BeautifulLife Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 First of all, I should say that my best friend does not know anything about me and MM. So that makes this all the more freaky.....she called me last weekend and said "I had all these really weird dreams...you were in one of them." I asked her what it was about, and she said "I dreamed that you and (MM) were together. You were sitting in his lap facing him. There was more to the dream, but I can't really remember it." She said she was really shocked when she woke up, as she knows us both very well. Well, my jaw about hit the floor when she told me that. I have not told her anything about me and MM. I couldn't believe it. One of my favorite things to do with MM is sit on his lap facing him and kiss him. I told MM about this and he couldn't believe it either. I told him this must be a sign. We both feel tremendous guilt over this, as neither of us has done anything like this before, and we both consider ourselves to be Christians. (I know, I feel like a hypocrite typing that, and the guilt eats away at me most of the time.) We've both been praying about it. I've been asking for signs to show if this is really the way things are meant to be, for direction to help guide us both in our decisions. Well if that dream wasn't a sign, I don't know what was. It's not just that....there have been many other little "signs" happen over the past few weeks. MM says he is "sitting on a fence." A month ago he said he was straddling it 50/50, but now he says his "legs are dangling on my side," whatever that means. He told me last weekend was the weekend from hell, and all he could think about was how much better things would be with me, and how much he wished I was there. He still says he doesn't know why he can't leave, and that any person in their right mind would have left long ago, especially with someone like me waiting. He says he wouldn't blame me for walking away, which I told him I will do if he isn't gone by 6/4. (He's been married 10 years, they've been to counseling and she's quit 3 separate times, and she served him with divorce papers 3-4 years ago, but they decided to try to "work it out"....all of this long before I was in the picture). Our A has been going on for about 2-1/2 months. So that's where things are as of now. Pretty much same old. This situation gets harder every day, but I am still holding out hope for that little miracle of him leaving. Still praying....
target-d Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Christian or not - nobody's perfect - and nobody here should throw stones. I hope you get out of the affair, because affairs are not good for anyone. Let him make up his mind, get his divorce (or not) and then be with you (or not). As far as the "sign" goes, I would bet that your friend has unconsciously picked up on your behavior with each other. It's probably a sign all right, but a sign that maybe your actions to each other have changed in a noticeable way. Take care and remember that old saying "be careful what you wish for. . ."
rossm Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 It does seem odd. Have you ever had the experience where you and someone close were thinking of the exact same thing at the same time? Coincidence? Maybe. But once it happens several times, you have to wonder. It's almost like telepathy. Maybe MM talks in his sleep.
whichwayisup Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Is it possible your bestfriend knows already? Gut instinct or she's seen you two, or someone else told her? Never say never... Can I ask? The MM, is it her husband??
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 If my friend tells me this, I'd just laugh it off. You will see a 'sign' when you WANT to see a sign.
Author BeautifulLife Posted May 12, 2006 Author Posted May 12, 2006 Oh my God no, it's not her husband!!!! The thought crossed my mind that somehow she knew....but she's my dearest friend, and if someone had told her something or she suspected something, she would have asked me directly. I know MM hasn't told anyone, and the only person I have told is my sister, who doesn't live here and has never met my best friend. So..... *humming theme to Twilight Zone*
rossm Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Oh. I assumed that MM was her husband. Well, if something like this comes up again, then it's more than just a coincidence.
blind_otter Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Sigh. People will find signs anywhere. But God gave us free will, for a reason. We have a choice whether to yeild to temptation through sin, or to remain steadfast and true to yourself. IME whenever I have yielded to temptation, and sinned, it was a mistake. I suggest that you talk to your religious leader if you are in question. That should clear things up.
Author BeautifulLife Posted May 12, 2006 Author Posted May 12, 2006 I should add...I am not implying that I think God "approves" of our affair in any way. I do know that it is wrong. The ideal and morally right thing to do would have been to wait to act on our feelings until if/when he divorces his W. But we don't always do the right thing....obviously, that's why we are all here. I do believe that God places people in our lives for a reason. I'm trying to figure out why all of these little "coincidences" happened for us to meet, and keep happening. Why we share such an incredible bond on every level....emotional, physical, mental. Like we were cut from the same cloth. We both fought this for a long time. And I am close to ending it.....just can't deal with the hurt anymore.
rossm Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 I do believe that God places people in our lives for a reason. I'm trying to figure out why all of these little "coincidences" happened for us to meet, and keep happening. Why we share such an incredible bond on every level....emotional, physical, mental. Like we were cut from the same cloth. I know exactly how you feel. It's karma. And I am close to ending it.....just can't deal with the hurt anymore. You came to the right place then. Keep reading the threads here and posting.
StoneyHeart Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 I should add...I am not implying that I think God "approves" of our affair in any way. I do know that it is wrong. The ideal and morally right thing to do would have been to wait to act on our feelings until if/when he divorces his W. But we don't always do the right thing....obviously, that's why we are all here. I do believe that God places people in our lives for a reason. I'm trying to figure out why all of these little "coincidences" happened for us to meet, and keep happening. Why we share such an incredible bond on every level....emotional, physical, mental. Like we were cut from the same cloth. We both fought this for a long time. And I am close to ending it.....just can't deal with the hurt anymore. While I swivel back and forth b/t God and "openmindedness" b/c of all I have seen, since you have brought this up, these are some things I have concluded when I am focusing on what my lifetime of faith (even if my actions are hypocritical) have taught me: 1) the enemy/devil/Satan knows exactly where we are weak and exactly what temptations we will fall for and we that he bothers to create this "perfect storm" for must have really been intended to do something good (or why would the enemy bother) and it would be really good to cast the A aside and get on with doing the good we were on our way to doing when A got us sidetracked and 2) what I really want out of the A (and what hope is really about) is that MM would choose to lay down his life for me (give up M, daily contact with kids, reputation, everything)- well, in my religion, Jesus did do exactly that for me already- so the craving for MM to do that for me is innate and hard-wired from before I was born and (back to #1) the enemy has twisted that in my brain to believe a man will do that (and as other posts will say- 99% won't). I can type this and feel it and know it and want it, but still be utterly addicted to the sin (because in my world my temptation was perfectly fitted to me with a good person that i connect with on every level and completes me- albeit in a very tortured way). Only Jesus can fill that canyon in my soul, I just wish I could remember this when my flesh is winning. I am not trying to sell anyone on anything, just want to share these thoughts and see if anyone has thought anything similar.
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