Guest Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 I was in the situation about 2 months ago. I'm 35 years old and had not even kissed a man in like 6 years. Needless to say I was desperate and horny. I recently moved to Louisiana (March 06') to stay with a cousin who had a house full of his working crew. See, he came down here to make money helping people repair homes and businesses. Well needless to say, none of his crew was even friendship material let alone relationship. He had of men working for him that were drunks, addicts, bombs, etc.. There was one guy here that I began to notice. First of all he was really cute but after observing him for awhile I saw some very negative things about him. First off, he was real fidgity and couldn't seem to be still. This is a sign of a crack addict. I did not want to believe he was a crack head being that he was only 25 years old. Another thing that I noticed about him was that, every morning my cousin would have to wake him up to go to work. I mean literally yell his name several times over to get him up for work. Complete turn off also. What type of man needs someone to make him get up to go to work and make some money? A man who has no ambition has nothing. I also knew he was seeing some girl down the street but they could never get serious because she had a boyfriend and would not even give him her number. I also noticed that she regularly walked her dog by the house, of course looking for "C" (not going to print his full name). Other guys at the house were trying to talk to her too, I mean she is cute but they weren't really an item. One time I saw him in front of her yard talking, like they use to do a lot, before I came, but only did every blue moon now. At this time she doesn't walk her dog this way anymore. Everybody knows they use to talk and now maybe they are just friends now; hell, I don't know. Back to me and "C." Well I determined that he definitely wasn't relationship material, that was completely out but I am human and since I had no companion and no car to get around, he was there. I found myself daydreaming about him making love to me night after night... I was so horney and lonely I started looking at guys that I would never consider for anything in a million years. I knew I would have to do something. Finally, I noticed that he sort of liked me; he would get mad when I socialized with other men at the house for the most part, but what really sealed the deal on how he felt about me was one night when he, myself and his cousin were sitting on the porch talking. He let me know clearly but slyly that he was interested. I remained friendly but shrugged his advances off. I noticed that he was angry about this also. Well, he got over it and soon. One day I saw him down the way talking to his "friend" or whatever she was to him at that time. I was on my bike and I noticed him trying to hide. Whatever. I could have cared less, after all he wasn't my man. As soon as he came back to the house he stood in front of my bedroom door and pretended to be interested in my german shepherd puppy. He asked if he could come in and of course I said "yes." It was time to let him know how I felt. Well we talked for awhile and this is how the convo went down: I asked him how he felt about me and he said he did not know how he felt. He was very honest for the most part. I told him how I had been sexually fantasizing about him damned near every night and he told be that even though he kind of liked me he had to admit that he had not been thinking about me every night like that. I went on to tell him that I would like to have sex with him and that I was not looking for a relationship and that I didn't think he was relationship material. I also wanted us to remain "cool" as in don't fall out or nothing afterwards. Cause I know how things like this end up happening. I told him this may only be the only time and no matter what happened after this we should get alone, no hard feelings on either part. As far as I remembered, he agreed. We engaged in the act and afterwards he began to asked questions. He wanted to know was this all I wanted? Would I be doing it with anyone else in the house? Would we let others know that we were an item? Would we be kissing and hugging, etc.. in front of everyone? Then he told me that I could not do this with "anyone" else and please not to make him hate me. Having very few experiences with men I already knew that you cannot take every word that comes out of a mans mouth as truth or what he really wants; you'll see all of that in his actions. A couple of people say him come into my room and leave out in the morning, so word around the house began to fly. I knew this would happen, but all they had to do was mind their damned business after all we were both grown ass people. After ward I treated him as just another member of the house, but he had a problem with this. He started talking about how we should be open about how we feel(?) and that everyone already knew. I was wondering if he had forgotten about our little talk that night. Well needless to say, in my desparation and stupidity and starting laxing my own original intentions; I thought, hell I was not involved with anyone and he did not have a girlfriend, why can't we get a little closer? Especially in the midst of all these men who he was jealous of, thinking that I could probably end up liking or doing something with them. Which was of couse, never going to happen anyway as I had told him. I began to allow myself to get closer to him. Bringing him his beer, coming out to see him when he got off work, just letting everybody know that he was special to me. I couldn't see it then but my desparation was showing emensely; after all I had not even dated a man in six years. I was smothering him and pushing him away without even realizing it. He began to ignore me in front of everybody else. One time I spoke to him when his cousin was around and he would not even speak back. I had asked him to take a walk with me one day, I wanted to talk to him about his addiction and just alot of more spiritual things. He said yes but the day we were supposed to take our little walk, he was in the back yard sitting with a friend. I came around with my puppy ready to walk. He acted as if he didn't know what the hell I was standing there for. I was angry but just walked my puppy around the block by myself. Later on that night, we were on the porch by ourselves and I brought the situation up to him; I told him I did not appreciate what he did. He told me that I did not say anything about walking when I approached him in the back yard but he knew damned well what I was there for. I told him that I was not trying to walk with him down the street were the girl he used to talk to was, I was going to take him the opposite way. He