TheNinja Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Hey there I'll give you a little background... my girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago, giving me the lets just be friends line, because she's confused about what she wants to do with her life and dosen't want a serious relationship right now, etc, we were in a year and a half long relationship, and we were going to move a few hours away together, I'm 20, she's 19. Anyways, I cut off contact with her for almost a week and a half, during which she still called me every day, but I made sure I kept the conversations brief and kept myself busy. One time during that week I hung out with her for a bit, and she acted like she was a friend, nothing more. Over the weekend we went out to an indian reservation in the western part of the state with her mother. It was a fun trip, but she started acting like we were in a relationship! She was very affectionate, fell asleep on me during the ride over, asked me to hold her hand when we were crossing the street, put her arm around me when we were places, kissed me a couple times and we even slept in the same bed in the hotel that night, and we wound up having sex. Now I think you can see why I'm a little confused by this behavior. I just don't know what the hell is going on. Is she thinking about getting back with me, or does she just want to have the benifits of a relationship without the commitment? We're both in love with each other, and I know I'd still like to have a relationship with her, but this act like a friend one day and act like my girlfriend the next day is just confusing as hell. I think my game plan is to just hang out with her not too often and see what happens, but part of me wants to call her and just say "look, what the hell do you want?"... I'm not sure what to make of all this, if anone can offer some insight it would be great.
amerikajin Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 I think what happens is that a lot of women need security. Sometimes, they will appear to be seeking a romantic relationship, although beneath the surface they are merely looking for the security that comes with that relationship, not so much a true romance. In other words, she really needs your company even though she doesn't really want a romance with you anymore. Those feelings may not be so intense when she's giving you the 'let's just be friends' spiel, but when she's sitting at home on a Friday or Saturday night and hasn't made up her mind about what she wants to do, that's when it hits her: 'I need him here with me'. She's probably getting herself confused, but in the end, I think your bottom line is still the same: I think the relationship itself is over. I may be wrong but my sense is that when she finds someone who turns her on and when she thinks she can get that companionship from someone else, she'll drop you like a cigarette butt. I'd be very careful right here and pick her brain to see exactly where she's at right now.
maxima888 Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Alright I am just giving you a bit of my experience which doesn't mean its true for everyone. I was in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend for 5years and when she hit 19 and I was 20 the same event happened. She gave me the lets be friends talk and then I did what your game plan said, 'Stay back and kept myself busy tried to make myself unavailable'. Next thing I knew she was dating someone else and I think they have beee together for well over a year now. So hopefully this helped you in some ways.
Walk Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Personally, I think it'd be better for you to cut the cord with her right now. I've never had a "lets be friends" situation work out well. It always ends with one of us getting really crushed. I found the best thing to do is the NC route. You still have too many feelings for her and you're only going along with the friends thing because you don't want the relationship to end. But she's already ended it. At this point, she's using you to fill a gap until a replacement comes along. She may not be doing this intentionally, and I doubt she's doing it to hurt you on purpose, but she has made the decision to end the relationship. I think you should show her what it really means. Remove yourself completely from her life. Two things come from this. One, you can begin the healing process and start moving forward with your life. Two, it will help her by not allowing her to cling to you as a security line. She will be forced to confront her issues and hopefully allow her to re-evaluate what she wants in life. It's kind of like tough love, but I think by allowing her to use you you're only helping her avoid her own issues. Plus its causing you a lot of mental distress that you really do not need to go through. And there's a slim chance that if you allowed her to realize how much she misses having you in her life, that she might want to try to work this out. Highly unlikely though. But right now she doesn't have to miss you because you're still there. Except now she's also free to date others, she's not accountable to you, and she still has the security of knowing she can call you when she's lonely. Stop playing her game. It's not healthy for you.
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