FadeToBlack Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 My gf has told me a while back about her past sexual experiences, which was only a bj but its been like 3 or 4 months since shes told me and everyday i think about it and can't get it out of my mind. when im with her i think about it frequently, but its something i CANNOT talk to her about. I love her to death! Can anyone help or suggest something? Please be brutal if neccesary but don't make fun of me!
agnf666 Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Wow...Okay, the past is the past. Basically, and if all she did was a BJ then that is it. So, im guessing you want to get a little physical with her and don't know how to get it started or you want to know if she is hiding other things?
vampress1 Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 You do realize how much worse this could be right? 1 BJ... that's nothin'!! You should read some other posts about the "number talk"... it might make you feel better. I'm not sure if this will make you feel better or not, but here it goes... Often times girls opt for the bj because they don't want to have sex. My husband feels that BJ's are more intimate than actual intercourse... I disagree!! I don't want to say that most girls will agree with me, but I'm sure many would. Now lets talk about communication... You most certainly CAN talk to your girlfriend about this!!! In fact, you SHOULD! Be careful how you aproach it, however... you don't want to make her feel like she's in any way dirty. Before you talk to her, you need to figure out why it bothers you... is it because she is more experienced? Does the act itself bother you? Would it be better if she had actually had sex? May I ask how old you are? I'm guessing young because you were able to find someone with virtually no sexual history... let me just say this, if you maintain this mentality, you are going to make yourself miserable!!!
Tim'sAngel Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 You sound very younge I suggest holding on to this girl as long as u can, she will be one of the only ones over the age of 16 that is that inexperienced. If your under 16, then I don't know what to say
Author FadeToBlack Posted May 13, 2006 Author Posted May 13, 2006 Does the act itself bother you? Yes, I find it to be Vile and degrading. I cannot talk to her about it because a few days after she was raped. You guys are helping me, but does this make me a bad person?
vampress1 Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 woah! She was raped? I can't imagine anything worse! I'm so sorry for her! No, you are not a bad person. I'm guessing you are just very young. Your feelings about these situations will change with age and experience.
agnf666 Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 I think it is best not to bring it up. Since she was raped. That is so sad, and I feel so sorry for her. More or less she was probably pressured into giving that BJ. How old are the both of you if I may ask?
Walk Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Do you find BJ's vile and degrading, or the situation she was in? And if she had not control over the situation, or was forced into it, then why do you hold that against her? If it was out of her control, then you should be angry with the person who did this to her, not at her. If the BJ was a seperate instance, then I'm not sure I understand why you would feel it was disgusting. Can you clarify why and how you feel? Maybe we could help better by understanding you better.
Author FadeToBlack Posted May 13, 2006 Author Posted May 13, 2006 Do you find BJ's vile and degrading, or the situation she was in? And if she had not control over the situation, or was forced into it, then why do you hold that against her? If it was out of her control, then you should be angry with the person who did this to her, not at her. If the BJ was a seperate instance, then I'm not sure I understand why you would feel it was disgusting. Can you clarify why and how you feel? Maybe we could help better by understanding you better. I dont know what you mean? I find it discusting & Degrading because she had the guys dick in her mouth.....
suga Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Little boy...you will one day come to appreciate these things...but you are probably in high school still where your guy friends talk about how they will never go down on a girl and how a girl is nasty for going down on a guy...then when you get older you will be looking for it...girls mature faster than guys. Was the guy she gave the blow job to the one who raped her?
Author FadeToBlack Posted May 13, 2006 Author Posted May 13, 2006 Little boy...you will one day come to appreciate these things...but you are probably in high school still where your guy friends talk about how they will never go down on a girl and how a girl is nasty for going down on a guy...then when you get older you will be looking for it...girls mature faster than guys. Was the guy she gave the blow job to the one who raped her? Ok let me make this clear...Yes it was the guy who raped her, I have had sex with her many times, i have gone down on her many times. I love her to death, but the fact that she gave a blow job to another guy is why i am upset. I am not mad at her it just upsets me. I know i am a complete immature moron for being upset about this, but i am...i must have a mental illness.
agnf666 Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 The only thing we can tell you is your going to have to move on from this. I know it might be hard for you not to think about but, if you dump her because of that you will crush her. How can you be so angry at that. The guy raped her! If she could take it all back I bet she would!
suga Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Well as long as she wasnt doing it while she was with you then I dont see how you are upset with her...mabey you are jealous.
