Neighbors meddling in relationship - complicated - read

May 11, 2006

I have been with a wonderful woman for a little over two years now. When I met her, she was on probation and ready to get off, and get on with her life. Just before she was off, she chose to drink and drive, even after I offered to drive and was not intoxicated. She ended up with another DWI (her second) and was placed on 5 years of probation. We do party together, but this not really a post about drinking, please read on.

I have two neighbors down the street, a husband and wife. The husband is a terrible drunk and she is miserable as a result. Well, my GF and the wife became friends, but she always has something bad to say about my GF. She says that she is a compulsive liar, I should get rid of her, she's a bad mother, etc.

In August, my GF and I were not in each others good graces and she decided to go somewhere for the weekend. There was no cheating or anything, but she did go away and, while on probation, chose to go to some bars in this town. I was a wreck all weekend because I knew she was in bars and she told me she was when she called. I was mad about it and she wouldn't come home (it was supposed to be for one night) because "all we would do s fight". So all weekend, she strung me along and kept saying she was coming home and then never did. I ended up at the neighbors for support and this is wher eit gets interesting. As I sobbed like a baby for an entire Sunday over this, they bashed her continually, trying to get me to come to my senses and "dump" her. I contended that she haad been through a lot of stuff and that I thought she was not thinking clearly pretty much. So, about 30 minutes after I went home for the night, my girlfriend calls me and says "did you call my probation officer!?!?". I was like, "what!? no i didn;t why the hell would you think that?". Well, apparently she received a message from her probation officer about 30 minutes after I left the neighbors house that said something like, "I'm not very happy right now you need to call me".

So the next day, she went to work and called me... said she was leaving work and I offered to come and see her because I knew she was unstable and could hear it in her voice. She was a mess and continues to bring this up... insinuating that I "blew her in". I did NOT blow her in and continue to reassure her that I care deeply for her and I would never do that to her. Why the hell would someone do this to somebody? So, no, I didn;t call.

Fast forward to 5 weeks ago....

GF gets a call from her PO on a Monday morning and she returns the call later that afternoon. he told her that he heard something and if it was going on, he wasn;t going to be very happy. She had no idea what the hell he was talking about, nor did I. I was with her until 3:30 AM on this Sunday and she was on a drinking binge all weekend. Well... she goes on Tuesday and her PO tells her that he got a call from someone saying that she was with me all weekend getting drunk! When I wouldn;t go get her more beer, she went to the neighbors house and was behaving very very unstable as a result of the alcohol she drank (way too much IMO). This was at the neighbors house and no the child wasn;t there.

So the next day, she gets a piss test, fails it, and now has to go to inpatient treatment for 28 days and has a 10 year old son.

Now back to the neighbors.... apparently, the wife neighbor spoke with her yesterday or the day before and told her that I blew her in in August when she was seen by someone who knew her and turned her in, it's the only explaination). This bitch actually stated that I SAID I BLEW HER IN. It is 100% not true. So then I got to thinking that maybe this was a good opportunity for her to cover her own ass for my GF's recent trouble (where they were the only ones aware that she was at MY HOUSE DRINKING). I think they are concerned about her child and I also think that THEY blew her in, not once, but twice.

My dilemma is that I have no idea how to convince her that I had nothing to do with it and that this sideways co-dependent wife neighbor obviously has some agenda with me, GF, or both. I know that you cannot convince someone of something that they do not believe, but it just kills me inside because I would never do something like that to her. Obviously whoever is doing this to us, isn;t taking into account that she has a 10 year old boy who is very sad about her having to go into treatment. We explained it to him together and he understands, but this neighbor is a meddler and a backstabber. Should I even address this person? I need some advice, please.

thanks for reading.

May 11, 2006

I have been with a wonderful woman for a little over two years now. When I met her, she was on probation and ready to get off, and get on with her life. Just before she was off, she chose to drink and drive, even after I offered to drive and was not intoxicated. She ended up with another DWI (her second) and was placed on 5 years of probation. We do party together, but this not really a post about drinking, please read on.

I have two neighbors down the street, a husband and wife. The husband is a terrible drunk and she is miserable as a result. Well, my GF and the wife became friends, but she always has something bad to say about my GF. She says that she is a compulsive liar, I should get rid of her, she's a bad mother, etc.

In August, my GF and I were not in each others good graces and she decided to go somewhere for the weekend. There was no cheating or anything, but she did go away and, while on probation, chose to go to some bars in this town. I was a wreck all weekend because I knew she was in bars and she told me she was when she called. I was mad about it and she wouldn't come home (it was supposed to be for one night) because "all we would do s fight". So all weekend, she strung me along and kept saying she was coming home and then never did. I ended up at the neighbors for support and this is wher eit gets interesting. As I sobbed like a baby for an entire Sunday over this, they bashed her continually, trying to get me to come to my senses and "dump" her. I contended that she haad been through a lot of stuff and that I thought she was not thinking clearly pretty much. So, about 30 minutes after I went home for the night, my girlfriend calls me and says "did you call my probation officer!?!?". I was like, "what!? no i didn;t why the hell would you think that?". Well, apparently she received a message from her probation officer about 30 minutes after I left the neighbors house that said something like, "I'm not very happy right now you need to call me".

