collegelover4 Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 My girlfriend of 2 1/2 years called it off the other night and I want to get her back. This is the situation. I am 26 and she is 24. We met at college and began dating seriously for that time in college. Well she actually graduated before me and moved back to her hometown, which is 3 hours away from my hometown. We have been doing the long distance thing now since December, and it defintely has put a strain on things. I graduated in December and was planning on moving to her hometown to be with her but the job situation has kept me from moving so we had to do the long distance thing. She so desperatly wanted me to move down with her asap, but again the job prospects were few and far between. So this past month, things had been rocky. I could tell that she was starting to back away a little with her emotions. She was going out to the bars with her freinds more and wanting less to talk to me. Well this past week was the worst for us. She told me that she wanted to "take a break" and be free and not be tied down to anyone right now. Her excuse was that she wanted to be free for now BUT eventually she wanted to be with me when the time was right, or depending on how she felt after this break. So naturally I went along with it because I wanted to stay with her. I was not thrilled about the idea of a break but I wanted to do whaterver it took. Well so much for the break, because 2 days ago she called it off and said she didnt want to be with me anymore. So this is my dilemma, I love this girl more than anything and I want so bad to get her back. I want some advice on what to do. Should I let her have her space and let her date? Should I call her or should I wait for her to call me?? What can I do to prove to her that I AM the man she wants to be with????
gfto Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I want some advice on what to do. Cut off all contact with her and get a new gf. Should I call her or should I wait for her to call me?? Neither. What can I do to prove to her that I AM the man she wants to be with???? Nothing. She has already decided you are not the man she wants to be with.
visotech Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Should I let her have her space and let her date? Should I call her or should I wait for her to call me?? What can I do to prove to her that I AM the man she wants to be with???? I think the idea is that if a second chance is going to come for you two, its going to come after some reflection. That is, sometime alone on both of your parts to re-evaluate things, perhaps date, and see what you've been missing out on. Theres plenty of fish in the sea, who knows, you might even run in to the same fish twice.
scobro Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 She told me that she wanted to "take a break" and be free and not be tied down to anyone right now. Her excuse was that she wanted to be free for now BUT eventually she wanted to be with me when the time was right, or depending on how she felt after this break. gee you lucky guy wish I had someone like that you must be flaterred. So what she is saying is IF I HAVEN'T MET ANYONE OR i CAN'T DO ANY BETTER THAN YOU THEN i WILL SNAP MY FINGERS AND YOU WILL RUN TO ME AND KISS MY ASS BECAUSE i RUN THE SHOW AND IT'S ALL ABOUT WHAT i SAY AND HOW i FEEL ON THE SITUATION YOU HAVE NO SAY. Give me a break she wants tio be free now but you will do later when she is ready....let her go.
snowcraig Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 You can't control other people, there is only one person you can control, yourself. You have to do your own thing. Unless you pissed her off and need to apologize for something, the best move isn't no contact, but very limited contact, a e-mail once in a couple weeks, a text here and there, but nothing more. Bottom line, you don't convince someone to be with you, they are with you because who you are works with who they are. There isn't a right or wrong, and there is no such thing as a dumper and dumpee. It's right, or its wrong, and one person realizes it first. Also, ignore the jackasses who respond with no compassion. They aren't worthy of reading.
gfto Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 there is no such thing as a dumper and dumpee. There is always a dumper and a dumpee. The dumper (in this case, the girl) has the lower interest level. Once a woman has dropped the "I need a break" line on you, any further contact with her serves no purpose other than to grovel.
snowcraig Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Its sad that you have such a negative outlook, obviously you haven't had much luck. I have ex's that I broke up with, and ex's that broke up with me, and I am freinds with all. Please though, this guy doesn't need your crap-ass attitude right now, so do him a favor, and keep it to yourself.
gfto Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Its sad that you have such a negative outlook, obviously you haven't had much luck. I'm in great relationship with an intelligent, attractive, independent, flexible, giving lady. Coming up on a year. Ex's don't interest me. Please though, this guy doesn't need your crap-ass attitude right now, so do him a favor, and keep it to yourself. You're a classy guy. I'm very impressed that you're so chummy with your ex's. Clearly, you're advice is the most valuable to everyone here.
snowcraig Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 You are calling me classless? Have you actually read what you wrote back here? Wow. Ex's don't interest you? Then what were you doing with them in the first place?
scobro Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I have ex's that I broke up with, and ex's that broke up with me, and I am freinds with all Yeah thats great for you I am sure there is a lot of love between all of you. but the fact of the matter is one of you was the dumper and one was the dumpee there is no such thing as a dumper and dumpee. Wrong I have ex's that I broke up with DUMPER ex's that broke up with me, Dumpee and I am freinds with all. That's sweet
visotech Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 There is little to no diffrence between dumper and dumpee in that both are equal partners in a relationship, and if that relationship they have together is not working out then its not the fault of one or the other. Its just that one realizes it sooner then the other, gets labeled as the dumper, and the "dumpee" wallows in self pitty. If you still look at your past relationships as dumper/dumpee you definatly have not gotten over them. And yeah, its ok to be friends with your ex's. You might actually learn something from them instead of being angry/whiney kid for the rest of your life.
Numbheart Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 And yeah, its ok to be friends with your ex's. You might actually learn something from them instead of being angry/whiney kid for the rest of your life. Thats a little harsh, but none the less true. If you are able to be friends with ex's once you have both moved on (and by that I mean have no problems with the fact that they are now with someone else) you can learn a lot from them if you are willing to listen and on good terms with them, I certainly laugh and joke with some of mine about our past problems.
NotAnotherTeen Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 Just a little while ago, my gf also used the "i need a break" line. what that means is that they want it to be over, but they want to somehow save your feelings. This only makes it worse because you think that you somehow have a chance. That is what i thought, and i guess i just really couldnt imagine my life wit/out her, so i went along with it. I would suggest going NC, but dont necessarily expect her to contact you back. If she changes her mind, and decides your the man for her, she will contact you. However, if you keep constantly coming back to her, at this stage you might just make her mad at you. Most likely she is done with the relationship, and nothing more will come of it. It's a hard pill to swallow, and i kno that when i first realized it about my ex, it hurt. but its for the best to try to move on and get on with your life. Hang out with friends, and maybe even date some other girls. Best of luck to ya.
Butterflying Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 There isn't anything you can do to get her back. She has stated she doesn't want to be with you. Therefore, you HAVE to let her go. However, you could wait a while for her to come back. I don't recommend you getting envolved with anyone else until you are certain that you no longer want to be with her. Otherwise, if she does come back, and you've started something with someone else, you'll be making a bad situation, worse.
cylai Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 hi, I could relate to you. Here's my thoughts: 1. you can't manage or control another person. You cannot change another person but yourself. 2. Find a hobby/purpose/mission. Do something that make you happy. Focus on yourself insteand of others. If you really want this girl back check out my signature link below. I will share with you few strategies that I use to find back my love and happiness. and no.. it's not black magic! May the force be with you!
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