Author FadeToBlack Posted May 13, 2006 Author Posted May 13, 2006 Im not mad because she was raped!!!! i am upset because she gave another guy a blowjob.....i will not dump her because of it, its just something that is stuck in the back of my mind, i came her looking for advice on how to deal with it, but now all i feel like is that there is something wrong with me (and more then likely there is) and that im a complete jerk.
agnf666 Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Im not mad because she was raped!!!! i am upset because she gave another guy a blowjob.....i will not dump her because of it, its just something that is stuck in the back of my mind, i came her looking for advice on how to deal with it, but now all i feel like is that there is something wrong with me (and more then likely there is) and that im a complete jerk. No there is nothing wrong with you. We are just trying to tell you that you are going to have to move on with that. She didn't cheat on you with this guy, so you are going to have to gather your thoughts and move on with everyday life.
suga Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Well usually people dont like to hear how hot the last person that screwed there signifigant other is or all the details and how much they got off on it...so there is nothing wrong with you except really it is just a part of life and if all she did was give one blowjob then you dont have much to worry about...many people have screwed so many they lost count...like my stbxh and his number is close to 100...do I like thinking about it...no...but I even used to hang out with his ex girlfriends and him and his friends and I know they had sex.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 ok now I'm confused. So she was raped and had to give the guy head and this disgusts you? That is what I'm getting. If that is the case, then my God the girl prolly is disgusted w/herself. DO NOT bring this up to her!! It would be different if she cheated on you, but she had no control over it. And I agree with agnf666, you are just gonna have to move on. Be thankful that is all you have to deal with. Most everyone I know has like 10, 20 and even 50 people in there SO's past to deal with. Hug her, love her, tell her shes safe now. Focus on her needs and get your mind off of it.
Author FadeToBlack Posted May 13, 2006 Author Posted May 13, 2006 She wasnt forced to give a bj, but did and a few days later was raped but TimsAngel you are right, you have changed my attitude on it for some reason i dont know why but i feel much better! Thank you so much! :D :D
amerikajin Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 Other people here may say there's nothing wrong with what you're saying but I sure as hell don't mind telling you that there is something clearly wrong with how you're approaching this! Three or four months later and you're still obsessing about a blowjob that your girl had? Dude get the f*** over it! Most people have had sex by the time they're 18. You're lucky if you find someone who's 'pure'. Why not just accept the idea that your woman likes you and just enjoy the frickin relationship?! Added to that is the fact that you're obsessed about this while knowing that she was RAPED by this guy. Come on!!! Where's your sense of compassion here! You're making here out to be Hester Prynne. Get a grip is all I can say.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 Most people have had sex by the time they're 18. 18?? Try 15
Walk Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 I'm still confused... vile and disgusting because a dick was in her mouth. Or that it wasn't your dick in her mouth? I've found it sometimes helps to have more information to get over something. You'll have to pick a way to get that information without hurting your gf by doing it. But if you can learn anything about how she felt about it, what her thoughts on it are and how she feels about it. I dont' know if that would help you. Just a suggestion. You could try writing everything you think about it, get all your thoughts and feelings out on a piece of paper and then symbolically burn it. If I had to hazard a guess though, I think you're feeling insecure with the relationship. That may be why you're obsessing about this aspect. Its a symbol of the fact that she's had contact with other men in the past, and could have that kind of contact with them in the future. Its just an off the cuff thought... so take it with a grain of salt. But I would say normally when feeling secure in a relationship and with yourself, people don't obsess about a sex act their partner did with someone else prior to meeting them. If you can make the relationship stronger, this feeling might be less of a problem for you.
ronnieromance Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Im not mad because she was raped!!!! i am upset because she gave another guy a blowjob.....i will not dump her because of it, its just something that is stuck in the back of my mind, i came her looking for advice on how to deal with it, but now all i feel like is that there is something wrong with me (and more then likely there is) and that im a complete jerk. I'm going to have to be the jerk then...You've got issues you need to deal with. There are sexually active women in the world. Some of them have had more sex than you. It doesn't make them bad. It doesn't make you bad. But dwelling on it will make you mad, and that's not good. My advice is to find an older woman...someone who you won't be prone to fixate over. Find yourself a nice cougar... t3h cougar -R-
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