Marielle Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I am a smoker, my boyfirend of 1yr has made several attemps to convince me to stop smoking. When we met I was not smoking, and he says I was another person (more radiant, active, better mood, my skin was better, smell, etc...and more importantly, IT HURTS HIM seeing me damage my health in front of him) Well I did not stop...then we got a fight and he asked me to stop for good otherwise .... he felt he cannot go on with me. I want to quit more than anything, specially that I am into personal training, and this smoking thing made me abandon the gym and isolate myself. What do you think of his behaviour, is he pressuring me too much?
ChampionSound Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I think it's fair for him to say 'quit smoking or I'll leave'. It must be hard to do, though. Try Allen Carr's Easy Way to Quit Smoking book. My friend told me it has about 90% success rate among people who want to quit.
starlet Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I've been in this position - I know how terribly hard this is. I think, that if you are really motivated to quit because this guy means that much to you, then that can be helpful, in the sense of it gives you a reason to keep trying. Also, he knows that if you are making a good-faith effort to stop - then he will probably be willing to try and help you with it, try not to get mad, etc. I think everybody knows quitting smoking is one of the hardest things you can EVER do - I'm serious, it really is, and if you love somebody enough to go through that for them, then well, that's a keeper relationship I think.
tikigods Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I think he has every right to want to be with a healthy person that doesn't smoke. Heck I once had to make that choice myself. My now husband told me the cigs go or he does and well here we are Its not easy but it can be done, just have to figure out whats more important to you
SuperMonk Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Yuck, I avoid smoking women like the plague. I have bad baggage from my evil father who smoked till he started getting heart condition problems
Author Marielle Posted May 12, 2006 Author Posted May 12, 2006 hey guys...thanks, I really needed those answers...even though I AM quitting for him, I needed reassurance that he is no a PUSHER, or a manipulative person, he is right! ANd Startlet you are just right, word by word!!!!
Vega Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 If you are going to quit - do it for you. For many people smoking is a deal-breaker, just like drinking or drug use or being fat or being a health nut or any one of a million other things. If you want to quit then love can be your motivation. I'm a smoker and my husband is not, but smoking is not a deal-breaker for him. Funny supermonk. sad that you think you are always right though.
Walk Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 You said you only started a year ago? Did something change in your life during that time? I took Zyban to quit smoking. It was the only thing I found that worked. I tried the gum, the patch, cold-turkey, everything... but the zyban really helped. It's really easy to get a prescription for it, and my medical insurance covered it. I have also read that studies have linked smoking with depression. I worry there's more to this than just the smoking, since you said that you've become more withdrawn. Some of the ways you've stated you've changed sound more like depression than smoking related. obviously smoking does affect your health, but it shouldn't make you less active or in a worse mood. I ran 6 miles a day when I smoked, still kayaked and went mountain biking every weekend. I wasn't "less active" because of the smoking. But I will become less active when I'm depressed, and I'll smoke more. Talk to a doctor about what you've told us on here. I think they'd be able to make a better determination of what the problem is. And if it is depression, then treating a symptom won't cure the problem. It won't suddenly make you jump up and go to the gym, or be happy go lucky just because you stop smoking.
bumbaclot Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 To answer your question, I think he is being very fair. Just think about what would you do? Imagine if your bf smelled like BO 100% of the time, and you asked him to shower, but he wouldn't? Well, the cigarette smell isn't any better. Often when I go to inside parties, and get home, the next morning I smell my clothes, it makes me gag. I used to be a smoker myself. I smoked for well over 10 years. I started early too, I was only 12. Yes, in the country where I was born, kids start smoking that early. Many even do drugs at that age. Anyways, I quit a year ago, and boy, what a difference it made. I don't EVER want to have another cigarette. I just feel so much better. Whatever your bf listed is true, I notice the same changes, but backwards when I quit. The thing is I did not know that it's was affecting me so much, because I was very young when I started, thus I didn't really see life in a different light. Quit immediately, before you get *really* addicted. One year is nothing. You didn't even form the real habbit yet, so far it's all just mental. It gets physical, when you really cannot live without cigarettes. You depend on them. Everything you think about revolves around them. You need to plan ahead according to them, etc... It's nasty!!! Quit. quit. quit cold turkey, nothing else works, trust me, I've tried it all.
PuppyDogEyes Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 hey guys...thanks, I really needed those answers...even though I AM quitting for him, I needed reassurance that he is no a PUSHER, or a manipulative person, he is right! ANd Startlet you are just right, word by word!!!! Marielle, I was a pack-a-day smoker up until a year ago. As a matter of fact, my quit day was May 17th, 2005, so as of next Wednesday, I'll be a year free of cigarettes. And I have to tell you this: it is so worth it. If you quit, you will never regret the decision that you made, not ever. It is the best gift you can give yourself. The one thing that you have to know, however, is this: if you want to quit, you must want to quit for yourself - not for your boyfriend, not for your family, not for anyone or anything - only for yourself. Using something or someone as a reason isn't going to keep you fully committed. Please go to your favorite search engine and type in "QuitNet". QuitNet is a free website made up of ex-smokers like myself that have used its resources to aid us in quitting the habit. It's full of support, stories and tips. If you have an urge to smoke, you post for help, and members will answer you to remind you of why you want to quit smoking, to share with you their own stories. It's a powerful, powerful place. And it helped me more than anyone will ever know. Good luck with whatever you decide. - pde. - 1 year smoke-free.
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