nothing in it' and that 'you and me are in this together', and then told me off for having become distant and quiet after telling me off for being clingy. The next night, after clearing up a load of misunderstandings and thus making me feel better, he told me he wasn't sure he loved me anymore. That in one week of arguments, he'd forgotten what it feels like. The next day they started going out and he told me a few days later. He told me he hadn't told me before about his feelings cos I'd been so down, and that he'd never liked me in *that* way (a direct contradiction of 1 month before), but that I was still much more similar to him than his new gf. He told me if he'd known I'd have a problem with it he'd have delayed going out with her till I was okay (yet didn't tell me about her when I popped in earlier that week). He then maintained he still wasn't sure if he loved me or not. Anyways I was really upset and did LC (we attended the same events) then NC. I somehow felt betrayed, even though we split when he moved on. The one conversation we had 2 weeks later, when I said I was having issues with trust and honesty re him, he shouted down the phone that I was a bunch of problems (he'd never done that before) and that I should just 'let it all go', and that from his end, he hadn't done anything wrong. Anyways 3 months on, he's getting on great with the new gf (I had often suggested him to her as the one to go for when we were friends, but he said he didnt have any interest in her then) and they'll probably be long term. She ticks all the boxes re religion, attracting him etc and is a nice girl. If a split is mutual and made with the head, can the residual feelings just die in 2 weeks from his end? Mine have only died now after 3 months. And despite him wanting to be friends, I just can't see how one can be with someone who disregarded my feelings like that: friends don't do that. I'm now at a stage where I don't need him in my life. But is it worth going for this friendship, or shall I let it go?
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