lostsmile Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 I'm the one that had EA with MM. I'm also MW. We had worked together for a year. Started out emotional for 3 years, then turned physical for another 3 years. Both spouses found out. We were forced to end things immediately. He stayed at his job and still works there. My husband told me to quit that day. I was scared so I did. I guess I thought that MM might come after me. Of course that didn't happen. He was scared too. That was first and only EA I have ever had. Was first and only EA he has ever had - and yes, I believe him. We all live in small town community and live about 5 miles apart - in the country. He drives by my house every day on the way to work and back home. He always looks and waves. We've always remained close friends, but can't speak or even wave in public. Fast forward - after 9 years of no "real" contact, we started phoning and emailing each other. We met two weeks ago and it all came back. We both know it was a dumb move, but too much temptation was still there. We enjoy being together, even if it doesn't get intimate. However, two weeks ago it got very intimate. I know I am selling myself short being the OW. I know I am "letting him have his cake and eat it too". Why am I letting him do this to me? Part of me feels like if I can't be with him all the time - part time is better than nothing. I know that's wrong. I feel like such a bad person. He makes me so happy though. His wife can't stand me of course, but the rest of the family - including parents, siblings (who knows nothing) is so nice to me. Do I keep the lines of communication open with him? I know what I should do?
whichwayisup Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 You have to decide if you want to be married to your husband. Both you and the MM are acting very selfish and will be causing your spouses PAIN that I'm sure they thought wouldn't ever experience again. YOu two are LUCKY as heck that your husband and his wife forgave each of you. This is why NO CONTACT is so important. The fact you two never really cut off contact from one another shows that neither of you were really willing to give your marriages another chance, give it your best to see if the love was still there. What do you want?? HIm or your husband? ANd, if you leave your husband for the MM, that doesn't mean the MM will leave his wife for you! Are you willing to take that chance? Ofcourse his wife hates you and I"m shocked that she hasn't told the family wtf has been going on! You're extremely lucky. Both you and the MM are acting selfish. Do you want to spend the rest of your life living in a lie? Cheating and hurting your husband? Take time for you, and figure it out before everybody gets hurt.
movinon05 Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 I just read up on your last thread. Didn't you say your husband is abusive? Are you not dealing with that issue?
Author lostsmile Posted May 12, 2006 Author Posted May 12, 2006 Yes, I am in an emotional abusive marriage. I finally told my husband 2 weeks ago today that either something had to change or I wanted to seperate. We start counseling next week. He wants to work it out. I don't know if I have it in me to do that.
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