dorothys Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I first posted this in the Divorce and Separation forum in the hopes of getting some replies. Someone suggested I post it here instead for a better chance of response, so I did. It is a pretty perplexing situation, so any advice would be appreciated. My story is this; I am going through a divorce after 1yr of marriage. We had a new baby in February, and that same day my husband told me that he wanted a divorce. Quite a shock I must admit, things weren’t going the best but I had no clue. Since he filed for divorce he has become more clingy and loving. We still live together by the way, at least until the end of the month. He says he still loves me and freaks out if I don’t say, “ love you” back. I have asked about the possibility of going for counseling, but he says it is too late for that. Still he acts like he is totally in love with me. Text messages me love notes. Puts my pictures up in his office, and wears this wedding ring. When we talked about moving, he suggested that I move to the same apartment complex as him. Isn’t that weird?? At first I was devastated about the marriage breaking up, but now I am looking forward to moving. His mixed messages are driving me crazy. Any suggestions on how I should handle this situation? Does anyone think Divorcebusters would work? I must add that an affair is not a possibility. We spend every waking moment together, and that is not an exaggeration. Also I must add that he is a 100% devoted father. Our daughter is his whole world, and he filed for shared custody of her.
johan Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I don't know what advice you're after. What would you like to have happen?
Author dorothys Posted May 10, 2006 Author Posted May 10, 2006 I would like any advice on how to salvage my marriage. Also if anybody has a take my husband perplexing behavior it would much appreciated. We are both very much in love with each other, and we have a new baby. So, I think repairing whatever is broken might be possible.
Author dorothys Posted May 10, 2006 Author Posted May 10, 2006 He kind of changes what he says is the problem depending on what mood he is in. Most of the time he just says he wishes he could save the marriage, but it is best for all involve ending it. I usually take this to mean that he doesn’t want to be a stepparent anymore to my 7yr old daughter, now that he has a daughter of his own. He was really awesome at while we were dating, and first married. But, as my pregnancy got farther along he began to care for her less and less. He clearly favors my stepson, and our daughter together. In his eyes, then can do no wrong. Now, my daughter, once a blessing, can do no right. Sometimes he will allude to the times I pushed him away when I was pregnant as the cause. I have mild depression and take St. John’s Wart to control it. When we found out I was pregnant, he asked me to stop taking all medication. I did so reluctantly with urging from him. He told me that I could take it as soon as our baby was born, and that he would understand any anxiety or depression that I had. Again and again he told me that he would hold it against me, and he would be 100% supportive. My husband even suggested that we get joint counseling to help me deal with the depression. Once I had the baby, all talk of counseling and support went out the window.
johan Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Dorothy, I don't know what to say on this one. I think it's lame to have a new baby and then decide you don't want to be married. That's poor planning. If he isn't good to your daughter, then maybe you have a reason to agree with him that things should end. If he won't go to counseling and has given up, I don't know how to advise you to change his mind. Why he seems so contradictory is a mystery. I can tell you're in pain. I can't imagine how hard this probably is for you. I think you should keep posting and I think people on LS here should support you. I wish you the best.
Just Visiting Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Wow...where is this guy?? I would like to give him a swift kick to the butt! Favoring one child over another is so immature and selfish. All this wavering back and forth is bullsh*t. I am sooo sorry you have to go through this. Especially with a new baby and all. You can't improve the marriage by living under separate roofs. Either he gets serious about dealing with what is the root of all this drama, or proceed with the divorce. It takes two to tango and get things on the up & up. You don't have to put up with this type of nonsense. Children are involved and no one should have to drag them through their own personal dramas...life is too short. Work on yourself in regards to the depression and getting healthy again. If he wants to continue behaving like a child..then let him. You are a woman and mother who deserves to be treated with love, respect, and honesty.
Skeered Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 ^^^ totally agree This sickens me that he is behaving this way. But you need to focus on you and your children. I would have a hard time when he said he loved me and wanted me to return it, not saying to him...kiss my a$$ what you are doing isn't love, it's cruel..I'm not sure how you have responded to his "words" about love and marriage etc. but it sounds like you need to get tough and tell him what LOVE really is and what he's doin ain't it... I'm sorry you are going through this, but LS is a great place for words of encouragement and help...so as they say in AA keep coming back, it works...lol take care.
Mistaken Identity Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 It sounds like he's holding back some information. Start looking around. Do some detective work.
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