GuestInTheShadows Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Hypothetically, if your close friend was being cheated on and you found out conclusively this was the case, would you tell them? What circumstances would change your decision? would you tell if they were bf/gf, but not if they were married? Would the fact the couple had children stop you? What if you knew this was the 3rd or 4th time it had happened? Would enough be enough then? Would it depend purely on the individuals involved, for eg if the partner treated their OH badly in other ways? Or would you never, ever tell, despite how much you loved your friend? If not, why not?
Bryanp Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 This seems like a no brainer. If the person is a close friend then of course you would tell them regardless. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you expect your close friend to tell you the truth?
Walking away Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 The person has a RIGHT to know and make decisions based on facts. I would want to know if I was being betrayed. At least then, I would know what kind of world I was navigating in. Can you share more of your story?
Blind Illusion Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I would tell my close friends and sisters. they would feel doubly betrayed if they ever found out that I knew and held this information. Other people I didn't know as well, I wouldn't get into their personal business because I don't know what that business is. I know of spouses that "look the other way" (I even know a man like that-people just assume it's only women that do this). Telling those people that already know would be like putting it in their face. They have their reasons for accepting it and now i am putting them on the spot to either act or explain.
silktricks Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 Hypothetically, if your close friend was being cheated on and you found out conclusively this was the case, would you tell them? What circumstances would change your decision? would you tell if they were bf/gf, but not if they were married? Would the fact the couple had children stop you? What if you knew this was the 3rd or 4th time it had happened? Would enough be enough then? Would it depend purely on the individuals involved, for eg if the partner treated their OH badly in other ways? Or would you never, ever tell, despite how much you loved your friend? If not, why not? I would absolutely tell a close friend. An acquaintance, however, I probably would not tell, though it would depend somewhat upon the circumstances. (what my relationship was with each, how I found out, etc.)
StrivingtoSucceed Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 My best friend? Definitely. Someone I didn't know that well, doubt it. I wouldnt want to get in the middle of their business. However, with that said I didn't tell my brother his wife was ... kissing other guys in a bar when we would go out. As much as I love him, I could not bring myself to be the bearer of bad news. I just couldn't. I hoped that she would stop. I hoped that she was just out like me, having a good time, drinking and enjoying herself and that it would never go any further. Then, after 9/11 she was activated from reserve status and went away for a year. Long story short, she was cheating on him, living with another guy, who was also married. They are now divorced and so is the other guy. Other guy moved here, but ex-sister-in-law is not happy. She wishes she never did the things she did and now realizes how great a guy my brother was, but feels stuck in the situation she created as my brother has moved on with his life and the other guy divorced his wife and moved her to live with her. But, that is a different story to the orginal question. Sad that I could tell my best friend, but not my brother. I would hope that if I were ever presented with the same situation I would, but since I didn't before can't really say.
Guitar Wizard Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 Yeah, no doubt If I found out anyone, even a random stranger was being cheated on, I would tell them. True, it may be hard to tell those you love that the person they have linked hearts with has betrayed them, but if you don't, who will? I would hope that if anyone found out I was being cheated on, they would tell me. I actually told my friend that his girl was messing around on him, and he didn't believe me. He'll find out eventually, so it doesn't matter. All I can do is say the words, I can't make him believe me. That's just how that goes sometimes.
catgirl1927 Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 Yes. If they were a friend of mine and I found out they were being cheated on, I would absolutely tell them. As soon as I found out. And I would hope my friends would do the same for me.
reservoirdog1 Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I think I would. That being said, however, I was on the receiving end of this situation. Several of my friends found out about a year before I did that WXW had cheated on me. They were pretty messed up about it; two of them talked to their respective parents about it, asking "what the f*ck should I do", and one spoke to his priest for guidance. Ultimately, two of them cornered WXW on a pretext, told her what they knew, and said that if she ever did it again, they'd go to me first. She confessed a year later, because she knew she was cornered. What my friends didn't know was that the cheating they knew about was only the tip of the iceberg. Would it have been better if they'd told me? I don't know. None of them had eyewitness or written evidence; it was all hearsay. When they confronted her, she apparently went white as a sheet and said "who told you that?" Wisely, they refused to divulge this, which limited her ability to spin her way out of it. If they'd told me and I'd confronted her, I must admit I'd probably have fallen for her spin. (BTW, Catgirl... cool sig quote about the Superfish. WTF happened to that fun-filled thread about interracial dating? Did somebody censor it?)
catgirl1927 Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 (BTW, Catgirl... cool sig quote about the Superfish. WTF happened to that fun-filled thread about interracial dating? Did somebody censor it?) I think that thread is best left a faint memory.
Jessie61 Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Would I tell my best friend if her H/BF was cheating and I had conclusive evidence - ie. more than hearing a rumour or just seeing him talking to another girl in the street? Yes, of course I would.
BUTAFLY Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 I would with out a dout tell them. A close friend of mine found out his partner was cheating on him for a year and all his friends new and said nothing. He is so hurt that people he considers to be friends said nothing. He told me he feels betrayed not only by his significant other but by his 'friends' also.
SoleMate Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Like most people here, I would tell only if it was a very close friend or my sister, AND if I had hard evidence.
OzGirl Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 I would absolutely tell a close friend. An acquaintance, however, I probably would not tell, though it would depend somewhat upon the circumstances. (what my relationship was with each, how I found out, etc.) I agree with this post. I would have some sort of evidence to support yoru claim, though. It would be hard for them to accept it without evidence, and not ambiguous evidence... something substantial. Whatever you say to your friend, they are no doubt going to confront their partner about. You should assist in making that process no more difficult for them by telling them a story they can't back up should they repeat it to the cheating partner... all they will have is that you told them... that's hardly going to wash well and result in anything except confusion, argument, and possibly, a bunch of lies. I also think your question is two-part.... should you tell them... and if so, HOW should you tell them. I would pre-fix it with "I'm telling you this because I care about you...".. etc. You need to also expect to be there to hold their hand and help 'pick up the pieces' should this news make their world fall apart. If you are the good friend who's revealing this to them, then I'm sure you would be there for them all the way.
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