I wish I had known the warning signs of an Emotional Affair.

[aktieb0cka]

Here is my emotional affair gone bad:

I met MM three years ago at work, briefly. At the time I was 22 and he 25. I was taking by his intelligence thought he was nice and never really thought about him again. I started to deal with him a little bit more and we casually conversed nothing crazy just stupid stuff. I found out he was married and had a son. I was in a committed relationship (and living with) as long as he was married. Over the course of the year we kinda lost touch. Then I find out he was hospitalized with a heart condition. He finally returned to work and I fell horrible that we had lost touch. I tried to remain in contact for the rest of the year and it we lost contact again. Six months later, we had a project to work on. This is when he proceeds to tell me that his marriage is becoming difficult and he didn’t know what to do. His wife is bi-polar and unpredictable. I had explained the same issue and we had discussed that counseling would be helpful. He told me that his wife was unresponsive and unwilling to go. I never went either and life went on for another 5 months without contact. I had assumed everything was working well.

 

Right after Thanksgiving I began working with him part time. We had expressed them same issues were still going on and nothing that we were doing was helping. We tried to help each other and listen. Then I had a suspicion that he had crush on me and I started to have a crush for him but never mentioned it. We decided to meet for a Christmas drink and my boyfriend was supposed to meet him. My boyfriend was a no show. MM and I spent an hour together, hugged and wished each other a Merry Christmas. I was sent an email the day after Christmas and it was friendly and just wished me a good holiday.

 

I decided on New Years Eve to send him an email stating that I was glad I had met him, he was such a good friend and I felt we met to late in life. I also told him I understood that nothing could ever happen between us because of the obvious. He replied stating he had the same thoughts as well. I decided to meet him a week later, just to discuss with him what had happened. Neither of us mentioned it and we proceeded as normal. I had not seen him for a month and we had this yearly sales meeting. He walked me to my car as we discussed work related stuff, kissed me on the lips got into his car and drove away. I was baffled but never said anything about it again.

 

We continued to work together until one night I was working there answering phones, he was there earlier. He left and never said good bye. I thought it was weird and just blew it off. Then I get a phone call from him who tells me his son wanted to talk to someone and he called me up. I told him he was crazy and that this is not a good idea. I could hear him in the background telling his son what to say. His son is 4. I was devastated because I thought it was improper. One of the ladies at worked started teasing me and him and said we were having an affair. I got so offended. I then called him up the next day at work and told him we need to discuss what happened the night earlier. We met at a local bar and had discussed a lot of stuff but we ultimately decided that we were to stay friends and that was it. I was fine.

 

I went home and woke up the next morning to an email telling me he was in love with me and wanted to be with me. Then I got another email stating that he ripped apart our friendship and that he was so sorry. I was so filled with mixed emotions but I sent him an email telling him how I felt and that we had a lot in common and that I wanted to be with him as well.

I never heard from him until 4 days later, we discussed that we would go out with a bunch of people for St Patty’s day. It was all fun and then he started to discuss my email. He told me he didn’t know how to go about being with me and starting a relationship. I told him that it beats me and I wasn’t sure either. He finally asked to kiss me and I looked at him and told him he was crazy. I just hugged him and just rested my head on his chest. Finally, we just kissed and it was the best kiss I ever had. I knew right there that we just screw the whole thing up. He decided to tell one of my co workers that this is it. He was on cloud nine and only wanted to be with me and didn’t know how to go about it. We decided to leave with a bunch of coworkers and drop them off. We then had the discussion of our “plan to be together.” We decided to spend our first and only night together and tell our spouses that we were leaving. The next morning was so emotional as we both told them. I decided not to see him that evening because it just was so bad and I was emotional.

The next day my boyfriend decides to visit him at work and tries to get an understanding of what happened and what was going on. He comes back to me and tells me that MM used me and that he only told me that MM said what he said to get me into bed. I was devastated and I sent MM and email basically stating, if he want out with me please say it now, so I can walk away. We had small conversations during that week and I just decided to meet him at work and I spoke to him for four hours. Basically I was told, mentally I am with you, but I don’t know how to get to you physically. Two weeks later I was told, this is for the best but I am trying to work it out with my wife. I told him I happy for him and I walked away, both emotionally and physically.

This was two months ago and we still talk and email, but we have never mentioned what happened again. I was only told that his intentions were never to hurt me. I am trying to walk away from that and everything that we had, but it isn’t easy. I think everyday without him I get worse. I just miss my friend and I want him back.

[FONT=&quot]My boyfriend moved back in and we are trying to work things out. We are struggling, I am struggling with the feelings that I have for this other man. I wish I had saw the signs early on. I know I learned my lesson and part of me still really thinks he cares, but I never ever want to go thought that again or put anybody else though it.

