lostsmile Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 This guy made such a huge impact in my life and left such a hole in my heart, I don't know how to forget and go on. How do I figure out how to "fall back in love" with my husband and work out our marriage when I still feel so much for this guy. My emotions are with him. I know I'm fooling myself. I know that I have to do what makes me happy and my current marriage doesn't make me happy. I know for a fact that this is the only affair he or I have either one had. Why does he have such a hold on me? Probably because I'm so unhappy at home right now and I know that isn't fair to him right. How do I let go of him?
StoneyHeart Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 If you figure it out let me know! But really- would the hold be there if you had to fight over who did the laundry, who spent $20 bucks outside of the budget on something stupid when you needed milk, who left toilet seat up, etc, etc. I keep trying to remind myself that of course the fantasy is easier than the reality! (Not sure it's working, but it is true)
rossm Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 This guy made such a huge impact in my life and left such a hole in my heart, I don't know how to forget and go on. How do I figure out how to "fall back in love" with my husband and work out our marriage when I still feel so much for this guy. My emotions are with him. I know I'm fooling myself. I know that I have to do what makes me happy and my current marriage doesn't make me happy. I know for a fact that this is the only affair he or I have either one had. Why does he have such a hold on me? Probably because I'm so unhappy at home right now and I know that isn't fair to him right. How do I let go of him? Well, there are some great and experienced posters on this board who can offer much better advice than I. It sounds like the OM is gone. At least you have that going for you, because if they're still hanging around, it is almost impossible to forget and let go (as I and many others here are discovering). Eventually the feelings should fade. I hope. I can remember back to old girlfriends I used to have and love. It sure hurt to leave some of them back then. But now, they are simply memories. I can remember our times together, but the love is long gone. Then, I think you need to assess your relationship with H. How did it get where it is now? Do you think it can be repaired? It may take a while. If you think it is worth salvaging, start talking to him about it. I found, at least with me, is that a lack of communication was at the root of the problem. It is too easy just to go on day by day and ignore the real problems. Eventually days become years. And the problems get buried so deep it takes a psychotherapist to unearth them. At least, that's what I'm thinking these days. After talking with H, you need to decide if counseling is right for you, either individual or joint. Hang in there.
Author lostsmile Posted May 10, 2006 Author Posted May 10, 2006 He called my cellphone yesterday to see how I was doing!?! I told him okay. Well, that's a lie! Anyway, I now have his new cell #. So, what do I do. My husband was out of town last night on business. MM drives by my house every morning on way to work. We live in the country so easy to spot. When I say him drive by this morning, I call his cell just to say Good Morning! What is wrong with me! My husband has agreed to start marriage counseling next week. I am in a very emotional abusive marriage. After 17 years, I have finally figured out that emotional abuse is a real thing. I am telling myself to work on my marriage and quit thinking about MM.
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