mattea Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 how much time do you spend with your significant other? how much time do you spend apart? i see my boyfriend a couple times a week and we usually spend somewhere between half to the whole weekend together. i adore this guy... he's sweet, fun, loving... ok, i've fallen in love with him. we've been together 6 months. i guess the confusing part for me is that i don't just feel like i want to be with him all the time, or even as much as possible. i like having my time alone, or time to hang out with other friends without him. actually, this is probably healthier than the way i've approached past relationships - it's just foreign to me. my confusion comes in because i want (eventually) to live with my partner, marry, have a family. however, right now it's hard for me to even imagine that since the amount we see each other now and living apart is quite fine with me. the couples i know who are living together or married say that they were just spending all their time together or at each other's places all the time and it was a natural progression. that's not what's going on for us. so what's the progression? how have relationships developed for other people?
Touche Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Others may not agree with this, but I believe this is an age/maturity thing. I was that way in my early 20's and changed later on. I'd say after the age of 26 I didn't feel that way anymore. Does this apply to you? Are you under the age of 26?
Author mattea Posted May 10, 2006 Author Posted May 10, 2006 touche - which way were you before 26 and which after? i'm thinking you mean that as you matured you stopped wanting to spend all your time with the person. or is it the other way around? i'm in my early 30s.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Shoot, I'm in my early twenties and I love staying home doing the family thing (of course this could be due to me having a family) But i was that way in my late teens. I'd hang out w/a guy long enough and then I would be like "ok, hes got to go" I think it just depends on mood, what situation your in, how much time you get alone, since we all need time alone. I live w/my SO, but he works ALOT so it's not like we spend every waking moment together, in fact... we prolly don't see each other as much as couples who don't live together. Anywho...
BeFree Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 The more comfortable you are bieng with yourself and the more independant you are will effect your desire to be with someone 24/7. I see me BF of 3.5 years three or four times a week. Does not bother me. However, I have freinds or co-workers much younger than I, thinking you should she your SO every day. Not for me. My sister who has never been alone and always been in a relationship thinks that if you love some one you would want to be around them ALL THE TIME. I say no thanks. It can wait until marriage.
whichwayisup Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 You two will just get into a routine of things once you are comfortable living together. At first (for me anyway) if I wanted to go do something in the house, I'd say, "Do mind if I go upstairs and watch TV in bed? There's a show on I wanna watch and I don't want to watch what you're watching..." Ofcourse, he did the same with me until one day it just happened and we got comfy with eachother. All that 'walking on eggshells' bit stops pretty fast! So don't worry! Eventually you get to the point where you are living together and each of you can do your own thing, or just hang out. It's not a big deal unless you make a big deal of it. Another thing I'd like to point out - Neither of you are there to 'entertain' the other person. Keep your hobbies, your friends and things you like to do alone going. Just because one is married or just living together as bf/gf, doesn't mean you give up that time. Each of you still has to have outside interests apart from eachother! It's healthier and also it's nice to have alone time to do what you want. Hope this helps.
Author mattea Posted May 10, 2006 Author Posted May 10, 2006 whichwayisup: that makes a lot of sense and helps a lot to. but now i have another related question: how did you decide to live together if you weren't seeing each other every day to begin with? i mean, if you really like and value that alone time, what's the reason behind wanting to co-habitate or marry?
Buttaflyy Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 whichwayisup: that makes a lot of sense and helps a lot to. but now i have another related question: how did you decide to live together if you weren't seeing each other every day to begin with? i mean, if you really like and value that alone time, what's the reason behind wanting to co-habitate or marry? I think that as your feelings progress, you will want to spend more time with your SO. Sounds like you're moving steadily now and it's a perfectly healthy relationship. Why the rush? Seems like you guys have a steady pace already.
Curmudgeon Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I quite agree that in time you should settle-in to a routine that's comfortable for you. When my wife and I married she was still working so we wlaked to work together, met for lunch, walked home together and spent almost all our leisure time together. It's what we both wanted. Three years ago my wife retired but I still work. However, we're together every evening and still enjoy spending our leisure time together. Every once in awhile she'll go visit a friend but she almost always comes home after two days because she misses it and me. This is what's comfortable for us and when I retire in a few years I've no doubt we'll spend most of our time together. This may not work for others!
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