eyeswideshut Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I find it odd that one would only find "the love of one's life" outside of their marriage. Maybe people get married because it's the thing to do, and then, along the way, they just meet someone who is the love of their life and then they are stuck. Anyway, that's what I've been feeling lately. My MM has all these questions lately, wondering, why is it, that we have sooo much in common, and why is it, after all these years of knowing one another that only now, (when he was considering divorce, and when i broke up with my fiancee) we notice each other? I spoke to him on the phone tonight. he told me he was going to come over some time, but he'd call in advance, because he didn't want to intrude. he said he was so afraid that I would ever get mad at him. He says he wouldn't be able to handle it. (his wife gets angry at him all the time, but it doesn't bother him, he just fights back) But I wonder, could it be that he is just testing the grounds, to see if we'd be a potential couple? (wouldn't that be the wise thing to do?) i mean, what if I do the NC thing, and then he leaves her eventually, and we hook up and its' totally not meant to be. besides, i've got nothing to lose right? arghhhh. I am beginning to get on my nerves. One question though... does the OW consider herself to be evolved mentally, in leading this double life, that no simple, uncomplex person would ever consider doing? what the hell is wrong with us OW!!! I'm Aquarian, so it goes with my sign to be so open-minded. arghhhh
officespace Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 This will piss some of the ladies off, but, yeah....I believe somehow this man and the connection we feel is SO strong, so RIGHT, because of the....safety of it all. Yes, safety. Isn't the irony that is feels so dangerous when you are deep in it, in the beginning. And the stakes of all its; (affair/post separation relationship; that's all i can speak to) fallout. The problem is, the reality of fallout. It's usually coward, lame, less than we expected, or in my case, nothing at all. They usually don't lose anything; the wife stays in an eternal holding pattern, mad but still there; kids stay, most of the time the home seems stays in tact. We...we (sigh)... we we lose ourselves. Our morals, our standards of treatment. Our self respect, our looks (sometimes), our optimism about true love. They do lose things, sure.....they feel the drama. They hurt others. But somehow, they seem to endure it all. What happens to us??? What the HELL happens to us in the process of this whole escapade? For everyone. I fault my own pattern so I don't judge. Think about it, though....
OldEurope Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 EWS--- With these things, it seems to me--that is, those cases I know of and including my own--the OW must Make An Ultimatum and Stick With It once the relationship has matured, you are in love, and your mind starts spinning just as yours is now. You must not continue to live like this because what happens is, is that your mind (you Aquarian you) will start habituating itself to these emotional, psychological and logistical patterns(not seeing him enough but being "ok" with that)--a certain kind of all-around treatment. Its how OW get "sucked in" and stick around for too long, making endless justifications and excuses. Then the self-esteem just dries up completely and bitterness settles in. Careful, careful, careful... Let him come to you. Just turn the phone off, stop pacing, live life again fully, to the point of distraction if you must. But you must let him come to you wholly and totally.
movinon05 Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 You're doing the "what ifs" again. Because you talked to him. Which will suck you in again. You say "you've got nothing to lose." Well you have a lot to lose if you continue to live in a state of "waiting til he does it so you can find out if you're meant to be." And thus, you stop living a fulfilling life. I'm Aquarius too and I know what you mean about being open minded. But you're still stifling your life. I think the next few coming months are going to tell you whether you're going to continue in this cycle for years to come. And if so, you'll be kicking yourself in the butt. In the end, you could very well lose your self esteem and self worth.
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