lifeasiknowit Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 At work today I got asked out for coffee by this guy who I've seen come in a few times before. We have briefly chatted before, but it was never anything personal, just the normal kinds of conversations one would usually have with customers. I wasn't flirting or anything, just being polite and friendly, qualities required in persons working in customer service and retail. So, it threw me off when he said that we should go out for coffee sometime. I'm a little confused. Does this mean he's interested romantically or is just wanting to get to know me better as a friend or what? I barely even know him. I mumbled something about how my work schedule always changes and about having to go on my break right at that moment (which I truly did). I just find it awkward when complete strangers ask me out. In fact, I am rendered speechless usually when asked out, because I just don't expect it. Anyways, am I just being paranoid and uptight?
MadDog Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Two things: 1. Yes, he's interested romantically. What kind of guy asks a girl he doesn't know for coffee because he wants to be her friend? Does that ever happen in this universe? 2. If he seemed cool and you found him attractive, yeah I'd say you're being uptight. Unless you've made it a personal policy to not date people you meet a work, I don't see what the problem is. A guy can meet a girl to ask out in only so many places.
Sand&Water Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 I think you're taking this situation, to the top. It's normal for a guy to ask out a girl at work. I'd say just make sure what you want, and whether he's a freak/psycho/creep. Overall, I'd be flattered. He's interested in getting to know you.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 I just find it awkward when complete strangers ask me out. Your silly. If that is the case then who do you date? Only people you've known all your life? How else are u gonna get to know him to where he is not a stranger unless u go out and... well.. get to know him? Coffee is always the best first meeting place because it's not formal enough to be called a date, and yet you're not inviting each other into your own home. And yes, he is definately interested in you. Hunny, men never ask you out because they just want to be your friend unless of course, they're gay. If your attracted to him, and he isn't an alien from outer space, then I'd say go for it
Author lifeasiknowit Posted May 12, 2006 Author Posted May 12, 2006 Well, I am really not interested in this guy. He's nice and all, but the chemistry was completely of the platonic kind. I don't feel any attraction, and I think he feels the same way. I just didn't get the sense that he was attracted to me, so I think that was the main reason why I was surprised. Maybe he's gay? I don't know. I'm so clueless.
Guest Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 I doubt that he's gay, but if the chemistry isnt working, turn him down, politely. How is it going to work if you arent attracted to him? Ive tried it before, and usually I can trust my first impression. No chemistry, no date.
MadDog Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Well, I am really not interested in this guy. He's nice and all, but the chemistry was completely of the platonic kind. I don't feel any attraction, and I think he feels the same way. I just didn't get the sense that he was attracted to me, so I think that was the main reason why I was surprised. Maybe he's gay? I don't know. I'm so clueless. If you wonder whether a guy you don't know is asking you out so he can be your friend then yeah, I'd say your self-assessment as being clueless is accurate. Believe me. Any guy you don't know well who makes an effort to hang out with you is attracted to you. If you weren't interested in the guy, you did the right thing by giving him the classic ambiguous reponse followed by quick exit. If he doesn't take this as a rejection, he's probably a regular here at LS. Haha.
Author lifeasiknowit Posted May 12, 2006 Author Posted May 12, 2006 So... if he comes in again, what should I do? Also, I was in a predicament about a month ago where a friend told me that she thought that I would get along great with this male friend of hers who I've never met. She then asked me if she could give him my email address. I upfront asked her: "Are you trying to hook us up, or something?" and she said, "oh, no, it's nothing like that." so, I gave my email address, reluctantly. I hate being set up, and the whole thing seemed suspicious. Why would her friend want my email address? If she wasn't trying to hook us up, then what was the point? Well, her male friend emailed me and I replied just because. After two emails I stopped responding because I was creeped out when I found out he had googled my name. He thought it wasn't weird, but I thought otherwise. Was my friend basically lying and was truly trying to set us up?
MadDog Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Haha. This isn't meant as an insult but you are truly naive. Don't worry, it's not necessarily a bad thing. Some guys would find it an attractive quality (e.g. the taking away innocence thing.) If the customer comes in again, just tell him you appreciate it but you don't hang out with customers. If he keeps insisting, he's being a pushy a**h*** so just blow him off and ignore him. And your friend was 100% trying to hook you up with her friend. Think about it this way. Do you think she'd ever ask if she can give your e-mail address to another female friend of hers whom you've never met because you two would get along together? No way. It wouldn't make sense. She only said "no" when you asked her was because she sensed you were against the idea and she didn't want to make it obvious (although I think it's still obvious.) Out of curiousity, did your parents shelter you or did you grow up in a really small town?
Author lifeasiknowit Posted May 12, 2006 Author Posted May 12, 2006 Well... my parents were ultra protective and paranoid. Also, I think I have a warped perspective of myself. I've been told that I'm pretty, and everyone says I look like my mom (who is really really pretty), which I don't see. I can't stand looking at photos of myself. So when someone is interested in me I'm not aware of it, because I don't expect it to happen. Hence, the cluelessness.
MadDog Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Well... my parents were ultra protective and paranoid. Also, I think I have a warped perspective of myself. I've been told that I'm pretty, and everyone says I look like my mom (who is really really pretty), which I don't see. I can't stand looking at photos of myself. So when someone is interested in me I'm not aware of it, because I don't expect it to happen. Hence, the cluelessness. Uh oh. The "I'm not pretty enough" complex. Just don't end up hooking up with the ugly/annoying bastard. I hate seeing pretty girls with annoying a**h***s. It's such a waste.
