etherealism Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 So I've decided to break NC. some of you may balk at the idea ... tomorrow is his birthday. the big 2-5. I don't know if I should call, txt msg him, or just leave a msg on myspace / email. I'm leaning towards the call during my lunch break. So that way I'm busy and can excuse myself that I cannot talk long. If he doesn't answer, I'll leave a msg saying "I just wanted to wish you a happy 25th and I hope that you have a good day today". I still miss him, love him, want him back and for us to try again. but me wishing him happy birthday ... I hope for the best but I don't expect anything out of it. just to let him know I thought of him. or maybe I'm using it as an excuse to contact him my life has been a mess lately, and I miss being able to call him up and talk to him about it ... and I so far have fought the urge. we broke up the end of january ... and while some have encouraged me to call him early in the breakup i did not. one month later, feb 28, I sent him an email ... a rather long email that was the most difficult thing I've ever written. it was the sort of email that should be either 100% sent or never seeing the light of day. I txt msged him to check his email, but it wasn't nec that he write back. I wanted him to know how I felt, and explain things to him. I gave it time because it would be an overwhelming email to read, muchless get a reaction to or him not knowing what to say. I left the country March 16 to clear my head to help heal. I came back a month later ... still in NC.
scobro Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 maybe I'm using it as an excuse to contact him Yeah you are and it is hard not too but really what is the point he doesn't care enough anymore so why should you.
KittenMoon Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 E- what's your motive in this? Keep in mind that in my recent contact drama, my ex ended up contacting ME first, and actually wanted to speak to me and know how I was doing. In addition we have various unresolved issues that were unavoidable. If your ex hasn't contacted you AT ALL, maybe this is not the best thing.
shelters Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 we broke up the end of january ... and while some have encouraged me to call him early in the breakup i did not. one month later, feb 28, I sent him an email ... a rather long email that was the most difficult thing I've ever written. I gave it time because it would be an overwhelming email to read, muchless get a reaction to or him not knowing what to say. I left the country March 16 to clear my head to help heal. I came back a month later ... still in NC. Well, in about four months I will be in the same boat. I haven't given it too much thought but I have given it *some* thought as to what I would do once his bday rolls around if we are still not in contact by that time. SO, I have no clear answers but: - tell us more about the reasons why you guys broke up. - what was the letter about? Did you discuss the problems/your feelings in your relationship and also give him the impression that you wanted to work on things? Or did you discuss the problems/your feelings and leave him with the impression you were doing that for closure (ie door now closed on your end)? - it sounds like he never responded to your letter, correct? - what are your expectations by reaching out to him today? - what do you fear if you don't reach out to him today?
Numbheart Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 "IF" you are prepared for a non response at worst, then I dont see a problem with just wishing him Happy Birthday. He will either get in touch / reply back or ignore you if he still wants NC. If it happened to me, it wouldnt make me feel more bitter towards anyone or push me further away, all it is is a message of Happy Birthday, a nice thought for someone to do....along with leaving the door open slightly. If you feel the NEED you HAVE to do this, then go for it, you'll soon learn if it was the wrong move.
whichwayisup Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 If you don't get the reaction you're hoping for, it will hurt you. I say don't do it! Read No Foolin's thread here and hopefully the wisdom in all the posts will prevent you from making a huge mistake and having to deal with unnecessary pain. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/
Author etherealism Posted May 10, 2006 Author Posted May 10, 2006 numbheart basically summed it up for me ... I'm not expecting anything or hoping for any specific reaction by me wishing him a happy birthday and am prepared for no response from him. Lately 2 friends have told me, if its eating at you ... and want closure or reconcile to contact him. but i remained steadfast stubborn abiding by NO CONTACT rules and guidelines. lol If I get a response from him, I think I am more unprepared for that. At our friends' party last month, I felt like I had to mentally prepare myself on the chance if he should show up. I looked forward and dreaded it all at once. My fear? Well I would hope he doesn't mumble, "crazy psycho b!tch whatever". but I haven't done anything to warrant that ... and knowing him it won't happen. my expectations? I have none because to have any would just give way to pain and let down no he never responded to my letter. which I knew was a possibility. they always read. they just might not respond. It was something I had to let out. i don't know which category my letter would fall under. reconcile or closure. [sIZE=1][FONT=verdana] [/FONT][/sIZE]*sigh* perhaps under reconcile ... overall i sounded like a girl in pain and still in love, who should drop hopes of law school and become a romance novelist. I stated that "[sIZE=1][FONT=verdana]I know, (am trying to) understand, and accept the fate you've chosen for us with your decision to leave; to end our relationship. Although I must admit its been with a heavy heart and a few tears. Perhaps everything was a mistake. Nonetheless, one that I would gladly make again " [/FONT][/sIZE]and [sIZE=1][FONT=verdana]"I know better and don't expect anything in return, but wish that you remain a part of my life. I enjoy your companionship, the time we've shared whether together or apart. It gives purpose to the little meaningless facets in life and adds vibrant colors to the gray areas. I've given this a great deal of thought... even though at the moment it seems sudden and unrealistic."[/FONT][/sIZE]
alphamale Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I'm not expecting anything or hoping for any specific reaction by me wishing him a happy birthday then why are you even thinking of contacting him? makes no sense whatsoever.
KittenMoon Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 E- I think since he hasn't contacted you at all, nothing, you should just let this pass. You still sound like you want a reconciliation, or at least just some attention from him. His birthday is giving you an excuse to contact him, so wait and don't. If you really feel the need, maybe you could send a card a week or so later, just saying Happy Birthday nothing more. Not an email or text or phone call- there's a natural expectation those forms of contact will be returned.
Numbheart Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 E- there's a natural expectation those forms of contact will be returned. I agree with that, however, if you are seeking closure or reconcile, and it really is eating you up, then only you know what to do for your best interest. Personally, I'd rather try my best and fail than not to try at all, but thats just me and I am not really trying to offer advice, just more of an opinion....different opinions can help you form your own decision, as obviously, not everyone is the same or thinks the same, but please just dont follow what you "want" to hear, try and make a balanced judgement. NC is a guide as many people point out, many can cope with using it, some cant, if your still feeling uncomfortable this long down the line then go with your instincts, we have them for a reason......you may be surprised, although I would not get your hopes up, alternatively it may give you finally what you require to truely move on, if your at this stage, I dont see it hurting you much more (as long as your expectations are for more closure or surprise) or damaging anything further, but thats only my own point of view.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 Sweetie, you poured your heart out to him -- just as I did to my ex (several times, actually) -- and what was his reaction? Silence. He disregarded your feelings. Again. Please, I implore you. Don't do it again. Don't allow yourself to be vulnerable to him. He will only ignore you again...thereby hurting you. Again. Both of us need to bury our hopes of ever hearing from our exes again. And I can guarantee you that if we did hear from them, it would only be after a very long period of silence from us. And even then, the chances of that happening are slim to none. Instead, we both need to focus on becoming stronger...readying ourselves to let someone else into our hearts. Someone who will see our expressions of love and loyalty as a precious gift, never to be thrown away.
shelters Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I'm guessing whatever decision you made has since been acted on (or not). I hope either way that it went well for you.
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