Lishy Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 I have met this really nice guy - We have seen each other five times and we are going out tomorrow night and he is staying at my place all night! The question is this .... This guy COULD be a stayer, so how far should I let it go? When I kiss him it is so nice and he is really gentle and affectionate and after a few drinks I may want to have sex with him BUT will it screw things up? He has not been a bit crude or spoken to me in a way that tells me he is just out to screw me. I know he is really into me by his actions and words. I am out of touch and I dont want to screw this up before it has really started - If I have sex with him will I ruin what could be a good thing? Help!!!!!!!!!!
Big_A Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Do not over think having sex with him. If you would like to have sex, then do it. If you do not want to then don't. I consider myself a nice guy and I would be respectful if a girl did not want to have sex, but I would eventually think that she didn't like me that much. Again, don't over think it, just do what feels right.
Yamaha Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 how far should I let it go? AS far as you both want it to go. If you both feel the time is right then having sex will not screw up your relationship but if one of you isn't ready then it might put up a barrier. If your not sure then I would wait.
Walk Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Have you asked him what his views are on sex? Or have you two talked about it much? You could probably get a fairly good idea how he'd react by understanding how he views sex. Five dates would roughly be a month? Personally, I'd just go into the evening with no expectations. If it happens, great, if not, well.. there's later. But don't get too stressed about whether it'll damage your relationship long term or anything. You're both adults, it's not like you two met last night. Try to have fun and go with the flow. I highly doubt he'd think badly of you for wanting to get in his pants. He's probably stressing about the same thing right now. Wondering if he makes a move if you'll think he's only there for sex... or you'll freak and hate him, or he'll ruin his chances with you forever. I bet he is stressing out about it, right now. Except he's wondering if you'll be impressed with his package, or dissappointed.
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Don't sleep with him yet. Just enjoy kissing, the fooling around. I say, never rush a good thing. Let it build up! Let him antisipate.
Author Lishy Posted May 13, 2006 Author Posted May 13, 2006 What brilliant advice! I guess I am scared cos I ended up being a FWB with a guy who showed loads of interest until we had sex, then it became about just sex! Mind you he was completely different! He was always telling me how he wanted to f*** me and blah blah blah it was very sex orientated before we even did the deed! Two very different guys!
Author Lishy Posted May 13, 2006 Author Posted May 13, 2006 I have been seeing him for 2 weeks but he calls every night and we text each other all day - We just laugh and have fun and he has not once pushed me to go any further. He does not have overly,annoying wandering hands and I really do not believe he is just after sex! I am not thinking I definately want to have sex with him I was just wondering what you all thought if we did end up having sex because it was a mutual thing tomorrow night! If i dont feel comfortable I wont, end of story! And I am sure if I didnt he wouldnt be put off as I do not believe that is all he wants! I read so much about making a guy wait and want you and to get in their head before you get in their bed! But a girl has needs!!!!!!!!!! I just dont wanna screw this up and I wanted to ask advice before the horse has bolted and not after which is normal for me!
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Never rush a good thing...The wait for both of you could be great! Like teens again!
Walk Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 If it were me in your situation, I would wait. But I really enjoy the anticipation aspect. The getting to know the person's mind before their body. Learning what aspects about sex turn them on, how they think about it, what moves them, and what doesn't. To me that is the biggest turn on. So when it does happen, it feels like there's more intimacy, more closeness. He has a better understanding of what I like and vice versa. And instead of the overwhelming sense of "is he gonna like this", I can enjoy the moment more. Like whether he enjoys it when a woman dictates position, or speed... or if that would turn him off. That's just me though. I know everyone's different, and I don't think there's anything wrong with sex at the stage of relationship your at. But I would be concerned about health risks, std's and his past sexual history and how it could affect you. I really believe if you haven't talked about those kinds of issues, then neither of you are ready to have sex yet.
Author Lishy Posted May 13, 2006 Author Posted May 13, 2006 We have spoken about past relationships as we have spoken for hours and hours - He has had sex with 2 girls - Both LTR's He has never had a ONS and nor have I - I dont consider my FWB to be a ONS as it lasted a year and I know he didnt sleep around either. I agree that we should wait - It will be far more exciting - It will just be so nice to fall asleep in his arms. I miss a cuddle so much! To Walk and WWIU - Your advice is great BUT how far would it be ok to go?
Author Lishy Posted May 13, 2006 Author Posted May 13, 2006 I am just asking for a guide, not so that I can plan it! Its advice in general I need!
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 To Walk and WWIU - Your advice is great BUT how far would it be ok to go? "How low can go you..." just popped into my head and now I can't stop singing it! Honestly? Do everything BUT the deed. Oral, kissing, fingering (stay out of the ass for now! lol!!!) jerking off, all of it. Get comfy with him. Masterbate together, do all that stuff (either all in one night, or spread it out over afew weekends and sleepovers) and then DO IT. But, if you get to a point where you can't take it anymore and the mood is right, go for it! Guess it all depends on how things go in bed! I'm tired, I'm having gas stinkbombs tonight and having trouble concentrating. Sorry, I feel like I'm all over the map!