So the next day, she went to work and called me... said she was leaving work and I offered to come and see her because I knew she was unstable and could hear it in her voice. She was a mess and continues to bring this up... insinuating that I "blew her in". I did NOT blow her in and continue to reassure her that I care deeply for her and I would never do that to her. Why the hell would someone do this to somebody? So, no, I didn;t call.

Fast forward to 5 weeks ago....

GF gets a call from her PO on a Monday morning and she returns the call later that afternoon. he told her that he heard something and if it was going on, he wasn;t going to be very happy. She had no idea what the hell he was talking about, nor did I. I was with her until 3:30 AM on this Sunday and she was on a drinking binge all weekend. Well... she goes on Tuesday and her PO tells her that he got a call from someone saying that she was with me all weekend getting drunk! When I wouldn;t go get her more beer, she went to the neighbors house and was behaving very very unstable as a result of the alcohol she drank (way too much IMO). This was at the neighbors house and no the child wasn;t there.

So the next day, she gets a piss test, fails it, and now has to go to inpatient treatment for 28 days and has a 10 year old son.

Now back to the neighbors.... apparently, the wife neighbor spoke with her yesterday or the day before and told her that I blew her in in August when she was seen by someone who knew her and turned her in, it's the only explaination). This bitch actually stated that I SAID I BLEW HER IN. It is 100% not true. So then I got to thinking that maybe this was a good opportunity for her to cover her own ass for my GF's recent trouble (where they were the only ones aware that she was at MY HOUSE DRINKING). I think they are concerned about her child and I also think that THEY blew her in, not once, but twice.

My dilemma is that I have no idea how to convince her that I had nothing to do with it and that this sideways co-dependent wife neighbor obviously has some agenda with me, GF, or both. I know that you cannot convince someone of something that they do not believe, but it just kills me inside because I would never do something like that to her. Obviously whoever is doing this to us, isn;t taking into account that she has a 10 year old boy who is very sad about her having to go into treatment. We explained it to him together and he understands, but this neighbor is a meddler and a backstabber. Should I even address this person? I need some advice, please.

thanks for reading.

Way too much drama for your health. Tell your GF that she needs to give up the drinking. It has thus far got her into nothing but trouble. At this point, it doesn't matter who said what. You and your GF have a more serious problem to take care of. I would ditch the couple up the street. They sound like nothing but trouble.

May 11, 2006

Honestly I wouldn't address the neighbors as they didn't cause your GF's issues.. Yor GF caused her own priblems.

I would address your GF with the issue that she has some serious issues.. she is the one after all theat failed the piss test.

Your neighbor didn't make her fail the test..

Going to some Alanon meetings might help you with your codependant behavior and help you learn how to deal with her.

going after the neighbors is an enabling behavior.. it is letting your GF get away with her drinking and allowing her to continue to keep herself in denial.

May 11, 2006

yes, but what about the fact that i had nothing to do with "blowing her in", while someone obviously did, and i think it's the neighbors. i know they didn;t cause this in the end, but somebody did, and it wasn't me. i cannot stand to be treated like a liar when i am telling the truth.

also, she hasn;t had a drink in 5 weeks (since that weekend) and is entering a 28 day program shortly. too bad it had to come to this for that to happen, but i would like to support her in getting the help she needs. i also go to counseling to deal with my own stuff.

May 11, 2006

I wouldn't address the issue.. if your GF makes you somehow responsible for telling on her then you need to be strong enough to tell her to f*** off..

He addiction to Alcohol will cause her to treat you in this manner and not trust you.

May 11, 2006

yes, but what about the fact that i had nothing to do with "blowing her in", while someone obviously did, and i think it's the neighbors. i know they didn;t cause this in the end, but somebody did, and it wasn't me. i cannot stand to be treated like a liar when i am telling the truth.

also, she hasn;t had a drink in 5 weeks (since that weekend) and is entering a 28 day program shortly. too bad it had to come to this for that to happen, but i would like to support her in getting the help she needs. i also go to counseling to deal with my own stuff.

When she gets sober from the inpatient program she will have to face the reality of the consequences that she created. Who "blew her in" isn't important, the fact that she had to be "blown in" is. I'm a recovering addict/alcoholic.

Once you get out of that s***ty place that you're in (using, getting wasted) -- your mind clears up and you realize that 99.99% of the s*** that you are in is because of the bad choices you make when you are an alcoholic. And that's all the time, not just when you're drunk.

