AussieChick Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 Ok gang, the story so far, I'll try to keep it as succinct as possible... I've known this guy for about 4 years, he works at the same place I do, but we don't work directly together. For some reason about 2 months ago I started to notice him. We were both working late one night, and I casually offered him a ride home (it's a little out of my way, but is on the way home - ie. not in completely the wrong direction ), he said he'd be fine, and so I thought 'oh well - no harm in offering'). About 20 mins later he came in and said he would take the ride - BTW he only lives about 5 mins drive away - so I wasn't saving him hours of travel. I dropped him home and we chatted comfortably on the way. The next night we were both working late again, this time he came into my office and chatted to me while I finished work, (about 2 hours!) We left at midnight and I dropped him home. The NEXT night I deliberately worked late, and waited until HE was finished, and it was an unspoken thing that I was giving him a ride, we just left together without discussing it. This time we ended up talking in the car outside his house for about 3.5 hours (until 330 in the morning). The next couple of days were madness at work, and although we bumped into each other, there was no real interaction. and I was wondering if the opportunity had gone. Then all the staff were sitting around after work having a drink when everyone else decided it was time to go - as I had arrived late I said I would be staying and finishing my drink - EVERYONE left (including his usual ride home), but he stayed behind to have another drink with me! Once again we talked for hours. THIS time when I dropped him off I asked him if we were going to get together after the mad period of work was over (in about a weeks time) - he said that everyone would go out - and I tried again (he was a little drunk and I didn't think he got what I was trying to ask) so I asked him if WE would get together, he said yes - but for now to go home and get some sleep. The rest of the week was mayhem, however at the end of it all we all went out to the pub to celebrate. We ended up being the last 2 to leave and were both VERY drunk. When we got to his place we both got out of the taxi and sat outside and talked again. I told him that I'm too old to play games and that I really like him, and I think that we've clicked and I want to be more than friends - he said that he thinks we've clicked too, and that he really likes me BUT he's not in a position where he can give in a relationship at the moment, he has to focus on himself and sort himself out, and he has made a commitment to his sick mum - who he lives with (all of which I knew about and know to be true - it's been well known at work for a few years about his mum). He also said that despite the hormones running wild, and he could easily give in to them, that's not the way he is - especially drunk. He gave me a friendly kiss and a hug, and we parted. I left feeling like I'd been rejected and decided to cope with seeing him as best I could. I also was unsure if he'd even remembered to conversation. The very next time we were at work I once again had to work late, once again he hung around for a ride home! Since then we haven't worked late and so has been getting his regular ride home, but we have seen each other at work. He hasn't made any effort to suggest we go out and do anything socially, or really made any effort to spend any time with me at all, but he's still really friendly and chatty in passing. Did I get the 'not ready for a relationship' brush off - or is he really sorting himself and his mum out?? In a previous conversation (prior to the drunk revelations!) he had told me that his mum is almost better and he'd be moving out in June. Do I wait until this happens and see if a relationship is pursued? Should we be seeing each other casually - or by his lack of asking me out even casually indicating his disinterest?? Should I just be giving him space, but continue to be friendly - or should I ask him out? Despite telling him how I felt - I was drunk and am nowhere near that forward in 'real life', and don't feel I could broach the subject again. Sorry for the length of this post - but any help (especially from the guys) would be grateful...
lovelorcet Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 hmm this is a little tough to call I think, but here is my feeling. He sounds like a pretty nice guy and he does seem to enjoy spending time with you. He was also very honest with you by saying he didn’t feel like he was up for a relationship at the moment. As far as why that is he did give you some reasons but I don’t think it really matters what they are or if they are the true reasons. Point is he does not feel ready. So he is my suggestion, do not chase him but you can still make sure that you guys have a chance to chat every now and then. He may come around at some point but don’t wait for him. This is nothing you can force and you just have to let things happen. He may have disengaged a little after turning you down because he is not sure how you wish to interact with him now.
Author AussieChick Posted May 11, 2006 Author Posted May 11, 2006 Hey, thanks so much for this - he is such an 'old fashioned guy' that it's really hard to tell whether he's just being polite - my gut feeling is to just be there - be myself - and come what may. But like you say, if someone else comes along I certainly won't wait for him. Not that anyone has been along in a while - so this probably won;t happen, lol
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