AlwaysHope Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 i've been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. we have been mostly happy (he has a horrible temper, though), and have been talking about getting engaged. he graduated from college last week and is starting medical school this fall. a few weeks ago we were at a coffee shop studying and he was writing an Email. i went over to say hi and he very quickly minimized it and pretended that he wasn't even writing one. this was a little weird to me. later, he asked me to check his Email for him (he has given me his passwords), and while i was checking my curiosity got the better of me and i decided to look at his Sent messages to see what he was hiding from me. the message he had sent was an apology for being late with a project for some professor at the university, and was FULL of little white lies. the main reason it really bothered me was that he used ME as one of his excuses, saying that he had been out of town because my grandparents were "about to die." that is an absolute lie; my grandparents are perfectly fine!!! i briefly checked a few more of his outgoing messages, and found many of them to be apologies for being irresponsible or late for something. he had made up an array of lies to explain himself. he has also told people he has been accepted to some medical schools where he didn't actually get in, and told my mother that he was graduating Phi Beta Kappa when that was also untrue. we're on the verge of making a lifetime commitment, and i just now find out that he tells all these little lies. if he's lying to his professors, his friends, and my family, isn't he probably lying to me??? there are a lot of holes in his stories that i've forgiven because i love him and thought i could trust him. now i'm not sure i can trust him, and it's causing all kinds of problems (especially since we're long-distance right now). i know there is someone out there who would be truthful with me. i feel like i can't get an honest answer out of my boyfriend, and i'm very scared. any advice would be appreciated immensely!!!!!
agnf666 Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Hmmm... That doesn't sound good at all. I mean he basically opened that can of worms on his self, since he gave you his password for his email. I know it would be awkwars to day something, but I would say "I didn't know my grandparents are dieing?". You need to say something if you ever want to have a future with this guy. His lying is not good, there could be alot of other things he his hiding. Or there is something else going on with him, maybe he is really depressed or something. You need to confront him about it. He basically let you into his email so, he gave you that open invitation to look at anything that might be in there.
TheSwordfish Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 This thread seems familiar. Dump the guy, this will get worse.
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 He has issues and they're only going to get worse as he gets older...UNLESS he gets help or figures out he can't go around bulls***ting all the time. Sooner or later it will come back and bite him in the ass! Ha, maybe that is exactly what has to happen for him to learn! I don't know...I think you should talk to him and let him know that you saw those emails. So what if he gets pissed at you - If you plan on marrying the guy, he needs to change, and also learn how to control his temper...Cuz that will only get worse in later in life too if he doesn't learn how to deal with things in a mature and sensible way.
Brittanyjean06 Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 I am surprised that he gave you his password, if I had gotten the password the first thing I would have done was read everything, not because I don't trust me but I am a very curious person lol that is bad, I can't stand liars I was with one for 2 1/2 years their terrible, because they never admit to the truth they just keep bundiling up on lies until the person finds them belieavable about him lying to the professor, in that case I find that a little understandable because some people who aren't liars do lie a little bit to teachers but the other stuff? yeah I think that shows his character, It shows that he would have no problem lying to you.. I don't know how these people come up with lies and think its allright. but its not
Fun2BMe Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 He might have low self esteem. The worst liars tell lies that are for no reason. Some people lie to cover their tracks. In his situation, he lies to make himself seem more important such as the lie he told your mother that he graduated with honors when he didn't. Maybe he is trying to impress her and thinks that he is not good enough to win her over. As to the professor, everyone lies to their teachers now and then. "The dog ate my homework." I'm not excusing him, but look at it in a bigger context and try to find out to what extent he lies. Few people are honest 100% of the time. Not all of us have our SO's email password to find out what they are up to. For all we know, they could be recieving and sending naked pics to other women. In your case, it is a small white lie so find out to what extent and how often he lies.
agnf666 Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 So, I looked up the past threads by the Alwayshope... let me just say, I think you need to confront him now and move on. You have been waiting long enough on this one!
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Hi AlwaysHope, I know what you are going through. And I am sure that him being a liar is only one of several red flags. A person who can lie through their teeth (ie. without remorse, as a means to an end, etc) is not going to be a good husband or BF. Listen to your gut feelings about this guy! In case your gut feelings are being muffled by your 'love' for him, let me state the obvious, just from reading your post: 1. He is a liar. he's even lied to your family! He lies to authority! 2. He will lie and blame others for his inadequacies. You are only his GF now, and he is already tarring your image for his shyt? 3. He will not be responsible for his own actions. It will always be other people's fault. Do you really want to be his punching bag? 4. He elevates his image by putting you down. Need I say more? 5. He doesn't respect you... otherwise he wouldn't use you like this. 6. He thinks that he's smarter than you... hence, he didn't think much about giving you his password. (BTW, I don't know why people are surprised by this... arrogance is the hallmark of a pathological liar - think Scott Peterson.) 7. He doesn't love you. He loves the image of being associated with you... and he loves himself. Sorry for being harsh. But I thought you wanted the truth. Good luck. You do deserve so much more.
MadDog Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Let's not forget the terrible temper. Who wants to be with someone who will yell/throw things, etc just because they got upset? A bad temper is a definite deal breaker for me. I don't even see how people can stand being in relationships with someone who has a "bad temper." "Bad temper" = immature a**h*** or crazy bitch in my opinion.
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