May 11, 2006

Once you get out of that s***ty place that you're in (using, getting wasted) -- your mind clears up and you realize that 99.99% of the s*** that you are in is because of the bad choices you make when you are an alcoholic. And that's all the time, not just when you're drunk.

yeah i totally agree with that. but again, she is going into treatment and i really think she is sincere about it. i am not sure why she wants to believe that i called her in for her drinking. what does that say about her if she claims to love and care about me, yet she seems to believe the neighbor. really makes me feel bad. i'm generally a very caring and sweet guy and i want to stick by her but there is so much drama that has been created by the probation thing.

she also gets really mad at me for stuff that, 99% of the time, is miscommunication or a misunderstanding. i sent her a text this afternoon to say "hi honey how's your day going". i didn't get an answer after a while and sent her a message that was sarcastic "oh mine's going great, thanks for asking" and some more sarcasm. while i was being sarcastic, she sent one back i didn;t know about that said "how is yours going?". well then i receive one that says "fu*k it i can;t do this anymore". so i called her at work and said why do you send these to me. she said i sent you one back that said how was your day also, and i saw it and then felt like an a**h***. but, of course, she's probably hating me as i type. i apologized. idk. what the hell can ya do.

May 11, 2006

yeah i totally agree with that. but again, she is going into treatment and i really think she is sincere about it. i am not sure why she wants to believe that i called her in for her drinking. what does that say about her if she claims to love and care about me, yet she seems to believe the neighbor. really makes me feel bad. i'm generally a very caring and sweet guy and i want to stick by her but there is so much drama that has been created by the probation thing.

she also gets really mad at me for stuff that, 99% of the time, is miscommunication or a misunderstanding. i sent her a text this afternoon to say "hi honey how's your day going". i didn't get an answer after a while and sent her a message that was sarcastic "oh mine's going great, thanks for asking" and some more sarcasm. while i was being sarcastic, she sent one back i didn;t know about that said "how is yours going?". well then i receive one that says "fu*k it i can;t do this anymore". so i called her at work and said why do you send these to me. she said i sent you one back that said how was your day also, and i saw it and then felt like an a**h***. but, of course, she's probably hating me as i type. i apologized. idk. what the hell can ya do.

When you get f***ed up all the time, your mind is f***ed up too. Your emotions are unstable because you're not getting adequate nutrition, and drinking excessively causes immediate mild brain damage.

If you're using and drinking too, you both probably have f***ed up emotional states and can't think straight. The worst part is -- when you are using like that you totally THINK you can think straight, and if someone points out that you can't you get all defensive and pissed off.

If you chose to persue this relationship I hope you check out some alanon meetings and remember not to use or drink around her.

May 11, 2006

"If you chose to persue this relationship I hope you check out some alanon meetings and remember not to use or drink around her."

I didn;t mean to sound like an angel, I do drink as well, but I was always the voice of reason with "I think we've had enough to drink". Then she would say I was controlling and I can;t tell her what, how much, or when to drink. So, basically, I made the mistake of "well, i guess if i want to stay with her I have to drink with her because it sucks to be sober and watch people get drunk (because a bad drunk is annoying)." So I enabled her. Certainly not my fault she drinks though. Now she isn;t drinking, and I am, but I am not drinking around her anymore. When she goes to treatment, I myself do plan on going to AA meetings and not drinking so that when she is out, we can have a sober relationship. I do know that when someone is in recovery, you should not use around them, if at all.

May 11, 2006

Going to some Alanon meetings might help you with your codependant behavior and help you learn how to deal with her.

I was going to mention CoDA (CoDependents Anonymous), but we're on the same track.

May 11, 2006

When you get f***ed up all the time, your mind is f***ed up too. Your emotions are unstable because you're not getting adequate nutrition, and drinking excessively causes immediate mild brain damage.

If you're using and drinking too, you both probably have f***ed up emotional states and can't think straight. The worst part is -- when you are using like that you totally THINK you can think straight, and if someone points out that you can't you get all defensive and pissed off.

If you chose to persue this relationship I hope you check out some alanon meetings and remember not to use or drink around her.

I totally agree w/B_O! You keep saying things like, "I told her this but she misunderstood me and she got mad at me and we were drinking and bla bla bla" I would'nt go as far as saying i had a drinking problem, but my father does and I drank alot with him and alone, and when we drank together, omg we must have sounded like such idiots. Don't take her behavior personally.

And as far as your neighbors, maybe they were wrong for meddling, but someone needed to get your g/f help, and if thats what it took then so be it. It is prolly the best thing for her.

As for her son, I'm sure it's hard on him, but it will be harder if she doesn't get help and continues to drink and stay irrational. He's the one I feel most sorry for in this situation.

And for the love of GOd and all that is holy, please please please do not drink around her. In fact it would prolly be best to give up drinking and (if you are) using as well. I learned this from being around my dad.

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Neighbors meddling in relationship - complicated - read

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