 

[/FONT]

[Guitar Wizard]

Here is my emotional affair gone bad:

I met MM three years ago at work, briefly. At the time I was 22 and he 25. I was taking by his intelligence thought he was nice and never really thought about him again. I started to deal with him a little bit more and we casually conversed nothing crazy just stupid stuff. I found out he was married and had a son. I was in a committed relationship (and living with) as long as he was married. Over the course of the year we kinda lost touch. Then I find out he was hospitalized with a heart condition. He finally returned to work and I fell horrible that we had lost touch. I tried to remain in contact for the rest of the year and it we lost contact again. Six months later, we had a project to work on. This is when he proceeds to tell me that his marriage is becoming difficult and he didn’t know what to do. His wife is bi-polar and unpredictable. I had explained the same issue and we had discussed that counseling would be helpful. He told me that his wife was unresponsive and unwilling to go. I never went either and life went on for another 5 months without contact. I had assumed everything was working well.

 

Right after Thanksgiving I began working with him part time. We had expressed them same issues were still going on and nothing that we were doing was helping. We tried to help each other and listen. Then I had a suspicion that he had crush on me and I started to have a crush for him but never mentioned it. We decided to meet for a Christmas drink and my boyfriend was supposed to meet him. My boyfriend was a no show. MM and I spent an hour together, hugged and wished each other a Merry Christmas. I was sent an email the day after Christmas and it was friendly and just wished me a good holiday.

 

I decided on New Years Eve to send him an email stating that I was glad I had met him, he was such a good friend and I felt we met to late in life. I also told him I understood that nothing could ever happen between us because of the obvious. He replied stating he had the same thoughts as well. I decided to meet him a week later, just to discuss with him what had happened. Neither of us mentioned it and we proceeded as normal. I had not seen him for a month and we had this yearly sales meeting. He walked me to my car as we discussed work related stuff, kissed me on the lips got into his car and drove away. I was baffled but never said anything about it again.

 

We continued to work together until one night I was working there answering phones, he was there earlier. He left and never said good bye. I thought it was weird and just blew it off. Then I get a phone call from him who tells me his son wanted to talk to someone and he called me up. I told him he was crazy and that this is not a good idea. I could hear him in the background telling his son what to say. His son is 4. I was devastated because I thought it was improper. One of the ladies at worked started teasing me and him and said we were having an affair. I got so offended. I then called him up the next day at work and told him we need to discuss what happened the night earlier. We met at a local bar and had discussed a lot of stuff but we ultimately decided that we were to stay friends and that was it. I was fine.

 

I went home and woke up the next morning to an email telling me he was in love with me and wanted to be with me. Then I got another email stating that he ripped apart our friendship and that he was so sorry. I was so filled with mixed emotions but I sent him an email telling him how I felt and that we had a lot in common and that I wanted to be with him as well.

I never heard from him until 4 days later, we discussed that we would go out with a bunch of people for St Patty’s day. It was all fun and then he started to discuss my email. He told me he didn’t know how to go about being with me and starting a relationship. I told him that it beats me and I wasn’t sure either. He finally asked to kiss me and I looked at him and told him he was crazy. I just hugged him and just rested my head on his chest. Finally, we just kissed and it was the best kiss I ever had. I knew right there that we just screw the whole thing up. He decided to tell one of my co workers that this is it. He was on cloud nine and only wanted to be with me and didn’t know how to go about it. We decided to leave with a bunch of coworkers and drop them off. We then had the discussion of our “plan to be together.” We decided to spend our first and only night together and tell our spouses that we were leaving. The next morning was so emotional as we both told them. I decided not to see him that evening because it just was so bad and I was emotional.

The next day my boyfriend decides to visit him at work and tries to get an understanding of what happened and what was going on. He comes back to me and tells me that MM used me and that he only told me that MM said what he said to get me into bed. I was devastated and I sent MM and email basically stating, if he want out with me please say it now, so I can walk away. We had small conversations during that week and I just decided to meet him at work and I spoke to him for four hours. Basically I was told, mentally I am with you, but I don’t know how to get to you physically. Two weeks later I was told, this is for the best but I am trying to work it out with my wife. I told him I happy for him and I walked away, both emotionally and physically.

This was two months ago and we still talk and email, but we have never mentioned what happened again. I was only told that his intentions were never to hurt me. I am trying to walk away from that and everything that we had, but it isn’t easy. I think everyday without him I get worse. I just miss my friend and I want him back.

[FONT=&quot]My boyfriend moved back in and we are trying to work things out. We are struggling, I am struggling with the feelings that I have for this other man. I wish I had saw the signs early on. I know I learned my lesson and part of me still really thinks he cares, but I never ever want to go thought that again or put anybody else though it.

 

[/FONT]

 

Well, not to be harsh or rude in any way but...

 

Anyone could see that your "Friend" is a total flake.

