Andy11 Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I met this girl online and we started talking everyday. We started talking about everything from relationships, family, school. Anyway....she lives in Greece and i live in the States. A year into talking on the phone everyday and getting to know her....she asks me to visit. SO i visit Greece we have a great time...go places, sex, get to know one another even more. I know she really like me and i like here also at this point. I get back to the states and we still continue talking everyday. We do things over the phone.............this goes on for another 7 months. Then she asks me if i see this going anywhere? I know she cares for me a lot and loves me. She asks if either of us are willing to move? I say there is no way i can move there and shes says the same about here. I get really depressed at this point. I have a history of depression to begin with. Anyway, this is where we are now. She says to perhaps be friends and talk a lot, but move on with our lives. She says it too difficult to be this apart and try to be together. In a way she is right, but a part of me is attached and i dont want to give this up. Is she right in telling me to maintain friendship since neither of us are gonna move? I am depressed at this point....i dont know what to do. I wish circumstances were different. Is she being rational and i am not? Please help
Keen Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 Dear Andy11, Please don't let your history of depression bother you in this matter. While I understand that because of this issue, you may feel depressed all over again, but it is ok to feel sad and confused, so don't deny yourself those emotions, but don't overwhlem yourself by letting the mood last either. First off, what are the reasons for you not being able to move there? And what are HER reasons for not being able to move to the States? Is it because of money, or job, or family, or something else? You did not state the reasons. Even if you DO have the reasons, look at them objectively. Since you mentioned that you both talk about school, I assume that the two of you are still studying. If that is so, I can understand how it seems impossible to move there or here. what choice do you have? You definitely need to finish school, because that's what going to get you a job. Sad to say, without a job, you can also forget about anything else like spending your life with the girl. The same goes for her. The both of you cannot start thinking of being together if there is no stable income to support yourselves. Don't let this depress you. Look at it more positively. At least now you know why you can't move there, or why she can't move to you yet. Now the question is - do the two of you want to continue seeing each other, and make concrete plans towards a future? You don't have to promise anything to her if you don't, but if you think she's right for you, then continue to discuss about your future together along the way. Bring it up now and then if she doesn't. You don't have to decide now, but talking about each other's desires and plans for a future helps you to discover what could work out for the both of you. You should explain to her gently how you feel about all this. Tell her and be honest that you find it difficult to let go, but that at this point of time, it's also not easy for you to just pack up and leave. Help your girl see your side of things, otherwise it is very easy for her to misunderstand your lack of commitment as a sign of lack of interest. Finally, be sensitive to how she feels, and also be aware of how YOU feel in this thing. she is a smart girl for backing off when it seems it's too difficult, and in a way she is right. But if you're willing to make it happen (and think carefully on this..it could take years, not just a few months, years), then talk it over with her. Many of us here have kept LDRs for many years, some more than 5 and that is saying a lot. Even 2 years is something special. I am in my 3rd year and my BF lives in England while I am in Southeast Asia. Think about it carefully, and talk it over with her.
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