Noos Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 They marry a woman that they can't talk to about serious stuff and then use their female friends to help them deal with any emotional issues that arise in their lives?
Tim'sAngel Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 They marry a woman that they can't talk to about serious stuff and then use their female friends to help them deal with any emotional issues that arise in their lives? Could you be a tad more specific?
lovelorcet Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Well, either they signed up for the good looking “fake” chick and realized a few years down the road that there is only a lot of hot air between her ears. Or they are using the emotional problems as a fishing expedition which could result in some kind of A.
summergirl Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I know! And I dont really like the situation. I got a couple of my male friends that act like that, they can't communicate well or talk about certain subjects with their SO's, but they can talk and share openly to me. I think deep in their heart they really love their SO's, that's why they dont leave them.
Alexandra Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 They marry a woman that they can't talk to about serious stuff and then use their female friends to help them deal with any emotional issues that arise in their lives? A friendship connection and a romantic connection are not having the same exact set of emotions at play. One of the hardest things in any marriage is getting the friendship balance right. There's such thing as not friends enough but surprisingly there is also such a thing as "too close". Gross generalizations below Most couples are together but not friends in the least. Sure, they talk about current events and practical things but they really aren't very close and intimate hence the both of them find that bit with other people around them (family, friends). Some found the right line in that and it works just fine for them, especially those that weren't too intimacy prone in the first place. Other couples have first been very close best friends and then progressed to a romantic couple and those can encounter the problems that arise from being too close of friends "Honey since you're my best friend can I cuddle in your arms and tell you all about how this chick at work gave me a hardon today? You know I tell you everthing, let's analyse my feelings." And then there are the exceptions, the ones like Curmudgeon and his wife who happened to strike it well to begin with, they're friends -in the right amount- and they enjoy their closesness. There's evidently no magic formula since we all need different things and quite possibly the sort of guy you're referring to, is needing women like you as friends and girls like the ones they married as wives. Whether you give that to them or not is a different story.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Noos, are you the married one or the female friend?
Alexandra Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Noos' date=' are you the married one or the female friend?[/quote'] I suspect the latter, Noos is single.
prfrogkisser Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 A friendship connection and a romantic connection are not having the same exact set of emotions at play. One of the hardest things in any marriage is getting the friendship balance right. There's such thing as not friends enough but surprisingly there is also such a thing as "too close". Gross generalizations below Most couples are together but not friends in the least. Sure, they talk about current events and practical things but they really aren't very close and intimate hence the both of them find that bit with other people around them (family, friends). Some found the right line in that and it works just fine for them, especially those that weren't too intimacy prone in the first place. Other couples have first been very close best friends and then progressed to a romantic couple and those can encounter the problems that arise from being too close of friends "Honey since you're my best friend can I cuddle in your arms and tell you all about how this chick at work gave me a hardon today? You know I tell you everthing, let's analyse my feelings." And then there are the exceptions, the ones like Curmudgeon and his wife who happened to strike it well to begin with, they're friends -in the right amount- and they enjoy their closesness. There's evidently no magic formula since we all need different things and quite possibly the sort of guy you're referring to, is needing women like you as friends and girls like the ones they married as wives. Whether you give that to them or not is a different story. Couldnt answer it better than this:cool:
alphamale Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 They marry a woman that they can't talk to about serious stuff and then use their female friends to help them deal with any emotional issues that arise in their lives? friends can be more objective espeically if the issues revolve around his marriage. women do the same thing also.
Woggle Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 My wife and I are close friends as well as lovers so we can talk about anything but with some women and I guess some men as well you can't be that open without starting a huge fight.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I've talked to my close guy friends before about issues w/my relationships. Guys know guys just like girls know girls. There are just some things you can't discuss w/you SO. Have you not ever asked your guy friends about issues in your relationship?
witabix Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 ****Major cynicism alert****** They are trying to bed these 'female friends'. Thats my honest opinion. When you are in a relationship and tell someone something that your SO 'doesn't understand', of a personal nature, you are inviting the 'friend' into your personal life. Your SO may have a different view on how appropriate this is. Esp. if its a member of the opposite sex. Relationships are meant to be private, for the most part, violating your SO's privacy in such a way is not a cool thing to do. I have dealt with female friends attempting to confide in me in this fashion with a curt, "Not my business, I don't need to know, talk to him" reply. Not rude, but clearly stating that I will not step into someone's private relationship in this fashion.
Author Noos Posted May 11, 2006 Author Posted May 11, 2006 I'm single but it's not me I'm talking about. It was a guy I know who is close friends with one of my best friends - they went to law school together (known each other for 16 years) have fun together, can share their deepest emotional thoughts and problems but instead of getting togther with her, he married an American girl he met in Paris. His wife is from a wealthy family, spoiled, a former cheerleader and a sorority chick. You know the type I'm getting at - she's a trophy wife. They now live in her home town on Portland and he rings my friend in Australia to seek her advice and emotional support on things he should be able to talk to his wife about - i.e. work, career, what he wants out of life, what is making him sad etc. I asked my friend why and she said it is because he reckons his wife wouldn't have the patience or understand his feelings on these things? Well, why the feck did you marry her, buddy?? It's like having a relationship with a guy but without all the good stuff.
Curmudgeon Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 Well, I'm glad it's just one guy and not "men" in general. I married my intellectual equal and not only is there nothing we can't discuss, there's nothing about us I'd discuss with another. I find that disloyal. But of course, he married the trophy wife with the well-to-do family and perhaps that says it all.
whichwayisup Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 They marry a woman that they can't talk to about serious stuff and then use their female friends to help them deal with any emotional issues that arise in their lives? Not all men are like this, I can promise you that!
VegasFan Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I've talked to my close guy friends before about issues w/my relationships. Guys know guys just like girls know girls. There are just some things you can't discuss w/you SO. I agree with this 100%. Guys know guys and girls know girls. Sometimes it helps to get an objective opinion from a third party of the opposite sex.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 Well, I'm glad it's just one guy and not "men" in general. I married my intellectual equal and not only is there nothing we can't discuss, there's nothing about us I'd discuss with another. I find that disloyal. But of course, he married the trophy wife with the well-to-do family and perhaps that says it all. Of course it is disloyal to talk about personal issues w/in the relationship, be it marriage or long term, like say your SO has a sexual disfunction or something very private like that, but when it comes to things that baffle men about women in general, or the other way around, I don't see whats wrong with talking to a friend about it. For ex. "I don't understand why my wife wears so much makeup, I think she is naturally beautiful" then the friend could explain to him that women wear makeup because maybe they are insecure about something and want to cover it up. Now, would a man know something like that? No, but a women would
VegasFan Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 You all do see the irony in this thread I hope. We're all on this discussion forum discussing our relationship problems, and then stating that it's wrong to discuss our relationship problems with anyone other than our spouses...
Author Noos Posted May 12, 2006 Author Posted May 12, 2006 No - we're talking about a guy who doesn't bother his spouse with any problems - he's having the sexual and financial benefits relationship with her and all the heavy emotional stuff gets thrown onto my friend. My friend gets none of the fringe benefits of a good relationship. We're talking about aguy who married for image instead of marrying a girl who didn't fit the image but with whom he had everything in common. It's not fair to my friend.
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