 

And, your very lucky your boyfriend took you back.

 

And, it really does sound like all he wanted was to get in your pants.

 

And... thats that.

[aktieb0cka]

No I agree. It truly does stink, but it seems to be the case.

[lovernotafighter]

did he really tell his wife he was leaving then....or did he lie to you about that as well...I'm just a tad confused

[aktieb0cka]

Part of me may believe he did not tell her. Every time I ask him, he replies yes and gets all annoyed that I have asked him so many times. He knows BF knows because BF confronted him. I had called the location that he works at for another person, knowing he was off. His wife answered. I told her who I was and she transfered the call. She never said a word to me, but MM told me that she did want to call me after he told her and he felt that it was a bad idea. I told MM, tell her to call me, I will tell her whatever she needs to know.

 

After I spoke to his wife that day, I called him up. I told him he was disrespectful to have hired his wife and never given me a warning. He never said a word. I really gave it to him. I told him I called there and she never said a word to me. He told me that she does not have a vendetta against me. That is what makes me believe that she does not know!

[Touche]

What difference does it make whether she knows or not? What you're doing is despicable and wrong. Stop it now! Too many people will be hurt. Don't you care about that? He's not YOURS. He belongs to his wife. And even if he leaves her, he will not stay with you. He might f*** you, yes. But that's all he'll want from you.

[rossm]

Oh boy. I see claws a comin'

[Touche]

Oh boy. I see claws a comin'

 

Nope. No claws. Just telling it like it is.

[aktieb0cka]

Honestly, I don’t give a crap that if she knows or not. That is her problem if she believes him or not. That is now between them. I clearly understand how it is. I may have not known then and I got sucked in just like every OW. I made a mistake. I learned my lesson and I have not gone back. I feel that some how I will get my punishment. I know he belongs to her, but it seems that he doesn’t see that and that is a problem that he needs to work out. He absolutely made that clear to me by his actions and I am not that stupid. I now have to worry about myself. I do feel bad for his wife and his son, but he has to step up and be responsible for his involvement, as well. I am not taken fully responsibility for this. We are both adults. I absolutely feel for his child more that anyone else in this situation. So, he screwed me, I am not going to sit around and cry about it. I am going to learn and move on.

 

I just hope my story will help others realize the severity of emotional affairs and how little things blow up to become something much more serious, in the blink of an eye.

[Touche]

Honestly, I don’t give a crap that if she knows or not. That is her problem if she believes him or not. That is now between them. I clearly understand how it is. I may have not known then and I got sucked in just like every OW. I made a mistake. I learned my lesson and I have not gone back. I feel that some how I will get my punishment. I know he belongs to her, but it seems that he doesn’t see that and that is a problem that he needs to work out. He absolutely made that clear to me by his actions and I am not that stupid. I now have to worry about myself. I do feel bad for his wife and his son, but he has to step up and be responsible for his involvement, as well. I am not taken fully responsibility for this. We are both adults. I absolutely feel for his child more that anyone else in this situation. So, he screwed me, I am not going to sit around and cry about it. I am going to learn and move on.

 

I just hope my story will help others realize the severity of emotional affairs and how little things blow up to become something much more serious, in the blink of an eye.

 

"Little things" only blow up to become more serious in the "blink of an eye" as you say, IF YOU LET THEM. It just doesn't happen by accident.

[aktieb0cka]

"Little things" only blow up to become more serious in the "blink of an eye" as you say, IF YOU LET THEM. It just doesn't happen by accident.

Sure, if you let them. Sometimes you are blind and don't see them. Then you wake up and it is too damn late. I am lucky to be one those woman who realized this and did not let this go on for years.

 

I am curious, were you an OW or BS?

[whichwayisup]

Honestly, I don’t give a crap that if she knows or not. That is her problem if she believes him or not. That is now between them. I clearly understand how it is. I may have not known then and I got sucked in just like every OW. I made a mistake. I learned my lesson and I have not gone back. I feel that some how I will get my punishment. I know he belongs to her, but it seems that he doesn’t see that and that is a problem that he needs to work out. He absolutely made that clear to me by his actions and I am not that stupid. I now have to worry about myself. I do feel bad for his wife and his son, but he has to step up and be responsible for his involvement, as well. I am not taken fully responsibility for this. We are both adults. I absolutely feel for his child more that anyone else in this situation. So, he screwed me, I am not going to sit around and cry about it. I am going to learn and move on.

 

I just hope my story will help others realize the severity of emotional affairs and how little things blow up to become something much more serious, in the blink of an eye.

 

Good for you for seeing the whole picture and getting out of that situation forever!

[aktieb0cka]

Good for you for seeing the whole picture and getting out of that situation forever!

Yes, somewhat lucky, now I just have to deal with the fact they are both now my co-workers. Isn't funny how life works out. At least I have a sense of humor.