almostthere Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I posted last week about a frustration I had in regards to my bf. I was upset about the point of his exwife saying that they slept together. I was wondering if I should say anything or not since we already talked about it. Agianst some of the posters advice i did revisit that conversation with my bf. i felt that i "owed" it to myself to get out some feelings i have been harboring from the early stages and present stages of our relationship. I had a lot of built up resentment for the way he handled himself in certain situations but i neevr said anything about it to him because...well i actually dont know why. so during the talk all he did was take offense to the conversation, get upset at me and generally it didnt go as well as i had hoped it to go. However, since that conversation i have been able to believe him, forgive him and drop all of that built up resentment. Now...last Saturday we went out enjoyed a wonderful dinner and walk on the pier. We ended up at our favorite (?) watering hole and had a few drinks. the topic of sex came up. as a side note...not meaning to offend me...he mentioned that his exwife moaned loudly durng sex. which is the opposite of me. i am very quiet mainly because i am so into it that i really dont realize what i am doing at that time. we have always been very intuned to each other during sex. he knows exactly when and how long my orgasms lasts. So its not that i "just lay there" i do get into it...i just am not loud about moaning. Since that conversation I have wondered which way he likes better even though he says he likes me being quiet and that she used to annoy him. i simply texted him the question which way does he like it better and he was mad at me for asking. Its just that in my experience men have liked me to moan so i have in a way faked a moan here and there for their pleasure. However, in my past few relationships i have decided to keep it real so to say by doing what was real and i like that better. This is the text i sent...i know this is a weird question but is it ok that i am quiet in bed? is this what you like? now i have never really even thought to ask this before he said that his ex moaned because the other comment besides the point that it annoyed him was that it was nice because he knew he was doing something right. well he called me and kinda yelled at me because he knew what i was referring to. its not the point of who he had sex with before. i was just simply asking. now i feel that a question that was so pressing for me earlier today...is so pointless in knowing now and i wish i could take it back because he got mad at me. So...heres what i want to know...how do you choose your battles? I invited him to my nephews school musical on Tuesday. He stopped at home first and his dad needed help drilling some hole in the addition on the house. had he not stopped at home first he would have been on time. but he arrived with about 10 minutes left. i bit my tongue on it realizing that its just nice to have someone who even wants to go to these things with me and wants my family to include him. so i said nothing except very nicely can you please come straight here next time because my nephew was a little donw that he couldnt see you before he had to be on stage. that was it. if i would have said anything when i was mad i would have come off rude. so i know i chose the right battle there. and thought it through before i said anything. but what is the general rule for it? how i do it is...if i think i am wronged, hurt or offended i have a right to get it off my chest as long as it is going to serve some purpose. is this correct? i hate arguing and we havent argued yet. we talk through most things. so i dont get snappy or rude. i ask a simple question or try to put things as gently as i can. any advice will be appreciated. and just as a side note...for any of those who answered to my post about writing letters...thank you. we did talk about the way we communicate. i think we have worked it out. at least a ton better then it was. we communicate for hours every day when things are great. always have. its just been hard when things are difficult to talk about.
whichwayisup Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 He should shut the F up about his past sexual encounters with his ex or whoever. That just isn't cool! Him doing this is making YOU feel self conscious and doubt yourself, and that is soooo wrong. And if he can't see this, and respect you - Maybe it's time to re-think the relationship. This also doesn't have to turn into a fight or an arguement, it's more like, him bringing stuff like that up, serves NO purpose and brings only bad feelings up. You're walking proof of this. I just hope he is understanding and knowing what he says has alot of an effect on you...
catgirl1927 Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I agree. His fault for bringing it up. You came to a reasonable conclusion. I mean, why the F would anyone bring that up anyway?
tanbark813 Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 Or when he talks about sex with his ex you could just say something like, "Yeah, that's kind of like with MY ex his penis was a lot bigger. But I still like how yours is because I don't have to worry about it being too much for me."