Walk Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 I think you should just go with your gut on this one. Don't rule out sex, and keep your options open. If you feel comfortable with him, you've had the basic talk, and it's something you want to do, then do it. If he's agreed to spend the night, then I would assume he realizes it could lead to sex. If he was opposed to it, then he wouldn't agree to staying the night, or he would've stated up front that he didn't want sex. I was just trying to say how I would handle it, but I'm really gunshy and screwed up in the head when it comes to sex. You however, still have a healthy mentality about it and are quite capable of making a good judgement of this man. Don't pass up a wonderful night out of fear of "blowing it". Otherise you'll kick yourself in the butt later for passing it up.
Mary3 Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Lishy Girl You are beautiful and of course this man would want to make love to you,.... If it feels right and right for both of you , then don't deny yourself the pleasure. Will it ruin what you have ? I think if sex is all he wants then eventually he will walk away,. But:bunny: If he loves being with you then sex is an added PLUS !
MadDog Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Just go with the flow Lishy. If he's genuinely interested in you and from everything you've said, it sounds like he is, you shouldn't have any reservations about going all the way as long as it feels right. There's not point in playing games and pulling back if you don't want to.
justagirliegirl Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 What does being a "keeper" mean? Of course he wants to have sex with you. That is probably a big reason he is dating you. Something else to think about. Is he dating others and does he plan to? I think these are things that need to be discussed before so you don't end up being someone's FB. Honestly, I think you should wait a little while longer to get to know him better and know his intentions before sleeping with him. Once you do the deed, things tend to get clouded with those lusty feelings. No, I wouldn't let him spend the night yet nor would I do any other sexual acts with him yet.
Noos Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Three to four weeks with the same intensity of contact. I think that's fair enough. My sister once made a guy wait six weks. They have been married for eight years and are expecting their second child in a month!
blind_otter Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Right. And I know a couple that f***ed on the first date, got married 3 months later, have two children and have been married over 25 years. Everyone is different.
animo Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I read so much about making a guy wait and want you and to get in their head before you get in their bed! The people writing this need to be put out of their misery by a crowbar to the back of the head... no offence. They teach women how to play "games"... Any self respecting man will walk away from games in no time at all. If i pick up any kind of "games" from a woman they are definitely losing respect FAST. Why? Well because they need some stupid rule-set or magazine to tell them what they should do, ie, they can't judge nor think for themselves... this doesn't say much about your wits and maturity. In terms of orginiality or spontaneity they are about on the same level as "pick up artists"... While that may be an incorrect assumption. You may be very mature in your ideas and have a fair ability to judge but you are somehow confused about "guys" maybe somewhat insecure, so you let it get into your head that you need to play games. Well this is your loss, guys with a brain won't put up with it. You have to be smarter than that! Do whatever you feel like when you feel like it. You shouldn't feel pressured, not limited. Both are "bad". So how do you know the right time? Look inside yourself, what does your desire tell you? And what objections does your brain have? Does your brain have objections in terms of "hmmm i get a feeling like he's not genuine" or more like "ohno! we can't have sex, he'll dump me!"... learn to distinguish between actual reasons and red flags and imagined ones! Unfortunately this "make him wait" and other games are being kept alive because they are self fulfilling prophecies. Guy meets girl, guy wants girl, girl plays games, guy gets sick of games and moves on, girl tells herself he was only in it for the sex so he left and her "games" worked.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I just read all the posts on here and its funny because the men say "go for it!!" and the women are saying to wait
MadDog Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I just read all the posts on here and its funny because the men say "go for it!!" and the women are saying to wait Why are you cock-blocking?
Walk Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 HEY!!!!!!!!!! I was really trying to ride the fence on this one!!! Honestly though, I think Lishy's got enough common sense to know when the time is right for something like this. So her choice is going to be the best for her situation. (see I did a good job of riding the fence again... see.. )
Tim'sAngel Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 Why are you cock-blocking? HEYY!! I didn't say one way or the other!! You guys are just trying to get a brutha laid!!
Lonestar Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 I have met this really nice guy - We have seen each other five times and we are going out tomorrow night and he is staying at my place all night! The question is this .... This guy COULD be a stayer, so how far should I let it go? When I kiss him it is so nice and he is really gentle and affectionate and after a few drinks I may want to have sex with him BUT will it screw things up? He has not been a bit crude or spoken to me in a way that tells me he is just out to screw me. I know he is really into me by his actions and words. I am out of touch and I dont want to screw this up before it has really started - If I have sex with him will I ruin what could be a good thing? Help!!!!!!!!!! Hey Lishy! What's up, girl? How long of a period has the 5 times you've seen him spanned? I'd say if it's been a month, go ahead and sleep with him, but if you saw him 5 times in a week, then no. I'd wait. I know it's hard, but I have a ton of male friends and all of them have told me that they lose respect for a girl who sleeps with them too quickly. They want it and they won't turn it down, and that doesn't mean they don't like the girl, but we all want what we can't have and making a guy wait a bit for sex, builds up the anticipation - like waiting for the ketchup to come out of the bottle.
Noos Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 Boys The games have been developed because you guys have double standards. It's okay for you to f*** a girl early on but you usually dump the girl who does it.
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