Slacker4 Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Well, I have been dealing with this for a few days and I looked around the internet looking for anything that was remotely similiar. Obviously, I found this site. And it seemed that everybody (or a majority) has been through it and knows what the hell I am going to be talking about. Plus, the advice I have seen has been really good. Let me start off by giving a background of the situation. I am in my mid-30's and I have been dating this girl for 3 1/2 years. We are both divorced with 2 children each and live very close together, on purpose. I will say that she is the first I dated after I divorced and we immediately fell for each other. She is the type of woman that you day dream about most of your life. I felt more love for her in a short time then I did in 8 years of marriage. We seemed like a perfect match and had (i still think we do) a chemistry that is unlike anything I dreamed. After dating for awhile, we both brought the kids into it (slowly, I didnt want to do that right away. Being a good father is number 1 priority). My kids adore her as much as I do. And we would often do things together, all 6 of us. OUr alone time was even more incredible. We were always laughing and joking and just absolutely loving each other's company. We would take trips together, do everything together, you know, inseperable. We also had a serious times too. We would talk on the phone for hours when we couldnt be together. (kids are still too young to leave alone). The memories are just so thick that I often wonder if I am dreaming. I worshiped the ground she walked on and would always be there when she needed it. Which happened alot because she has ex issues and family issues. (Look, I know this all sounds too good to be true, but I truely feel that way) We would always joke about getting married in 5 years. No matter how much time went by, it was always 5 years. We called it our 5 year plan, even though we were both kidding and wanted it sooner. Her parents were convinced that we would get engaged over this past Christmas. Now dont get me wrong, we had our moments too. As time goes on, there were struggles. Every relationship has them. See there is one problem with us, we are very much alike and that includes being very stubborn. So, when we argued, it was a battle of wills. Anyway, lately, we have been a roller coaster. Great moments (still) and lousy moments (arguing). Now the arguments are both of our faults, more or less, insecurity and/or jealousy. (we both have been burned in the past). But they have been more frequent lately. I dont want to make this a book, but she told me a few days ago that she has had enough of the roller coaster and wants to spend time apart. I, of course, dont want to because I feel that these issues can be worked out with proper communication and adjustments. I spent a few days telling her that we have too much to throw away over petty arguments by taking a break. That our relationship and its future is too important to risk. She didnt seem to buy it and told me that she wants to be alone right now to sort out her thoughts. She has assured me that she is not interested in anyone else or even meeting anyone else and I believe her. But when I ask how much time she wants, she says that she doesnt know. Now we have made many plans for the next couple of months, including a trip with our kids and my family. She told me to go ahead and cancel the reservations for her even though that is 2 months away (i guess that is my answer). I told her that I love her and dont want to loose her and throw away our chance. She said that she doesnt know how to feel right now. She loves me, but questions our future now and wants time to think. She thinks that we might be too similar and worries about compatability. By the way, to add to my confusion, the next day she showed up at my son's baseball game with her kids. We even went to dinner that night with all of us and her son spent the night. But by the next day, it was back to coldness again. She said she did because she didnt want to disappoint my kids. I tell her that I dont know what to do and that I will give her what she wants. Basically, she wants to be left alone right now and decide if she misses me or not. I have to say, I dont beleive in breaks. I dont think they work out, especially after reading alot of this message board. I beleive in sticking through things and finding solutions. So, I am scared to death of loosing her and everything that I have felt. We have never gone more than 2 days without talking in 3 1/2 years. I am torn. I want to give her space, but i am afraid of what will follow. Do I move on? Do I keep the faith? the most confusing part is that the weekend prior was incredible. We spent the entire weekend together and had a blast together. I was hoping for some advice. And hopefully hear some success stories. Thanks for listening.
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