Just a question about dealing with another womans kids.

[Guest]

My now fiance was married for 5 years to an alcoholic drug addict, she had two kids she was raising when they got married and she had another she had already had her oldest taken away. She was ok I guess for awhile in the marriage then started drinking,abusing drugs and cheating. When we first got together he was seeing the kids pretty regularly and had them at his step sisters house he had gotten welfare involved and had them taken away from their mother. They decided one day to make him out a liar and tell the social worker he was basically lying cause they wanted to go back home, my fiance can never have them they are not his even though I know how he feels about them. So after they get back home he stays involved for quite awhile and I end up pregnant which doesn't have anything to do with this except the stress that comes in a minute. Oh and by the wya the kids are 15 and 11 at this point and every weekend they come and tell him they want to come live with him and stuff and how bad things are at home, obviously he can't just take them as there are kidnapping laws and he offers to take them to welfare again and they don;t want to do that. So what starts happening turns kind of crazy we were getting the 11 yo boy almost every weekend except when his mother felt like grounding him from our house, and then the 15 yo girl starts doing crazy stuff her mom lets her do , stay all wekend at bf's house, smoke pot, drink and lord knows what else and it got out of hand then she would ground the son from our house and leave him home alone all weekend while they were all out. I couldn't handle the situation anymore I have 2kids as well and I was pregnant.We decided the best option was to stay out of everything and let things be oh and another thing they expected us to buy them things and what not when they would come to stay and we are kinda strapped for cash and the boy could be rude at times especially to me and to sum it up now that I'm not pregnant my fiance wants to start seeing the boy again I understand he loves him and always thought of him as his own son but it seems like a game to me she decides when and where what hapens,and he has asked my opinion and I feel these kids have been through enough and we are unable to decide anything and I don;t know where my status is in all this or if I should even be around when he is with him, I don;t want to be a bad person it's just that usually when u get a divorce most ppl don't go through this with kids that aren't theirs it's a new situation for me and not sure how to handle it or what to tell him to do just need some advice.

[Tim'sAngel]

If the kids are rude to you then your F should put his family first. I know how your F feels about his ex-step childen. My SO has a 15 yr old step daughter. He has raised her since she was 5, so he is actively involved in her life. She's a pretty good kid tho. Hasn't given us any problems since we've been together, but I can see how it would be a problem if she were rude or disrespectful. A big problem.

 

Sounds to me like your F's ex is a real doozy. The situation does not sound healthy for your family and even though this sounds cold, those kids are not your F's responsibility and definately yours. If they are gonna just cause problems in your home, then he needs to put his immediate family first. That is just my opinion.