Author lifeasiknowit Posted May 12, 2006 Author Posted May 12, 2006 um.... Crap. The answer is no. I've been on very few dates because I tend to give off this "leave me alone" vibe. I'm a loner, I guess you could say. I don't want to be alone, but I like being independent too. Also, I have issues around trust. I don't trust people easily. I had a pretty horrible experience with this one guy, about a year ago (also someone who I met while working). I had to force myself to go out for coffee with him, telling myself I need to date more, and the whole thing went to hell, mostly because of me. He expressed immediately that he liked me, that he thought I was intelligent and mysterious. I was thinking: "okay, you barely know me. You're misinterpreting my quietness for mysteriousness? Please!" I don't like revealing personal things to people I don't know and he was the total opposite, talking about very personal things, like about his depression when he was in high school. I ended up basically, not responding to his emails. I feel terrible about it now. I am deathly afraid of committed relationships. I'm such a guy in that respect, I think.
MadDog Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 The guy you went out with sounds like a bit of a fool. You did the right thing by ignoring his e-mails. The fact that he's blabbing on about depression in high school would be a huge red flag too. Why the hell would you bring up something like that on a first date? You have to realize though that unless you're good at assessing someone's personality and potential quickly, a large number of dates with strangers are going to be a bust. Dating really is a numbers game. You just need to find a guy who's similiar to you and will take his time in getting to know you and talking about personal stuff.
Sand&Water Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Well... my parents were ultra protective and paranoid. Also, I think I have a warped perspective of myself. I've been told that I'm pretty, and everyone says I look like my mom (who is really really pretty), which I don't see. I can't stand looking at photos of myself. So when someone is interested in me I'm not aware of it, because I don't expect it to happen. Hence, the cluelessness. Interesting. You just described me and my parents. That's how I am most of the time. The most annoying part, is that I tend to run away from love, thinking that if someone is interested - it must be a lie. You'll grow out of this phase, just I am progressing to so too. Try to go out more, it relieves a lot of stress.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 um.... Crap. The answer is no. I've been on very few dates because I tend to give off this "leave me alone" vibe. I'm a loner, I guess you could say. I don't want to be alone, but I like being independent too. Also, I have issues around trust. I don't trust people easily. Wow! You sound just like me 2 years ago. I actually had a guy tell me I gave off that "I'm not interested in anyone" vibe. After he told me, I could see what he was talking about. Thats what I wanted men to think since I was very insecure and I thought it was better for men to think that I didn't want to date anyone instead of wanting to date and noone wanting to date me He expressed immediately that he liked me, that he thought I was intelligent and mysterious. I was thinking: "okay, you barely know me. You're misinterpreting my quietness for mysteriousness? Please!" I don't like revealing personal things to people I don't know and he was the total opposite, talking about very personal things, like about his depression when he was in high school. I ended up basically, not responding to his emails. I feel terrible about it now. If he finds that attractive about you, then let him think that. And you be quiet is being mysterious when you think about it. You need to losen up a little. Men can sense when your uptight.
Author lifeasiknowit Posted May 12, 2006 Author Posted May 12, 2006 Another thing... A few days ago I had one customer who I immediately developed a crush on, but we were closing for the night so, he had to leave, but I really, really, really liked him. Our conversation although short, was really natural, and I found him really funny in a quirky way. I couldn't tell if he was interested, but I would've been happy just talking to him more. I couldn't stop smiling. Damn. I have a feeling I'll never see him again. Even if I had the nerve I wouldn't have been able to ask him out since there were other customers around and it wouldn't have looked right.
MadDog Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 That's okay. Girls don't ask out guys for the most part anyway. They just smile and flirt a lot if they're interested in a guy. If he was halfway observant, he would have picked up on your interest and will definately come back.
Author lifeasiknowit Posted May 12, 2006 Author Posted May 12, 2006 ok. I hope I sent out the right message. i've heard that you're supposed to make eye contact a lot to show interest, but the problem is when I like someone I get really shy and I avoid making eye contact. I smile and everything, but I'm always looking down at my hands, at the floor, whatever. That doesn't help, does it?
MadDog Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 ok. I hope I sent out the right message. i've heard that you're supposed to make eye contact a lot to show interest, but the problem is when I like someone I get really shy and I avoid making eye contact. I smile and everything, but I'm always looking down at my hands, at the floor, whatever. That doesn't help, does it? Nah. If anything, that's even more obvious that a girl is into you. If she's making too much eye contact and smiling, you sometimes wonder if she's just flirty by nature. If she's smiling but avoiding eye contact, you conclude she's shy but definately into you.
noclobber Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 For the life of me I can never ever understand women!!!!! If a guy that is your friend asks you out you would say - we are friends and so we can't date. if a stranger asks you out you would say - i don't know anything about him and he creeps me out by asking for a date.. :rolleyes:
MadDog Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 For the life of me I can never ever understand women!!!!! If a guy that is your friend asks you out you would say - we are friends and so we can't date. if a stranger asks you out you would say - i don't know anything about him and he creeps me out by asking for a date.. :rolleyes: That's right. The ideal situation is that you're a friend of the girl and you only marginally know her. Then you talk to her a while and ask her out. She says yes because you're not her friend or a complete stranger. I've asked out plenty of girls I didn't know at all and it works too. You just get a lower success rate.
alphamale Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 The ideal situation is that you're a friend of the girl and you only marginally know her. That's not a friend, it's an aquaintance.
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