said he was not married to anybody and we didn't have to walk the opposite way because of her. Well, I was like, what is the problems? I knew what the problem was. I had let my feelings get involved. Now everything was all twisted. I found myself liking a man that was totally not my type (except for physically). I broke all my own rules and I slept with him without hardly even knowing him; knowing full well that if I was going to like and develop feelings for someone I would not be having sex with them anytime soon. But I had no intentions at first, of liking him. By now he is treating me like a step child. One night after all of this we were on the porch talking, then another day we talked in the living room and in my bedroom and he did tell me that he was afraid of getting hurt and that he had a long relationship that fell apart. He was obviously not over his ex, as he described her as his "wife-in-law" (I heard she left him for another woman who just happened to be his cousin) He also told me that he was not compatible because of his crack habit, which I already knew. He told me he could not believe he was on crack. I asked him if he wanted to get off he answer was a yes and a no. Yes because he knew it was destroying him and no because he did not have the will power. I let him know I had compassion for him, also knowing that he had went to rehab and came out just to get back on crack. I also knew that I would no longer allow my feelings to be involved in my interactions with him. I wasn't going to be ugly to him, but from then on there would be no sex and no special feelings or actions towards him anymore. I had been a fool already and on top of that, I let him decieve me concerning him wanting us to be all out in the open, know full well that me need distance in the beginning of any involvement with a woman. They don't want things to move to fast, regardless of what they say. I wish I had allowed myself to at least date during the past 6 years. Then I wouldn't have been so uptight and desparate; and probably would have been married. One day he came in with the intention of coming back for sex later and the hard, cold stare I gave him made him move a few steps backwards. He was going to grab and kiss me, I did not have to say a word, I stood still while he looked in my eyes and saw whatever it was that he saw. He bagged up quickly and said bye and he was on his way to work. That night he was on the porch by himself, looking as if he wanted me to stop and talk but I just walked in the house not saying anything to him. I wasn't trying to be mean, it was just time to stop the bull s***. Well to make a long story a little shorter, he ended up in jail in Alabama. He would be there for six weeks. Right after he went to jail, my cousin asked me what I did to him; that he was in love with me. Whatever. When he came back I just treated like a friend. He came in my room for sex and instead I gave him a piece of my mind. Yes, I gave him some mind sex, which is the most rational and objective sex you can have. But I messed up a few days ago, again in my horniness I had sex with him again. Well I am human. Stupid but human. Dumb as hell cause for the 3rd time I did not make him use protection, I did not have any cause I was not use to having sex on any regular basis which is not an excuse. I'm not really worried about pregnancy because I have been told by quite a few sources that this would be a near impossibility for me; but what about disease and the slight possibility of pregnancy? Folks please don't be as dumb and careless as I have been. This is what is wrong with the world concerning illegitimate births, fatherless children, the decline of marriage and strong intact families etc.... Anyway I am back to square one and determined to keep my word. All hell break loose or whatever, my word for now on is bond. I have continued to treat him as friendly neighbor; despite the mistake of sleeping with him again. I plan to have another long talk with him to put everything in proper perspective; regardless if he is hurt or angry by it or whatever. I will let him know that as soon as I meet someone he will have to accept it, like I will accept it if he finds someone. After all we are not boyfriend and girlfriend, but feelings are involved and because of this, I have to be carefull. I don't want to hurt him but I must be realistic about things he must also. He has been through a lot; dad murdered, mom died suddenly, family disowned him took his houses from him and a good deal of the money his mom left him after her death. Hes on drugs, been homeless, have slept under bridges, etc... I have been through a lot in my life too. Never knew my dad, mom abused me in every kind of way and told me all the time that she did not like me, rejected and mistreated by grandma, aunt, suffered(s) low self-esteem, never finished college, etc.. We do not need to be hurting each other. I want to be there for him like a friend and confidente, maybe even a counselor... but I got to get completely over my feelings for him (on my way). Yesterday he told my cousin and a friend of his that I was his "companion." We've got to talk quick. I don't know if this is because of his drug habit or some personality disorder, but he will say something and actually mean something else. When I talk to him I feel like I am talking to different people at different times and either one might be sober or tweeking.... This will be a hard one, but I plan to work through it with prayer and compassion and some very hard love. So no, I would tell anyone to forget about the "f***buddy." Too many potential problems. And like the older person up above said, we need to be more principled when it comes to sexual relations. Love and Peace to you all, Dragon Pat
Salustrade Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Ok, I have this friend of mine I am sexually attracted to, he is such a hottie. I know he likes me too and we've been eyeing each other for so long. One night I ran into him in a club, and we did a very steamy dance, and groped each other. After that, he asked me several times jokingly about his naughty plans, and most of the time I responded positively about the invitation but kept him guessing/curious. But he was always talking without actualizing his words. He has a gf now. But i dont care because i think we see each other not as a gf/bf-material. I really want to ask him to rise our "friendship" level into F*** Buddies, but what is the best way to say it? If I ask this proposal jokingly and coy he will take it not too serious and I dont get a definite answer. But If I'm serious it will scare him away! ^^^As he already has a girlfriend this would not be fair. How would you like it if he was your boyfriend and he f*** buddies?
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