Guest Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 My boyfriend and I started out slow (we know each other for 2 years) and have been together since last summer. I believe he is a good-hearted, smart, playful guy, and I do like many of his good personalities. However, I also recently found out he had been arrested for more than once (he said he forgot what it was about but I think it was about driving without auto insurance) and had terrible credit history (still has a bunch of unresolved collection debts and had been turned down for a credit card application recently). In summary, he never checks his mails and pays his bills on time. On top of that he's been addicted to playing online game for 1 year now and we had discussed over this at least 30 times without a good conclusion being drawn. Everytime I confronted him with his problems and offered him help, he said he does want to change but yet he has not been co-operative when I asked him about his credit score and personal info like that. I also told him if he does not want to change, may be we should just split, but he insists he wants to keep trying. (without success!) I am the one who has to worry about where we're moving to (his current apt lease with his current roomates will end soon and we talked about moving out together to somewhere else), and where is this relationship heading eventually. I was so frustrated last night I asked him if he had ever thought about the future. He said he doesn't have all the answers. I wonder should I just leave him or still stand the ground of trying to help him. All these months we've been together, these problems are in the way. I don't think we ever had spent any quality time together, most of the time he just plays his online game without blinking his eyes. I can't even find a good opportunity to talk to him on a regular basis, and everytime when I start, it's already too late in the night and I am already too frustrated that I breaks down into tears. We have never said I love you to each other, even though at many times, I thought we were doing fine and we're meant to be together. Is the only way to urge him to really look into his own problems is to leave him if everything else fails? What else can I do for this relationship before I have to quit? I hato to quit because I believe love is for life, but I also want to find out if this relationship is worth trying. I guess if I can stop worrying about our future then this relationship can keep going, but this is really not the way I want my relationship to be. He never really asked me questions about future and may be he thinks this relationship is still too young. But looking at the way he is and the problems he already has, I doubt if this is ever going to change down the road...please advise. I have told him may be we will set the deadline to be the last day of his apartment lease. If he is still not improving, I should move out without him.
flowergirl Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 Hey, girl, your boyfriend doesn't sound mature to me. Everyone has their little habits, and things they may feel they can't live without, like games or such, but if he'd rather play games than pay his bills, then that is a SERIOUS problem and he's got lots of growing to do before he can even consider a relationship. I know it hurts now, but cut your losses and find someone who can both pay attention to you and to their bills. Good luck.
MadDog Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 Don't you think you could find another guy who was responsible and mature in addition to having a good personality? This guy says he doesn't remember why he had been arrested. That's an obvious lie. Unless getting arrested is something he does every weekend or something, I'm sure he would never forget every last detail why he was arrested. He says he doesn't have all the answers. Actually, he doesn't have any answers. He says he wants to change with his video game addiction but hasn't done anything to change at all. If you move in with him, this is what's going to happen. You're going to get sucked in even more and you'll find it 10 times harder to leave him. You'll end up paying his part of the rent because he's so damn irresponsible. Is that really the situation you want to put yourself? I guess the answer might be yes in which case you could always go for it. If not, just break up with the loser.
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