Buttaflyy Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I agree totally that he shouldnt have brought the subject up. I think in the future if something is bothering you, you should address it. Not only did that cause you to be self concious, but also to doubt the importance of mentioning certain things to him. I think it's the way you approach things that counts. If said in the right way, everything doesn't have to turn into an argument or sound offensive (if you're both reasonale ppl).
Buttaflyy Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 Or when he talks about sex with his ex you could just say something like, "Yeah, that's kind of like with MY ex his penis was a lot bigger. But I still like how yours is because I don't have to worry about it being too much for me." I've absoulutely done this! Good advice Tan! An believe me, he didnt say another word afterward!!!
MadDog Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I've absoulutely done this! Good advice Tan! An believe me, he didnt say another word afterward!!! What if I'm your boyfriend and I'm hung like a horse? Wouldn't that make the "my ex had a bigger penis than you" defense ineffective?
whichwayisup Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 What if I'm your boyfriend and I'm hung like a horse? Wouldn't that make the "my ex had a bigger penis than you" defense ineffective? No, because what if he was a bigger horse than you!
MadDog Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 No, because what if he was a bigger horse than you! Then I would just assume you meant it when you said you're glad I wasn't bigger so you could handle me. I mean, once you get to a certain point, I think you stop caring. Like if a guy makes over a million dollars a year, I'm sure he doesn't feel insecure just cause the guy next to him makes 2 million a year. A guy who makes $10/hour would probably feel insecure though.
Author almostthere Posted May 11, 2006 Author Posted May 11, 2006 Thanks for your replies...I thought I was going to get hit hard on this one. Its nice to know i am not nuts on this.
Buttaflyy Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Then I would just assume you meant it when you said you're glad I wasn't bigger so you could handle me. I mean, once you get to a certain point, I think you stop caring. Like if a guy makes over a million dollars a year, I'm sure he doesn't feel insecure just cause the guy next to him makes 2 million a year. A guy who makes $10/hour would probably feel insecure though. No matter what you know you guys are insecure when the subject of penis size is brought up. I don't care how confident u "usually" are. If someone tells you someone else was bigger your insulted. I dont really think there is a such thing of too much to handle anyways!
MadDog Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 No matter what you know you guys are insecure when the subject of penis size is brought up. I don't care how confident u "usually" are. If someone tells you someone else was bigger your insulted. I dont really think there is a such thing of too much to handle anyways! Nah, that's not true. I've got no hang ups about my penis size. If a girl said she would like one that's bigger or something, I'd tell her it's not my problem she's got a loose kitty. And it's possible to have too much to handle. My last ex, the first time we tried to do the deed, I literally couldn't get in. After trying on and off for 30 minutes or so, I finally got in, but only the tip. She was a pretty small girl so I'm sure that was a factor.
Buttaflyy Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Nah, that's not true. I've got no hang ups about my penis size. If a girl said she would like one that's bigger or something, I'd tell her it's not my problem she's got a loose kitty. And it's possible to have too much to handle. My last ex, the first time we tried to do the deed, I literally couldn't get in. After trying on and off for 30 minutes or so, I finally got in, but only the tip. She was a pretty small girl so I'm sure that was a factor. Not tryna bust ur bubble MD but thats because you're a man who thinks that kitty's loosen. But seriously, maybe the joke wouldn't work with you because you are so...confident. I guest some men aren't so......blessed?
MadDog Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Not tryna bust ur bubble MD but thats because you're a man who thinks that kitty's loosen. But seriously, maybe the joke wouldn't work with you because you are so...confident. I guest some men aren't so......blessed? Sure they do. My ex's did.
Buttaflyy Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Sure they do. My ex's did. :lmao: :lmao: See I was trying not to go there! But...I too am a petite woman, my man is very much.... "endowed", I have given birth to an 8lb 3oz baby! And nope...it's still the same size.
Buttaflyy Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 I realize that i left that open for you to think I must be wider than normal, but after i was stitched back to size from the baby, I'm me again! LMAO
MadDog Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 I realize that i left that open for you to think I must be wider than normal, but after i was stitched back to size from the baby, I'm me again! LMAO Well, that's not fair then. You're surgically enhanced.
Buttaflyy Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Well, that's not fair then. You're surgically enhanced. :lmao: YOU WIN!!!
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