rskins64 Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Hi, I have been reading and reading all new and old posts. This is a wonderful site!! I guess you can figure out why I am here.... same ol' song - in love with a MM. This post is kinda long.... please forgive me for that..... We have never talked about his w - in fact the few times she has come up he gets agitated and asks me why I feel I need to know about his home life and what goes on there. For sake of argument I don't really answer. The problem is, if I ask him something personal, then he feels he has to ask me and he doesn't like to think of my situation - I am living with someone - not married. And me being with someone else really bothers him although he always likes to play the macho person and says nothing bothers him. I guess right now I am just in a frustrated period. we have been seeing each other for 14 mths - we work together - he works swing shift and I work 12 hr days. He says he cares a lot for me and sometimes he does show it with actions, however, he never asks me to do anything with him on our off days. Sometimes I just feel like I am a convenience for when he needs that extra attention and sex. I have never been in this type of relationship where one person is basically in control - it appears he controls the dynamics of the relationship. Everything seems to revolve around his work schedule for our time together. We talk on the phone only when he is at work - he calls me during his lunch break. We never talk on the phone or see each other on his days off. We have never been to lunch or on any kind of date. We bonded at work - he works every other saturday and I work every saturday. We just click. But I need more than he is willing to give and I just do not know what to do - I mean I know I should walk away, but I'm really not ready to do that. Just wanted to vent a little. Reading these posts has helped me not feel so alone with this situation. Most of the time I am ok with this, but when he just doesn't initiate things it gets to me. And lately, I am getting the feeling that he is very tight with his money - I have paid for a room 3 times and him only 1 and when I try to surprise him by getting a room, he spoils it and says he can't that night but won't tell me why - so nothing is spontaneous - has to be semi-planned, but he hates making plans because he says he gets very disappointed when the plans fall through. He has a son and he says he spends lots of time with him but I find it so hard to believe that he never has any free time that he could call me out of the blue or even see me for a few minutes. I always thought that if you want something you make time for it. Right now I thing he is kinda pulling away although he insists he isn't - but things aren't like they used to be. We used to find things to talk about, but now since he won't talk about things he does in his free time, what can we talk about? We don't do anything together so I can't say, you know I really enjoyed it when we did........ nor can I say I am looking forward to dinner or etc..... Maybe some of you can relate to this??? Thanks for letting me vent!!
yesmaybe Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 You probably already know this...but this man is NOT in love with you. And it seems that he doesn't want you to get closer, which is why he is pulling away more. You're in a real predicament, because you see him at work. This will make NC (no contact) difficult. The good news is...you are probably not in love with him. Instead, you are limerent . Or, in other words, mildly delusional and somewhat obsessed. He probably brings intimacy and excitement into your life that you are loathed to give up. But him as a person - you probably wouldn't walk the line for him. It's hard to stop limerent feelings for someone. And personally, I happen to believe that resisting something so powerful can often backfire. But, you can start doing things that "trick" your emotions into getting over him more quickly. Best thing is to date multiple men, so your attention can be more reasonably split amongst several people. However, you may really want to keep the drama and pain of being in a relationship with this distant, hurtful MM. You may dream of him falling in love with you one day and may want to keep plodding on. You are an adult, so you're free to make whatever choice you like. But to me, this sounds like an uphill battle that has a strong probability of failing. But, without a doubt, this man doesn't love you. He doesn't respect you. Not even sure if he even likes you. But he sure as hell enjoys using you for his own needs.
lovernotafighter Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 I believe this is how he is keeping you interested in him...he remains mysterious and just out of your reach. I think you should pull back and don't ask him zilch...be aloof and complacent...if you want to know how he feels this is how you find out...answer nothing...offer nothing,no explanation..if you see him be friendly but brief...you are a busy woman..he doesn't and should not think you are thinking about him all the time. do this and for good or bad you will know whats going on. if he doesn't panic and come after you..you can bet it's over..if he does keep playing this card till he tells you on his own what is going on. men don't respond to words...they respond to no contact.
Walking away Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 HMMMM.... LNF... Where have I read those words? Hugs WA
lovernotafighter Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 HMMMM.... LNF... Where have I read those words? Hugs WAlol! darn tootin! the truest words in "why men love bitches" my sister is coming to borrow this book from me :-) *hugs to you 2*
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